


Long may you run

by everythingispoetry



Series: If die, only in Manhattan [7]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cancer, Friendship, Gen, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Medical Procedures, Press and Tabloids, Science, Secret Identity, Slow Build, Social Media, Stark Industries, Team Bonding, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-29
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-16 14:15:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 64,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/862944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingispoetry/pseuds/everythingispoetry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>‘But I know you are you really asking me if I’m ever going to tell them that Iron Man and Nate Rives and Tony Stark are the same person, or at least two of them, right? I – I don’t know. I don’t even think about it right now. Let’s – let’s not think about it,’ Tony adds, massaging his temples, a lemony scent of the tea soothing his headache slightly.</em><br/><em>‘I hope you will trust them enough to tell them, at some point, sir,’ JARVIS says before going silent.</em><br/>It's hard to avoid people when they become your friends. Tony tries to stay out of sight, but he might be too tired and involved in too many things at once to keep all of his acts perfect. There's no telling how long he'll manage to run from the truth.</p><p>(part 7: June - December 2012)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to give you the whole piece at once, but since it's, as always, turning out to be longer than I planned and it takes me a lot of time to write, I'll post it in 3 parts. 
> 
> Music for this part: [Placebo - Ion](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln54j7eaDgk&list=PLMpsXjUmwVjfxo0E5ypq6fRkHsjXVRn7Y&index=7)  
> This is a fill for [this avengerkink prompt](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/15292.html?thread=33895612#t33895612)
> 
> The title comes from Neil Young's song _Long may you run_

On Sunday the 3rd, after the talk with Pepper and Rhodey, Tony finally feels relaxed enough to actually look around himself and take in what is really happening among the _normal_ people. Nate doesn’t have very close relationships with people around him – not yet, at least – but there is a handful of people he _talks_ with sometimes or who recognize him and smile at his when he enters through the door.

It’s nice. A change from before: no one wants to take pictures of Nate and it makes things easy and calm. It’s been months and yet it still feels like a novelty some days.

Tony is too restless to just sit in his shop and work – and a bit too tired, being in the middle of radiation now, to spend another twelve hours hunched over his desk. He’s been in contact with his S.H.I.E.L.D. team constantly, discussing the Tesseract until he was sick with the men’s voices, and he’s been working on a the new suit design, tweaking things here and there because the… _intergalactic_ trip gave him a few new ideas that suddenly seem necessary.

He’s not panicking, not really. He knows that, logically, an attack like that won’t happen anytime soon, but he can’t bear the thought of not being at least a bit more prepared than now.

 

 

‘There’s nothing good for dinner, boss,’ Happy tells him after Tony’s been staring at the news channel for fifteen minutes, his thought completely elsewhere. Tony knows it’s a diversion tactic, aimed at making him relax and stop worrying – pretty impossible – but he doesn’t mind. Happy knows him well.

‘I’ll go and get something,’ he says as he gets up. He may just as well play along. ‘Anything specific?’

‘I’m in the mood for something classic – steak with fries?’

‘If you cut the fries,’ Tony replies, taking his wallet from the table and grabbing his tablet. There is a pocket inside his jacket where he places it, just the right size.

‘Get things for the coleslaw, too,’ Happy calls after him before Tony disappears on the stairs.

The trip to Wal-Mart was fun, but it’s big and busy and confusing, one of those new experiences that Tony doesn’t care about repeating.

The deli though, just down the street, is his favorite, with a big lovely selection of gourmet foods, and Tony loves to shop there. If they don’t have something he needs, one of the women who work there is always eager to help him out and tell him what he can use instead; they keep asking what’s he making and humming approvingly if they like the idea, and they call his name as soon as he walks through the door.

It’s partially because he’s – unique, and recognizable, given his _disability_ , but mostly because he’s always eager to talk back and offer them a smile. It’s a matter of making casual friends in all around you that Tony’s never been able to try. It didn’t work well when the other side knew  all the dirty gossip about him.

‘Hello, Nate,’ Matilda greets him from across the room. He smiles in response.

He used not to remember the names of girls he slept with, and now he remember the name of every nice person he keeps meeting. Who would have guessed.

Two nice steaks and a bag of Russet potatoes land in his basket, as well as a bottle of red wine and everything he needs for the salad. It only takes a few moments, Tony knows his way around the shop perfectly and designs the most efficient route between the shelves in his head as soon as he steps inside.

There are more people in the shop that he’s expected, but maybe that shouldn’t be a surprise. This part of the city was not directly attacked so everyone is acting pretty naturally: there’s no rubble to avoid in the streets here, no damaged buildings, no no-entry zones guarded by the police and S.H.I.E.L.D. making sure the civilians won’t have any contact with the Chitauri’s bodies or tech.

When he’s at the checkout, Matilda smiles at him and asks him how is he doing.

‘ _Good,_ ’ he types quickly as she scans the bar codes. ‘ _Everything is fine. No one was hurt – and you_?’

‘I know a few people who work near those damaged buildings, where those giant… things fell,’ she replies, grimacing a bit. ‘I heard someone is in hospital, but it’s nothing grave, thank God. The police are doing a good job helping people.’

‘ _They are_ ,’ Tony types, after he’s packed the items into a shopping bag, and then hands Matilda his card. ‘ _I hope the cleanup goes quickly_ ,’ he adds when she hands him the card back.

‘Me too, me too, it’s like – it’s like 9/11 all over again, we need to rebuild so much. Make it better.’

He nods in agreement, and smiles at her before leaving; there are people waiting in a line and he doesn’t want to keep them waiting.

That’s good to hear, that no one was hurt – there were enough stories of missing people all over the news, in the internet, everywhere around the city. Tony feels like he’s done good job as Iron Man when someone tells him his family is okay – and the heroes will do something more.

 

 

The next day the team is done with debriefs and S.H.I.E.L.D.. business, so they help with cleaning up the area as much as they can, working together with policemen and soldiers delegated to New York to help the civilians. Iron Man spends hours with his teammates, talking little and lifting heavy things, assuring whoever comes by to watch their heroes that everything is okay. It seems to mean so much to everyone and Tony can’t keep a smile off his face underneath the helmet.

There are a lot of kids who ask him who he really is or who is Captain America. Tony tells them in his metallic voice that it’s a secret and no one can know because he’d have to kidnap them and make sure they wouldn’t tell anyone. The kids laugh at that openly – and that’s a good sign.

If they can laugh, everything will be okay.

Around seven everyone finishes work. It’s been a week since the attacks and there surely aren’t any people trapped underneath the rubble in this area, so there is no much hurry; physical work for such a long time is exhausting for every normal human.

Tony can feel the strain on his body, even though the suit does most of this job, supporting the heavy lifting and helping him with the physical work – being in the middle of radiation doesn’t help at all.

He’s doing okay, though. Eating his food like a good boy and getting eight hours of sleep per night, with the help of some meds Doc pushed into his hand a few days earlier. Otherwise he wouldn’t be able to slow down enough to sleep, he knows, despite being tired; every time Tony closes his eyes his brain is supporting him with a vision of visions of slow death amidst the void and endless unnamed stars.

Tony knows he’s freaking out a bit because he will really die in a pretty short time. Compared to what could have been.

And he can’t stop wondering if it’ll be the same black and the same painful motionless feeling.

Doc’s meds help enough to let him sleep without dreaming.

 

 

On Thursday, the second last day of this radiation round, after a full week of working ten hours straight, constantly in movement, Tony suddenly understands that he’s been pushing himself too far. The team is just wrapping up half past seven when Tony feels a sudden wave of weakness in his limbs and he has to steady himself wrapping the suit’s hand around a nearby street lamp, before JARVIS locks down the joints to make him steady.

‘Sir? Are you okay? My sensors indicate elevated heartbeat –’

‘I know, J,’ Tony rasps out, closing his eyes and focusing on breathing, his body slumped inside the armor. ‘Give me some more oxygen here.’

‘Done, sir,’ the A.I. replies promptly. ‘I told you that it’s not a good idea for you to work right now, and Mister Hogan said the same  –’

‘But I insisted, yeah, I know, my fault,’ Tony cuts in, breathing deeply; the oxygen flowing inside the suit makes clearing his head easier. The dizziness goes away breath by breath. ‘I know what you want to say so save it, baby, I’m finishing tomorrow and I’ll be back here, working, on Monday –’

‘ _If_ Doctor Eisen gives you his permission, sir.’

‘I thought the suits were mine and I could use them as I wished –’

‘As long as you’re not endangering your life. I’m not going to let you hurt yourself, sir,’ JARVIS adds a bit more softly. ‘You might have overrides for my system, but I don’t think you can persuade Mister Hogan in such way, especially not in you physical state.'

‘Seems like I don’t have a choice –’

‘Doctor Banner is approaching, sir,’ JARVIS interrupts, his voice perfectly blank, but Tony can recognize the A.I.’s contempt anyway, the traitor.

‘Iron Man? Are you okay?’ Bruce asks with a small frown between his eyebrows. ‘I thought I saw you –’

‘I’m fine.

‘– swaying,’ Bruce finished, ignoring Tony’s words. ‘I know we’re not supposed to talk about this because you don’t like it, discussing _yourself_ , but you’ve got me worried there. I might not be a real doctor, but I’m good enough to notice something is wrong –’

‘I’m just tired,’ Tony replies, Iron Man’s voice conveying his words flatly. ‘I’ve had a lot on my mind recently, so not enough time to rest properly.’

That’s almost like the truth.

‘Are you sure? I’m –’

‘I’m sure,’ Tony cuts in. ‘It’s nothing more than that.’

‘If being tired always ends with swaying – which probably would lead to fainting – like it did now, then I’d be worried at your place. But it’s not my thing to say,’ Bruce replies, ruffling his hair almost unconsciously, his fingers catching his curls. ‘Take tomorrow off. It’s not a request, it’s an order – I wish Phil could just tell you the same. I know he worries about you constantly and not knowing anything about the real you, inside the suit, makes him even more anxious – but… Anyway, that’s an order. You don’t want to find out what stressed Hulk can do when he’s annoyed. And – I’ll tell Steve, he’ll be glad. He’s been worried about you –’

‘Has he?’ Tony asks in wonder, because Cap didn’t say anything like that to Iron Man.

‘It’s just that you come in later than we do,’ true, Tony arrives after his radiation, around 1000 hrs, while everyone else starts working at 0800 hrs, ‘It’s not a complaint, mind you,’ Bruce adds, ‘it’s just that we talk and all before we start working. And then you don’t go with us anywhere we go to eat, so he can’t really get to know you better.’

‘… so he doesn’t want me to be isolated from you?’

‘You could say that,’ Bruce admits, offering Tony a weak smile. ‘You know how he is. He takes great care of his people.’

‘Yeah, I know – I’ll take tomorrow off, then. See you on Monday,’ Tony adds and flies off, watching Bruce turns around and go in the vague direction of where the rest of the team went a few minutes before without looking up.

Maybe that’s good. Nate has quite a few things on his plate, so additional few hours of work are very welcome, especially when he’s _not allowed_ to stay up at nights.

 

 

Friday does pass calmly; Tony feels only a bit guilty for not being out there helping all those amazing people with their work. Instead, he spends most of the day sitting in front of a computer in his workshop at the apartment, curled up in a soft armchair that he didn’t know he had.

Well, he didn’t have it a few days ago, so it was either Happy of Pepper. It’s a really nice thought though, so he’s not going to complain.

In the evening, after babysitting him for most of the day and conspiring with Scott – who is supposed to visit at the beginning of July – Happy leaves for a meeting with someone. He tells Tony all the details, but Tony is too occupied with his work on to remember them. That’s what JARVIS is for.

Happy makes sure that Tony is done working for the day before he leaves. It’s funny and Tony knows the man is joking a bit, but underneath that attitude there’s genuine worry.

‘I will make sure sir doesn’t work anymore,’ JARVIS assures Happy before the man leaves. Tony groans and makes a face, but it’s more of a routine game than real annoyance.

He takes a long shower, puts on some fresh clothes and stops in the middle of the room, wondering what to do now.

Friday evening, 1900 hrs. Tony Stark would know _exactly_ what to do – but it doesn’t take Nate that long to decide, either.

There’s this one place – Tony can’t put any label on it, it’s not a bar, not a restaurant, not a café – where he’s starts going now and then after he’s moved to Nate’s apartment. Just a few blocks away. And the food is amazing.

So he ends up spending four hours over appetizers and soda water, since he doesn’t feel like eating anything more, and _talking_ with the people there. It’s… nice. It’s fun.

All of the staff know Nate by now, and most the guests – there are many regulars – so as soon as he walks in he’s greeted by a cascade of voices.

‘Good to see you on your feet,’ Lawrence says, pouring him a glass of cold soda water. ‘You haven’t been in for three weeks. We were getting worries, especially with what’s happened.’

‘ _I was out of town_ ,’ Tony types, taking a sip of the cold drink. ‘ _Everyone all right. You?_ ’

‘We’re fine, too,’ the man assures him, gesturing at the menu for today and giving Tony a meaningful glance. ‘The staff is okay. We were lucky not to be in the area where most of the damage happened – by the way, that was totally amazing, no? _Superheroes_ in New York? Have you seen that Captain America guy? He looks just like the genuine one.’

‘ _Yeah, I’ve seen it – crazy. Crazy but cool ;) & just a plate of appetizers today_.’

‘Not hungry again, huh?’ Lawrence comments, looking at the tablet’s screen. ‘Right away.’

Tony nods at him and nurses his drink, observing the crowd inside. Almost all of them are young people, some couples, a few kids playing in an area in the back, a few reading books from the library corner. That’s one of the reasons Tony loves the place for – the selection of books you can read while eating is fantastic. If he had more time to spare, he’d certainly come over more often, if only to hang around.

‘Do you have your favorite?’ he hears a voice saying over his head a few minutes later.

‘ _Fav ??_ ’ he types, smiling thankfully at the sight of his food.

It’s funny, how smiles are the primary means of communication pretty often these days.

‘Superhero.’

Tony takes a moment to reply, because he honestly hasn’t thought about that: how do you judge your own friends, your teammates? He doesn’t know them enough to have fixed opinions and he knows them well enough to distinguish people from their masks at the same time.

Well, besides Spider Man. That childish and crazy guy is still a mystery, but Tony knows he likes him.

‘ _Captain_ ,’ he types finally, nodding to himself. It’s be awkward to say Iron Man; Tony is damn proud of the persona, but he doesn’t want to discuss himself in third person more than necessary. ‘ _You_?’

‘You know I like big things and going wild, so I’d say Hulk. He’s strong, he’s dangerous, he’s indestructible, too, it seems – it’s really cool,’ Lawrence adds solemnly and leaves Tony with the food to serve his other clients.

Tony can’t wait to tell Bruce he’s met a real Hulk fan.

 

 

Saturday is another occasion for Tony to play Nate: it’s a Riverside day. Last week he didn’t go there, given all the madness accompanying the attack; everything has calmed down a bit since then, so there is nothing to stop Tony.

It’s refreshing to see that for the children hardly anything has changed because of the attack. The older ones understand the significance of what happened, but as it didn’t touch them personally, it’s easy to be immersed in simple everyday life. Riverside is pretty far away from the area of Manhattan that’s been most damaged. The city seems to look perfectly normal around.

And the younger kids, Tony has learned so far – because he was an unusual child and had a strange childhood – don’t understand things like that, not really; what distresses them is the reactions of other people around. Tony was here for ten minutes only last Saturday, checking up on everyone, but it was enough to see that the caretakers were doing their job really professionally.

Most of the afternoon is playing board games and building things out of Legos. It’s as pleasant for the kids as it is for Nate; he’s had little time for creative work recently, focusing on what was needed, not what he had in mind, and building a Lego submarine is almost like doing a tricky experiment in the depths of his workshop, with only Dummy and his fire extinguisher and JARVIS to supervise.

Annik tells him about the young people who come to help out as volunteers, trying to fill the all the free time with interesting activities. There are no money to send all the kids on camps; Tony makes a swear to himself that the next year – hopefully much calmer – he’ll help them out financially with that, too. If he will still be around. And if not, he’ll make sure someone does that for him.

After he says goodbye to everyone and steps out of the building, he finds one of the older boys, Marcel, sitting on the stairs, clearly waiting for him.

‘Hey, Nate,’ he says, addressing to Tony the way Tony wanted, even the youngest kids call him by his name only, without _mister_ or _sir_. ‘You’re a computer specialist, right? IT and stuff?’

Tony sits down next to the boy, nodding, and then takes out his tablet, waiting for another question.

‘I was wondering if you could help me out a bit,’ Marcel says after a brief pause.

‘ _You’re going to high school now, right?’_

‘Yes. I want to – I want to go to MIT. It’s the best school around and I want to do things – if something happens. I want to be able to protect people. But I’ll only get a scholarship if I have the best grades.’

‘ _Why not just go somewhere else?_ ’

‘Why go somewhere that’s not the best?’ Marcel replies, making Tony grin. That’s the spirit.

‘ _Tell me what you can do & what you want to do & what to help you with next Sat :)_’

‘Okay,’ Marcel replies with a smile, relaxing finally. Of course everything depends on how good Marcel is, Tony doesn’t know that yet, but if he deserves it, Tony will make sure the boy makes use of his talents. The world could always use more people to keep it safe.

 

 

On Sunday, to make a perfect finish for the week, the Avengers are having an overdue training session; last week’s one was cancelled to give everyone time to breathe and heal a bit, but they do need to work to keep the good performance up. Half of their success with the Chitauri was practice. The other half was talent mixed with obvious insanity, but that’s not exactly _trainable_.

The sparring is less intense than they are used too – still too many bruises and pulled muscles in the 100% human part of the team – and the dynamics is different since Thor is not present, but everything goes as smoothly as one could hope. Tony is testing the newest suit, with upgraded repulsors. So far they’re a great success, no performance issues notes, efficiency on the level of the previous design, while they hardly make any noise or emit light,

It’s going to be the summer of flying, Tony knows. Finally no one will notice the suit while it’s in stealth mode.

Spiderman disappears as soon as the training is over, before Tony can ask him if everything is all right; the man doesn’t seem stressed, but he’s been joking around much less lately and, in his case, that might mean something.

‘I talked to him, he’s okay,’ Bruce tells Tony when he notices Tony following the man with his sight. Helmet, whatever. ‘Said someone he knows lives in the area and he’s helping them out with cleaning the place up.’

‘Thank you,’ Iron Man says, inclining his head a little. Brice waves at him and walks away, but before Tony can move towards the roof, Captain comes in sight.

Or Steve, since he’s not in the uniform.

‘Are you doing anything now?’ Steve asks and Tony takes a moment to look at the schedule JARVIS is displaying for him on the helmet’s HUD.

There isn’t anything _that_ important; no meeting for Nate, no appointments. There’s some work Nate is supposed to do for his independent projects, but it can wait, and Steve looks like he needs someone to take his hand and lead him. Somewhere.

‘No, I’m free,’ Iron Man’s metallic voice says. Steve’s face lightens up with a smile; he probably isn’t aware of that, but it makes Tony smile behind the faceplate. Cap, despite all his was experiences, is so pure and genuine. ‘Do you want to do something?’

‘I don’t know – I… It’s tense at HQ,’ Steve admits, looking somehow self-conscious. ‘Phil’s still in a bad shape, despite healing slowly, Clint and Natasha are always with him or worrying, not sleeping nights… And Bruce is always in his lab. Which is good, but I thought – I wanted to talk to someone.’

‘Sure thing – anything in particular?’

‘No, not really, just talk,’ Steve replies with a sight, running a hand through his hair in a gesture similar to the one Tony still makes sometimes, out of habit. ‘Sorry if it’s bad time –’

‘How about we go get a burger?’

‘You want to –’ Steve starts, sounding pretty shocked, and Tony laughs, his voice transmitted into a soft artificial sound that can’t be heard often.

‘No, I’m good, I won’t eat – sorry to give you a false impression. But we’ve been training for three hours and I knows you well enough to be aware that you’re famished.’

‘I guess I am,’ Steve replies with a shy smile, and starts heading towards the door. Another great thing about Tony’s new suit: it’s much quieter when it moves. There’s still a metallic rustle, but it’s soft and pleasant, at least to Tony. ‘You know a place?’

‘Indeed. Nearby,’ Tony says and leads to the tiny joint just two blocks away. People do follow Iron Man and a handsome blond man with their eyes and camera phones; Steve seems very conscious about that and pretty stressed out, but he relaxes when Tony laughs again and reminds him that none of these people know that he is Captain America – just a handsome tall man eating a burger.

‘It’s still difficult for me to remember that none of these people know me, just like I do not know them,’ Steve offers a few minutes later, when they’re sitting on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s HQ roof; it’s much calmer up there, and much quieter. The air feels almost light and fresh, compared to down in the streets, even coming through the armor’s filters.

‘No surprise, you’ve been such a big public figure for quite some time before –’

‘Before my plane went down,’ Cap finishes and puts the last piece of the first burger into his mouth. Tony grins at the man’s appetite; it’s nice to see how messy he eats, too, like a young man he really is, spilling the ketchup all over his hands and the concrete floor, wiping his face with a rough paper napkin.

‘How are you holding up with the aliens becoming real?’ Iron Man asks when Cap is half through his second burger. It might sound insensitive, to ask about such matter, but Steve didn’t’ have to verbalize anything for Tony to know what’s eating him.

‘Red Skull was pretty much an alien, at the end,’ Steve offers, squinting in the sun, then turns around to let the sunshine smother his back instead. His face must be reflected strangely in Tony’s helmet’s shiny surface. ‘But I do hate magic. _So_ much. The Tesseract… they should have left it in the ice. Really. None of this would have happened.’

‘It would have happened eventually,’ Tony points out, knowing exactly where wishful thinking leads. ‘It would. And maybe something worse would have happened – think about it that way. We did great. There were causalities, that’s true and very unfortunate, but there weren’t as many as you’d expect from all the destruction,’ he vaguely waves his hand at the New York buildings around them. ‘You did amazing as our commander.’

‘I did little,’ Steve argues, finishing the second burger and trying to wipe his hands clean from the mustard and ketchup. ‘I wouldn’t have –’

‘I could play this game all night, Steve, but I’d get bored, you don’t want to see me bored. Acknowledge that you did great. Learn to accept compliments. Those didn’t disappear back in 60s, they are just much less obvious these days. Most of the time.’

There is a moment of thick silence. Tony waits.

‘… you are a great friend, Iron Man,’ Steve states finally, watching Tony intently. ‘Sorry for sounding like Thor, but you really are – I wish I knew the person that’s inside. I know – I know that’s something you want to keep separate,’ Steve adds before Tony can say a word, ‘but you must be someone great.’

‘Thank you,’ it’s Tony’s turns to say the two magical words. ‘Hug?’

Steve’s hear jerks up and he blinks, as if he couldn’t understand what he’s hearing. It’s cute, but it’s also sad because Tony knows Steve used to have amazing friends in his commandos, other than Bucky; they were like brothers. There is nothing shameful between brothers, not even wanting a hug.

Iron Man walks up to Steve, who is sitting cross-legged on the roof, kneels behind the blond man and wraps his metal-encased arms around Captain’s firm muscle figure. It’s about as awkward as the first time, Tony still has hard time guessing if he’s putting too much strength into the hug or not, but he figures it’s all right if Steve doesn’t complain.

 

 

Back at home, Tony spends the rest of the evening working and watching a movie with Happy, dividing his attention in a perfectly balanced way. It’s quickly destroyed when JARVIS says that someone is calling the number Iron Man left for S.H.I.E.L.D. to contact him.

‘Patch it through, J,’ Tony tells the A.I., saving the project he’s working on and swallowing the string cheese he’s been munching on.

‘Evening, Iron Man,’ he hears Clint’s slightly distorted voice over the line.

‘Evening, Clint – what can I do for you?’

‘Phil’s cleared for visitors. Well, the ones that aren’t me or Tasha or Fury, So I was wondering if you’d like to come sometime, he’d like that –’

‘Of course,’ Tony says eagerly. JARVIS is modulating his voice the way it sounds like Iron Man’s, even when he’s not wearing the helmet, so the emotions are lost on Clint. ‘When?’

‘Anytime?’

‘What about tomorrow?’

‘Tomorrow?’ Clint sounds surprised and pleased. ‘Yeah, that’d work. Around noon?’

‘No problem. Where can I –’

‘I’ll send you an email with the hospital details, Fury cleared it, you can land on the roof and then I’ll walk you downstairs. Sounds all right?’

‘Yes, perfect.’

‘Thanks –’

‘And Clint?’ Tony cuts in before Clint can hang up.

‘Yes?’

‘I’m glad you’re both doing better.’

There is a moment of pause before Clint speaks up again.

‘That we are,’ he admits. Tony smiles at the ceiling. ‘See you,’ Clint adds and then the connection’s gone.

Tony wonders briefly about the hospital Clint sent him the address, it’s a military one. Makes sense. It’s a bit surprising that they’d let in someone wearing a metal suit, not really sterile – but when it’s about a world-wide hero it’s probably easier to pull strings.

 

 

At noon sharp Tony is at the hospital. He enjoyed a late wake-up, after the two-week course of getting up at 0600 hrs to get to the hospital on time.

It seems that this Monday has been declared a work-free day for the team: Steve is just leaving when Clint and Iron Man approach Phil’s room, Natasha is sitting on the corridor, wearing a set of comfy clothes and drinking coffee from a Starbucks cup – surely it was Cap to think of those little things. Bruce, Tony guesses, is in his lab as always.

‘He says he’ll come over when he stops feeling so, you know, emotional about the whole thing. Or angry more than emotional. It wouldn’t end well, in here.’

‘Sure it wouldn’t,’ Tony agrees, waving at Steve. ‘What are you up to today?’ he asks Cap; they don’t have a fixed date for a meeting, it’s two friends’ talk and not a business appointment, but Tony would like to know Steve won’t be left all alone again.

‘I’m at S.H.I.E.L.D. talking to the guys who supervise that house we’re going to use for Avengers HQ. We need to discuss a few things and hopefully they’ll let me in and give me the keys, so that we could start the renovation works.’

‘Glad to hear that,’ Iron Man says, putting a hand on Steve’s shoulder and squeezing him reassuringly. ‘I’ll see you.’

‘Soon, I hope,’ Steve replies, smiling, and then goes to catch an elevator downstairs, like all normal people do.

‘Thanks for being a good friend for Captain,’ Clint says before opening the door. ‘I know we’ve been shitty recently, but with this – I just can’t focus on anything but helping Phil get better. I hope you understand.’

‘I do, and Steve certainly does, too,’ Tony assures Clint. He doesn’t elaborate and Clint doesn’t ask any questions, just opens the door, letting Tony in. He seems happy and exhausted at the very same time.

‘Phil,’ Iron Man greets the man who’s half-lying on the only bed in the middle of the room, propped up on a small mountain of pillows. He looks ghostly pale and tired, with dark bags under his eyes and chapped lips, but that’s only to be expected after what he’s been through. A heart and lung surgery – will heal nicely, but will take time, too. And with an injury like that the risk of something unexpected happening, especially with magical artifacts involved, was pretty big.

‘Iron Man. Good to see you.’

No one asks Tony to sit down, they know by now that he’s very comfortable standing while he’s in the suit. Clint gets across the room in three graceful leaps though and seats himself in the end of Phil’s bed, next to the man’s legs.

‘I was very happy that I didn’t have to produce an artificial heart for you. You know they’d have asked me, given that it’s have to be a neat piece of engineering ASAP,’ Tony says lightly, JARVIS conveys that in the voice he synthesizes.

Tony _loves_ when the A.I. does amazing things like that, reading in Tony’s mind.

‘I have an utmost trust in your work, but I must say I prefer being stitched up everywhere inside and that’s all. Enough for me.’

‘Right.’

‘I heard you saved Manhattan,’ Phil adds quickly, looking _proud_ of Tony, of all things. As if he were – a father figure. Of sorts. In a different way than Scott or Doc are sometimes.

It gives Tony a warm feeling in his gut. Howard – he’d never genuinely praise his son. Tony Stark learned not to expect people to notice when he does something that might be considered _nice_. Unless it’s helping orphans or something like that, very big and very public.

This, being part of the team, part of this little world, it is – different.

‘Well, you could say so,’ Iron Man agrees, nodding delicately.

‘When I heard about that, I really wanted to punch you for that but – well. It turned out well in the end. So thank you.’

‘Someone else would have done it, if it wasn’t me,’ Tony adds solemnly and decides to stir the conversation away from dead bodies of people and aliens, because it’s giving him nightmares at night and he doesn’t need the visions by day.

‘Do you know anything about when you’ll be released?’

‘In three weeks, if everything goes perfect, but four to five is more likely.’

‘And then –’

‘Then a few good months of PT and office jobs – and we’ll see later. The doctors like the  you’ll never do this or that speech, but they are proven wrong _so_ often. I’d like to prove them wrong.’

‘If you don’t, I can’t imagine who would,’ Tony offers, nodding to himself. He knows a thing or two about doctors now, and about miracles. He can’t expect one, but it’s okay. It’s okay.

Phil will prove them wrong and that will be enough –

‘– Man?’

‘Sorry,’ Tony says apologetically, but that doesn’t convey well through Iron Man’s voice protocols. ‘What were you saying?’

‘I was asking you how _you_ were healing up, you brave fool,’ Phil says, his voice warm. Tony’s always noticed that Phil seems to have a soft spot for him – for Iron Man – and it’s _nice._  And very _very_ strange.

‘I’m perfect,’ Tony says before he can think and both Phil and Clint’s faces show the same disbelieving grin. Oh yes. Taking a day off on Friday wasn’t such a good idea if he was going to pretend everything is perfectly fine.

They don’t ask though, respecting his wish of privacy, and Tony is very thankful for that.

Tony leaves over an hour later, after a heated discussion about how the local authorities should act now, in response to a threat that’s unbelievable but perfectly real. Each of them has slightly different ideas, but they do reach a compromise over a coffee – and tea, in Phil’s case – that Clint brings over from the cafeteria.

 

 

The rest of the week is relatively slow. The Avengers still help out with the clean-up, Clint and Natasha finally acting more relaxed, not trying to work themselves to death. Tony feels much better now, after a few days’ rest after the radiation, so the situation with dizziness doesn’t happen again.

Nate keeps visiting his usual places, _talking_ to people and smiling more with each person that tells him that everyone is fine; he visits the local library and his new favorite bookshop, another few shops and even, on Wednesday evening, he spends a nice few hours with an old lady from the floor below who keeps insisting that he looks sickly and pale – true, most people just assume that it’s natural for Nate – and asks him if everything is all right about five time a day.

So Tony buys a bottle of port wine and a cake from the nearby bakery and pays the Mrs. Linz a visit. Most of those two hours is drinking wine and showing her how the tablet works; after two hours she asks him to buy her one and puts a roll of dollars into his hand. Tony swears to do it the next morning.

‘I’ll be checking up on you without having to wait by the door until you come by; you have a very distinctive footsteps, my boy,’ she answers to Tony’s question as for why she suddenly wants something that modern, and confirming his suspicions about _how_ she knows things exactly. ‘And you say that I can watch all the good old TV series there, right? That sounds marvelous,’ she adds, her voice high and cheeks painted in pink.

Tony has never had a possibility of spending time with old people, not really, unless he’d call his father old, and it turns out, they have the most fascinating stories to tell – Mrs. Linz could probably talk for hours and hours, if someone listened, and Tony likes that easy communication.

 

 

On Friday afternoon Steve disappears from the cleaning site for an hour and comes back grinning. Everyone knows he wouldn’t do that for no important reason, so they all await whatever news he might have eagerly.

It’s good to see him smiling like that, Tony decides.

‘I’ve got everything cleared for our new HQ,’ Cap states, waving a set of keys – how old-fashioned – in front of Iron Man’s helmet. ‘Everything S.H.I.E.L.D. needed was taken away and we have a free access to the space. They will cover all costs, unless it’s _something completely crazy_ , citing Agent Hill. I – I want to go there tomorrow. Anyone with me?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Tony says, shaking his head.

‘Won’t do,’ Spider Man states at the same time.

‘You go, Clint – I’ll stay with Phil –’

‘You know more about interior decorating, Nat –’ Clint starts with a small smile, but she cuts him off.

‘If you’re trying to imply what I’m hearing –’

‘I mean secret places for weapons, at least one in reach in three seconds, everywhere you are in the house. You did that in all of our quarters – don’t look at me like that. The team will know anyway.’

‘You need a break from the hospital,’ Natasha points out, silently assessing Clint’s tired face. He’s much better than he was before, but he refuses to go home to sleep. Staying in the hospital for two weeks hasn’t given him a chance to relax properly.

‘How about you both go and I stay with Phil? I haven’t seen him enough, there’s been all the work in the lab –’

‘Thanks, Bruce,’ Clint grins, giving Natasha a look as if he won a game that was never on. That’s what they do, Tony has learned. They make everything into a game and that way they have endless reasons to celebrate.

‘Just don’t forget you need enough good roof access for both me and Thor,’ Tony reminds them, patting Steve’s back. Cap grins widely.

‘Sure I won’t. But I really want to use all of the resources we can get, since S.H.I.E.L.D. is offering – so, everyone, please think what you’d like the training rooms to be like, or any common areas for that matter. I’d like to see what kinds of toys does twenty-first century have.’

Tony wants to say _that’s my boy_ or _you just want to see Fury’s face when he sees the bill_ but he doesn’t speak up; it’s not an Iron Man thing to say. At all.

 

 

When they part Tony gets to his workshop to leave the suit there for minor upgrades and then gets home by metro. Pepper is waiting for him in the kitchen when he leaves the shower.

‘Hi Pep,’ he greets her, putting on a t-shirt and ignoring her eyes fixed on his thin body, so different from how she last saw him. ‘Didn’t know you were coming –’

‘Am I supposed to make appointments now, Mister Stark?’

‘I’d have had something nice to eat, I think there are only some leftovers from yesterday, the grocery day is tomorrow – on Monday everyone needs to buys food after the weekend gluttony or something like that –’

‘Amazing Tony Stark buying cold meats in a local store?’ Pepper asks with a grin. Tony walks up to the fridge and looks inside: there isn’t a lot more than eggs, juice and leftovers from yesterday. The other things don’t work well before noon, at least: Happy really loves beer and Tony always keeps a bottle of  good chilled vodka in case Doc came by.

Surprisingly, it feels natural not to drink alcohol – Tony does have a glass of wine now and then, but it’s nothing compared to what he used to drink before.

Maybe it was easy to stop because there wasn’t really any other option.

‘How about we go out – okay,’ Pepper stops, understanding Tony’s stare. ‘I get it. That would be too suspicious if _you_ and _me_ –’

‘I don’t want to, you know, give anyone any possibility of making a connection, I know it’s probably a bit paranoid, but well, I made this big spectacle and I wouldn’t want any doubt to be present.’

‘Got it, Tony – why are you smiling?’

‘Hardly anyone calls me that now,’ Tony explains, pouring himself some juice. Pepper shakes her head for now before he can offer some to her. ‘Happy calls me _boss_ although I’m not really his boss anymore, not technically, JARVIS calls me _sir_ , Doc calls me _kid_ , you know he does, and everyone else – yeah. They use the other two names. But I’m used to it.’

‘It sounds crazy, from the outside.’

‘It feels crazy, but much less than it used to,’ Tony admits. ‘I’ve had almost half a year of the game, so it’s becoming pretty natural.’

‘That’s good. I think.’

‘It is,’ he assures her, drinking the lasts of the juice and walking up to Pepper to give her a kiss on the forehead. ‘You can’t imagine how glad I am to have you and Rhodey back. I was such an ass, not telling you –’

‘We’ve been over this,’ Pepper cuts in firmly. ‘Right?’

‘Right. Okay,’ Tony chuckles lightly. ‘No more guilt talk, JARVIS, you hear me? I’ll be a nice guiltless person. There. What are you in the mood for?’

‘Huh?’

‘Food. Let’s order something, since we can’t go out –’

‘How about pizza?’

‘You don’t like pizza.’

‘I don’t like pizza when it’s the only food in the house for weeks. I love good pepperoni – don’t you laugh, Stark,’ she adds threateningly, but it’s laced with amusement. Tony rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling.

‘You hear the lady, J, get us what we need. And blueberry soda – did you know something like blueberry soda existed?’ Tony asks, watching Pepper rolling her eyes. It’s so easy to fall back into a familiar pattern of being around each other. They spent over ten years working together, before Tony _disappeared_ , and it’s natural like breathing.

Tony knows that Rhodey was called away for a few weeks to train young soldiers, some kind of special initiative as a response to the attack, so he can’t exactly come over. That one-to-one has to wait.

 ‘So, was there any special reason of you coming here, or was it just a social call?’

‘I want you to tell me everything I need to know about –’ Pepper stops there, bites her lip and takes a breath. ‘About what’s going to happen. What I should be prepared for. I know this is hard, I did some reading, but that’s only general and each case is different, right? I didn’t want to talk to Doctor Eisen behind your back –’

‘Pep, you can do anything you want, _anything_ , and I would never be mad at you.’

She smiles. It’s weak and almost sad, but it’s Pepper’s smile.  Tony has missed it so much.

Then she walks up to him and hugs him tightly.

‘Please, tell me.’

Tony talks.

 

 

Emotions are exhausting, Tony decides at the end of the long conversation. Telling someone _those_ _things_ is more difficult than dealing with them yourself, he discovers. Trying to imagine an opposite situation – with Pepper telling him she has no more than two years to live – makes Tony understand why she’s tearing up so much.

It feels so terribly cruel, but this time there’s nothing Tony could do to make the situation easier. It’s difficult not to feel guilty. It’s easier not to act guilty. Tony’s been perfecting his acting for months.

 

 

On Saturday, Nate goes to Riverside. When he steps into the building, there is a crowd of kids waiting for him, as if he was some kind of a superstar – in a way completely different than Tony Stark.

It’s summer holiday already, but the kids, contrary to must children, aren’t that happy and they seem eager to attend summer classes that their school offer.

‘We simply aren’t able to provide them with a lot of diverse activities and fun,’ Miles explains, leading Tony and the kids to the backyard. The weather is lovely, warm but with scattered clouds making the sunshine soft; not spending time outside would be a waste. ‘They have the possibility of spending time with people other than our mini-community here, too. It’s important. Those kids tend to stick to themselves a lot.’

Tony nods and follows the group outside. He can understand that very well.

They spend the rest of the afternoon playing outside. Tony learns that making a giant painting with the use of feet and hands is a game that appeals to everyone, from the youngest to the oldest, and cleaning in an inflatable swimming pool is even more fun.

It feels new. When Tony was fourteen, he was already attending MIT and it never even crossed his mind to paint things with his feet – and now, when he’s over forty posing as almost forty, he finds out he’s been missing out a lot.

The game ends when time for dinner comes. Annik invites Nate to stay and he agrees, mostly because he still needs to talk to Marcel about the boy’s request from last week.

Tony didn’t realize it was so late: it’s hard _not_ to count hours obsessively when you have constant deadlines but for once Tony managed to forget about everything. It’s a great feeling.

There’s chicken and a salad for dinner, simple but very tasty, and ice cream for dessert. Afterwards all the kids disappear into their rooms or their hiding places in the backyard and Nate is left alone with Marcel. Tony cleared the _lesson_ with Miles, who confirmed that the boy indeed has really good grades in sciences.

‘ _How bout u show me what u do @ school_ ,’ Tony types and Marcel immediately smiles at the symbols. Older people get annoyed when Tony writes this way, but hey, it’s efficient.

‘Here’s my notebook. And my textbook,’ the boy slides them across the table and sits cross-legged on his chair.

The school stuff is, well, dull. Tony has always though so, even back when he was at school himself, and most of the time the lessons are boring and theoretical.

‘Look at the other end,’ Marcel prompts, tapping his fingers on the table. ‘It’s from the Physics club.’

Tony does look and it’s a big change at the first glance; not only is the material more advanced, but there are notes from experiments and a lot of observations written down in Marcel’s neat handwriting, data for homework and assignments, it seems.

‘ _That all u have 2 show 2 me_?’ Tony types and looks at the boy challengingly. Marcel smirks and gets another notebook, bigger and thicker, out of a bag that’s on the floor at his feet. ‘ _This is?_ ’

‘Some things I’ve been teaching myself.’

Tony takes the notebook and flips page after page, looking through the equations and the notes, the subjects Marcel’s been studying and the results of his work, and after a few minutes of silence he leaves the notebook open on one of the pages, tracing the rough paper with his fingers. The things inside are advanced, but Tony can tell Marcel is waiting for more challenges.

‘ _So u like Physics_.’

‘Yeah –’

‘ _& u asked me for help._ ’

‘You seemed like someone who can do more than type codes?’ Marcel half-says, half-asks. He’s a weird mixture of cocky and self-conscious and he _is_ clever. Tony likes him even more now. ‘I don’t know who else I can ask… We don’t have money for special summer classes. And with scholarships, you know how it is,’ he adds, suddenly taking interest in his hands.

Tony doesn’t know how it is with scholarships, he’s never received one; there were many options, but he really didn’t need the money and he preferred someone else who needed it to have it. Howard approved, it was good for the press.

Nate never got a single one.

‘ _How about I quiz u_?’

‘Yeah, okay,’ Marcel agrees and leans over the table. ‘Come on.’

Tony laughs soundlessly – it’s something that Nate has been doing recently and it’s more expressive than Tony Stark ever was.

It takes half an hour and Marcel does really good; it’s so coincidental that it’s funny, finding such a jewel by accident. The boy, if taught by smart and observant people, could be amazing.

‘ _U want to study -?_ ’

‘I like lots of things, but – but I think Physics _is_ my favorite.’

‘ _Ok,_ ’ Tony types and then he has this brilliant idea. ‘ _U know, sb will teach u, I make sure. Need 2 do sth first. Tell u for sure nxt week, k?’_

 _‘_ Yeah, sure,’ Marcel agrees, suddenly not meeting Tony’s eyes, and Tony gets it. He knocks at the table and makes a loud sound to draw the boys attention.

‘ _I make sure u have sb 2 to take care of you, right? I WILL._ _not leaving u now_ ,’ Tony types quickly. The tablet’s surface feels sticky under Tony’s fingers. Marcel reads the words three or four times, looks at Tony, and grins.

‘Thanks,’ the boy says.

 

 

Tony goes back to his workshop instead of going home; Happy is out for the day and Doc is out for the week, so Tony is finally free to do some more work without his babysitters leaning over his shoulder.

‘Get me a pizza delivered here, J, in two hours. Remind me a few minutes before. And give me some tunes –’

‘I’m afraid you have a phone call, sir – Iron Man has. It’s Captain Rogers.’

‘Right now?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Well, skip the tunes and patch him through,’ Tony says, getting himself a bottle of cold orange juice from the mini-fridge.

‘This place is really good,’ Steve’s excited voice fills the room. Tony smirks around his cup. ‘We got a close look at every corner and this is _really_ good, we’ll have enough space for everything I wanted and some more, and it’ll need less renovating that I was afraid it would.’

‘Task-focused, I see,’ Tony comments drily, though it’s lost in Iron Man’s voice.

‘It’s good to have something to focus on,’ Steve replies sheepishly; Tony can imagine the exact face the man must be making right now.

‘You alone there?’

‘Nat and Clint left… maybe an hour ago?’

‘Then why are you staying?’ Tony asks, throwing the empty juice bottle into a bin with perfect aim and slumping in his armchair. There is a moment of silence and when Steve speaks up, he sounds slightly embarrassed. It’s cute.

‘Thought I could, you know, check the place out in practice.’

Tony raises his eyebrows, gesturing at JARVIS to put up his latest saved files on the screen.

‘You’re sleeping there?’

‘Yeah –’

‘Don’t want to be in your S.H.I.E.L.D. room more than necessary?’

‘You got me,’ Steve laughs drily. ‘The atmosphere there is still pretty morbid, though it’s nice to see Natasha and  Clint behaving more normally finally, and they’ll be calmer since Phil’s gonna be okay…’

For a moment, Tony thinks about proposing to come over because Steve staying all alone in the huge dusty house sound pretty damn miserable – but Tony is _really_ behind with his work because of all the hours he’s been spending out in the streets and with S.H.I.E.L.D. There are a few things that just can’t wait.

‘You’ve got the sense of adventure,’ he says in the end, smirking to himself and biting his tongue before he can add _were you a Boy Scout back in 40s_? Still not an Iron Man thing to say.

‘I’ve been cooped up in the HQ room for much too long. Even back in my days, we’d go out and walk the city streets at night every few days.’

 _And get beat up, at least you_ , Tony thinks, but says nothing.

He’s got an idea.

‘Well, I just wanted to let you know everything went fine here with me and the others. I knew you were worrying about them.’

‘Thank you for the call.’

‘Bye, Iron Man,’ Steve says and hangs up.

Tony looks up at the ceiling.

‘Send an extra-large sausage, cheese-stuffed crust, to where Steve’s saying. Pre-pay.’

‘As you wish, sir,’ JARVIS replies promptly and turns on Tony’s music. There is a schematic for an arc reactor on the screen, and a few other less important projects, and a half-finished code for one of Nate’s jobs that Tony decides to start with.

 

 

During the week the Avengers still help out with clean-up, but the hours are shorter. Tony gets home after lunch and goes to the workshop to do the overdue work, continuing his daily routine, and everything seems perfectly boring – right until Nate gets a message from Fury.

‘They’re asking me if I would like to work with their specialists on creating a security system for the new Avengers Headquarters,’ he explains to Happy before dinner. Happy doesn’t seem to notice what the problem is.

‘So?’

‘ _So_ , Nate was never supposed to be out in the world that much, maybe?’ Tony answers with a question, slightly irritated. Okay. More like nervous.

‘You’re worried you won’t be able to keep the act up?’

‘Not at all,’ he scoffs, sitting by the table and helping himself with the food. ‘Sit down, Happy. Don’t loom over me – well, don’t you think it could be a problem that Nate would have to come to the HQ pretty often and plan everything with the team, which means Iron Man really should be there? And he won’t? If it happens too many times, someone’s gonna notice something is off about the situation. Really. Don’t you have any imagination?’

‘I have plenty imagination,’ Happy grumbles, glaring at Tony. ‘Why would you need to discuss it with the team?’

‘I don’t think they’ll agree to anything less, come on, I’m on it and –’

‘It’s their safety it’s about, I know, boss, I do know a thing or two about security,’ Happy cuts in with a small grin, glancing around the kitchen subtly. Tony knows he’s mentally assessing all the safety precautions installed in the flat and upgraded before Nate Rives moved in. Work of art. ‘Can’t you send J in the suit?’

‘JARVIS, all by himself?’ Tony wonders, staring into the A.I.’s nearest camera. It does sound like a good idea and it could work since JARVIS is fully sentient, but Tony knows something Happy – or anyone else for that matter – doesn’t know. ‘He wouldn’t want to,’ Tony states.

JARVIS stays silent, but Tony knows perfectly that the A.I. is somehow relieved.

‘He wouldn’t want to,’ Tony repeats; Happy doesn’t question that statement, he knows better than that. JARVIS _is_ fully sentient and all the jazz, but Tony knows that he’d be very uncomfortable given that much freedom, JARVIS is always worried about the level of independence Tony gives him. They’ve had that discussion countless times, but JARVIS insists he should be under Tony’s orders and protocols, especially around other people. And being in the same room without the ability to communicate freely would make that impossible.

‘You’ll think of something, boss – you could always claim Nate is anti-social. He almost is, you know.’

‘Don’t you start with that again,’ Tony says in a warning tone. Happy rolls his eyes. ‘No, really – you don’t get to call me a recluse now that I have Pepper and Rhodey. I ever visited Mrs. Linz last week and you know it. I’m fine with how things are. I’m not talking about that again.’

‘You just were –’

‘Oh, shut up,’ Tony sighs, wrapping his spaghetti around the fork skillfully. ‘I still need to contact Bruce – _Nate_ does.’

‘Yeah, good luck with that,’ Happy says. Tony glares. That just has to work out somehow.

 

 

Nate does send Bruce a message, asking if the man would have a moment on Thursday afternoon to meet for a coffee. Bruce doesn’t write back until midday, but in the end he says yes. Nate comes to the man’s lab at four; Bruce is not helping out in the streets anymore. He did some work at the beginning, but without the Hulk he doesn’t possess any extra strength so he’s more needed in the labs.

‘ _Thanks for agreeing_ ,’ Nate types for Bruce as he enters the lab.

‘I must say I am curious as to why you wanted a meeting,’ Bruce admits, finishes typing something on his laptop and closes it. ‘You asked if I had time on Saturday?’

‘ _I know you don’t like going out to people too much, but I’ve got this favor to ask._ ’

‘A favor?’ Bruce cocks his head and frowns slightly. He’s intrigued. Good.

‘ _I know someone who could use your help,_ ’ Tony types and Bruce look at him sharply.

‘My help?’

‘ _You know how being a very smart person without a proper guidance can end up,_ ’ Tony types, turns the tablet around even though Bruce can read upside-down, and stares. Bruce stares back, keeping silent for a long moment, and then nods sharply.

‘Tell me what this is about.’

‘ _There’s a boy I know, Marcel, he’s 15 and an orphan…_ ’ Tony starts typing, quickly explaining the whole situation. Bruce would do better than Nate at teaching Marcel, Tony is sure. The boy’s fascinated with Bruce’s area of expertise and while Tony Stark would know enough to teach, Nate doesn’t.

He could, if Bruce didn’t agree, because Marcel doesn’t deserve being left alone, but Tony can tell from the spark in Bruce’s eyes that the man is hooked. There are too many similarities between the boy and a lot of people around Bruce to ignore.

Tony shows Bruce some of the boy’s notes and things he’s been working on, and Bruce’s curiosity only grows until he’s itching to see Marcel by himself. It’s endearing to watch. Bruce is usually very wary about being out with civilians and hardly ever spends more time than absolutely necessary outside of S.H.I.E.L.D. or the Avengers’ company so that’ll be good for both of them.

‘ _We were supposed to get coffee,_ ’ Tony types at some point. They’re still in the lab. Bruce blinks and looks around, as if he forgot where he was.

‘How about we get some, there’s this place a few blocks away, and you tell me how you met Marcel?’

‘ _That’d do_ ,’ Nate agrees and walks out of the room, Bruce close behind him.

Nate’s activities are no secret, Tony would prefer the Avengers not to know about everything he does in his free time. Marcel is worth revealing some secrets, though.

The secrets will have to be revealed at some point, anyway, hopefully _far_ in the future.

At least some of them.

 

 

On Saturday Nate takes Bruce to the Riverside – after talking about the situation with Miles – and leaves him with Marcel while he plays with the kids. The weather is a bit rainy, so most of the games take place inside today.

After three hours, when Bruce finally emerges from the upstairs, with grinning Marcel at his side, Tony is pretty exhausted. Spending time with the kids is amazing, but it depletes Tony’s energy levels quickly; he’s been working pretty long hours recently so the two things combined leave him dreaming about spending the rest of the day on the bed, watching movies or conversing with JARVIS about whatever comes to his mind. Just – _rest_.

Especially that Scott is coming over the next week and Tony knows he’s not in his best condition. Scott will notice that straight away. Tony would prefer if the man visited another time, a few weeks later, but Scott’s been conspiring with Pepper behind Tony’s back and there is no force that can stop those two .

‘We’ll be meeting three times a week, at least during holidays, unless duty calls the Avengers,’ Bruce explains Tony when they’re driving to new HQ. Tony didn’t know Bruce drove; it makes sense though, given that the alternatives are either too expensive for a doctor on a run – or too dangerous for everyone involved, when it comes to public transpiration. ‘You’re a lucky man, to find someone like him, and he’s even more lucky to have somebody who cares enough to make effort to help him.’

‘ _Had to_ ,’ Tony types, not offering an further explanation, but Bruce doesn’t ask.  ‘ _Who with Agent Coulson_?’

‘Fury is staying with him right now, so that Clint and Natasha could have some time off. They really don’t have to be there all the time, but try to stop them – you can’t. They’ll get away from that place, at least.’

‘ _You worry about them_.’

Bruce reads the words and chuckles with amusement.

‘I think I worry about everyone, you included. That’s just the kind of person I am.’

‘ _Hulk_?’

‘That, too, but we’ve reached an understanding of sorts recently. He’s calmer, so I don’t – I’m not worried about him attacking any of you. I’ve been a bit too close to some crazy things, though, and that leaves a man with a lot of anxiety. I can’t be hurt, I can’t get sick, but they can. You can. So.’

‘ _That’s what being around people does to you_?’

‘It’s easy not to worry when you’re alone. Harder when you have friends.’

‘ _Got it_ ,’ Tony types, thinking about Pepper’s visit, and hides the tablet in his bag. He recognizes the neighborhood: they’ll be at the new HQ any minute now. Nate has agreed for a meeting while Iron Man couldn’t come – he hasn’t been around for two days before, to make it look less suspicious. Tony will probably try to play it with as few face-to-face meetings with everyone as possible – and as much of consultation via email as they’ll agree to.

There hasn’t been any team-talk before the meeting, Clint and Steve said they have a very good idea and will share it when they meet with Nate. So Tony isn’t prepared at all for what Clint says, as soon as they are seated around a table in an otherwise empty room, surrounded by the scent of fresh paint.

‘I know you write programs for medical A.I.s and that you’re damn smart, man,’ Clint says with a grin. Tony raises and eyebrow. ‘We thought maybe you could write us a program that would take care of the security.’

Tony blinks a few times, looking between Clint and Steve, and adjusted his glasses; he’s been doing that recently, the habit finally taking over ruffling his now non-existent hair.

‘ _A.I._?’

‘Yeah. That’d be pretty cool if it could control all the cameras and sensors we’d install and do all the jobs for us – I’d rather trust an A.I. than a man.’

Tony looks at Steve questioningly, he hasn’t expected Cap to be the one to come forward with such an idea. Steve shrugs slightly and lets an amused smile on his lips.

‘I grew up on early science-fiction books,’ he says, as if it explained everything. Tony nods in understanding – it does explain a lot – and looks back at the tablet.

‘ _You don’t call an A.I._ it,’ he types with serious face. He wishes he could say that out loud in a firm tone. ‘ _I write them with enough personality to identify with their name_.’

‘We’d want a he, then,’ Natasha says before everyone else can speak up. All heads turn towards her instantly. ‘Less moody, if we’re thinking that way – does that mean you can do that?’

Clint snorts lightly, but stops when Natasha gives him a stern look. Those two are impossible.

‘ _It’ll take time_ ,’ Tony types, wondering how the hell is he supposed to squeeze writing an A.I. code in his schedule; it might not be very full, but it’s as much as Tony can manage and as much as he’s allowed to do.

But – _ah_. That’s a good idea.

‘ _And you’ll need a_ lot _of wire_.’

Clint flashes him a grin, sending a text to Phil straight away, and the rest of them seems satisfied.

 

 

‘I’ve got work for you, J,’ Tony calls as soon as he’s back at home, _finally_. Spending an hour with his team – people who don’t realize that they are his team – might be lovely, but that’s not enough when you develop a nasty headache.

‘Yes, sir?’

‘I want you to do something for me – you’ve heard what we talked with the team,’ Tony says, taking off his slightly wet clothes. The new HQ house is old and doesn’t have any security devices providing sound feed that JARVIS could hack, so Tony took one of his mini portable mics with himself so that JARVIS would have all the data he needs.

‘Do you want me to write the new code and create and A.I. based on all I know about the other A.I.s that you’ve built, sir?’

‘Yes, J. Bright boy, as always.’

‘I was afraid you’d say so,’ the A.I. sounds a bit resigned, but his voice is warm and amused, too. ‘Why, sir?’

‘They need it at the HQ –’

‘You could have asked me to do that a long time ago. I could have written all of the codes you did within last five years, I was developed enough.’

Tony takes off the glasses and wraps a bathrobe he left on the sofa in the morning around his thin body. He sighs and stays silent, giving JARVIS time to figure it out by himself. JARVIS is the best at finding information, hacking, controlling, but Tony’s still teaching him how to understand people all on his own.

‘You want me to make that A.I. – they wanted a _male_ – that would be an extension of myself.’

‘Right, go on,’ Tony encourages JARVIS to talk as he walks to the kitchen to grab himself something to drink.

‘You want me to be around other people.’

‘Uh-oh.’

‘So that I would make friends outside of this place. Because of what we’ve talked about once, that I’ll be left all alone when you’re gone, without a purpose.’

‘Yes, J. You got me,’ Tony flashes a dashing smile at the camera over the table.

‘That’s –’

‘You don’t have to do it, J,’ he cuts in sharply. When he exhales, it feels as if all his limbs suddenly got so heavy. ‘I want you to be happy, okay?’

‘But without you –’

‘You have to learn,’ Tony interrupts again, pouring the water JARVIS boiled for him over a teaspoon of green tea leaves, ‘that I’m not everything you have. There’s Pepper and Rhodey and Happy, and I know they treat you like a person you are, but they don’t really need you, not the way I do. They’re colleagues more than friends, more than a family. I – we – we’ve got pretty much time, still, to find you a place to be where you’d be good.’

‘You want them to _adopt_ me, sir?’ JARVIS asks, his voice quiet and soft, making Tony’s gut hurt with guilt.

‘I think that could be a good option, yes,’ Tony admits, wishing he did insist on creating a body for J all those years ago so that he could hug the A.I. now. ‘I’m sorry –’

‘That’s quite all right, sir,’ JARVIS says a bit more fiercely. ‘Will I ever be able to tell them who I am, really, if we proceed with the plan?’

‘Yes,’ Tony replies quickly. ‘But I know you are you really asking me if I’m ever going to tell them that Iron Man and Nate Rives and Tony Stark are the same person, or at least two of them, right? I – I don’t know. I don’t even think about it right now. Let’s – let’s not think about it,’ Tony adds, massaging his temples, a lemony scent of the tea soothing his headache slightly.

‘I hope you will trust them enough to tell them, at some point, sir,’ JARVIS says before going silent.

Tony isn’t sure he thinks the same. Not thinking about it is much easier than trying to come up with a situation that he’d call comfortable.

 

 

Next week the team is no longer working in the streets, all the clean-up now is left to the local authorities to manage, so the focus is work on details regarding the HQ. Everyone has some ideas by now, they just has to sit down and put everything together before Nate can start making the project of the installation he’ll need for the A.I.

On Friday afternoon the Avengers all meet in the building – it’s cleaned of all S.H.I.E.L.D. things now, with the walls painted white and the wooden floors scraped by the cleaning team Fury found for them. Tony knows that Steve has already, albeit unofficially, chosen his room. No one comments on that, but everyone knows it’s the one he’s been sleeping in since last Saturday.

‘When it comes to the training rooms, I think we’ll need a gym, a range and one big training space that could be adapted do what we’ll need,’ Steve starts, pointing at the building’s plans in front of him.

‘Swimming pool?’ Tony suggests, eyeing Clint, who offers him a tense smile. Tony knows that swimming is one of the nice light activities that will play a big part in Phil’s recovery. Tony himself doesn’t swim, as long as anyone can see him – the reactor is conspicuous so it would be impossible as long as Tony is keeping up his secret identities.

‘Good idea – there’s an old conference room in the back, ground level, it should be good to use…’ Steve muses, gesturing at everyone to have a look, and so they continue the discussion or some time.

Right until Spider Man speaks up, stopping the argument on whether there should be a lading pad for Quinjet on the outside or somewhere inside the building.

‘We need a kitchen, too,’ he says and everyone stares at him. ‘ _What_? I’m not gonna eat take-outs for the rest of the long hours I’m gonna spend here. Bruce can cook.’

‘Sure, Bruce can cook,’ Bruce repeats the words mockingly, but he’s not as annoyed as he pretends to be.

‘I can cook, too,’ Natasha offers, and every head except for Clint’s, turns towards her now. It’s pretty amusing, like a ping-ping match. ‘I know maybe you wouldn’t expect, but _yes_ , I can cook. Pretty well.’

‘You’ll love her _pierogi_ ,’ Clint adds, nodding to himself and ignoring Natasha’s stare. ‘And Thai and classical French. She’s got a variety of repertoire.’

‘Of course I have,’ Natasha scoffs, folding her arms, and Clint does the same.

Tony smirks under the helmet; it’s good to see them being more like the Natasha and Clint that Iron Man and Nate met before the Chitauri invasion.

‘Well, that was a clue to get some food that no one got,’ Spider Man adds, sounding remotely disappointed. He’s a great actor, Tony knows, almost as good as himself. ‘Starving here?’

‘I called for pizza,’ Tony says, looking at Steve who smiles lopsidedly. Tony’s been sending him a courier with some pizza every evening since that Saturday. Steve never said a word and neither did Tony, but they don’t have to. ‘Should be here in fifteen minutes.’

‘Let me know I equally appreciate your foresight and I admire how you choose to starve,’ Spider Man comments, shaking his head with disbelief.

Tony rolls his eyes, even though no one can see him, and sighs. He’s explained many times that he doesn’t have to eat when they do, but Clint and Spider Man still like to joke about that, if only to annoy him.

‘Well, we will need the kitchen to be close to our strategy room,’ Bruce says and there’s a second of silence before everyone burst out laughing.

 

 

July 1st is Sunday, so a team meeting is connected with the monthly training – they decided have them as scheduled, despite the many meeting they had recently. The team handler for now, as long as Phil is recovering, is Fury himself, and he said he’d like to see the Avengers _being themselves_.

The day passes quickly and before Tony knows, he’s back at home changing into running clothes. He wants to go for a run while he still can – the next round of radiation is starting tomorrow, so he probably won’t be able to force himself to go out running – and Scott is arriving today evening. Tony is supposed to pick him up from the airport at seven; the man will only stay for three days.

When Tony’s running the time passes quickly and nicely, he doesn’t feel the miles in his body – used to regular training despite the illness. When he’s back at home, though, standing under a thick stream of lukewarm water, he feels strangely faint.

‘Sir, your heart is beating too fast,’ JARVIS informs him when Tony leans against the cold glass to calm down his body. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Just tired, J,’ Tony replies. It’s a bit too hard to breathe for his liking. That’s – that surely isn’t anything bad, he tells himself, but he could meet with Doc sometime soon, outside of the schedule, just to be sure. ‘Make the water a bit colder and get rid of the steam,’ he adds, taking a few deep long breaths.

He’s just tired.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support I got from you!! Sometimes it's my only motivation to keep writing.
> 
> I'm sorry it's been so long. I've had a crazy two months and I was too distracted to put this together decently, so I thought it's better to wait than to rush. I hope you like this part so far, I'd love if you let me know what you think :)
> 
>  


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to dri-dri93 for beta! She did an amazing job here <3
> 
> Like I wrote earlier, the newspaper piece from the previous chapter is the day after this chapter ends. Let me know if you'd be interested in seeing more of those news/media things.I might try to come up with something :)

‘You look terrible,’ Scott tells Tony, without bothering with a hello, and brushes some dust off Tony’s lapel.

‘Same old, same old,’ Tony sighs, pulling the man into a short hug. ‘You, on the other hand, look perfect.’

‘As always, Mister S.’

‘You’re such a British gentleman,’ Tony comments, keeping his face straight and gesturing at Scott to follow. He has no luggage besides his small briefcase, so maneuvering through the thick crowd is easy.

‘Again, as always,’ Scott replies, keeping close. A few minutes later they are in the car and Happy greets Scott with a suspiciously large grin before starting the engine.

They keep silent for the rest of the ride, swinging by a Spanish place that Scott likes a lot to get some food – they don’t do deliveries when you are someone other than Tony Stark – and when they are at home they settle in the kitchen.

‘I trust you to keep boss in check,’ Happy says, grabbing a bag from under the table and leaving the room. The door closes loudly a moment later. Tony looks around, blinks a few times, and folds his arms.

‘He needs some time to rest,’ Scott comments before Tony can open his mouth.

‘Et tu, Brute?’ Tony murmurs, glancing at the front door. ‘So, why all the conspiracy?’

‘No reason,’ Scott replies promptly, taking out a few of Tony’s china plates. He’s too much of an elegant man to eat supper out of Styrofoam boxes. ‘You sit,’ he adds, pointing one finger at Tony while grabbing cutlery with his other hand. ‘I’ll get things done.’

‘I’m not an invalid, you know –’

‘You look tired.’

‘An alien invasion does that do a man –’

‘I have to admit, I am worried about your wellbeing,’ Scott cuts in again, placing the final element of the setup, crystal glasses, on the table. Then he offers Tony an embroidered napkin and sits down.

‘J, have Dummy bring us some wine.’

‘Tony –’ Scott starts, giving the man a warning look, but this time JARVIS interrupts him.

‘Sir is cleared for two glasses of wine, Mister Jarvis,’ the A.I. says, sounding slightly amused while saying the name, as always, but also remotely offended. ‘I would not let him consume any if he wasn’t.’

‘Have trust in J,’ Tony laughs at Scott’s surprised face. ‘And yes, he’s been very bossy lately. You can imagine what I have to live through every single day, between him and Happy and now Pepper.’

‘A tragedy indeed,’ Scott comments drily. ‘So, you and him –’

‘I’ve been teaching JARVIS independence,’ Tony says quietly, putting some stuffed green olives on his plate and licking the olive oil off his fingers as he pops one into his mouth. Scott rolls his eyes at that, but he knows better than to try to make Tony use cutlery when Tony’s having fun.

Scott gives Tony a long look and then glances at the ceiling, where most of JARVIS’ sensors and cameras are, giving them both a sharp nod. No further explanation needed.

Dummy rolls into the room happily, holding a bottle of an impeccable dry Merlot, and comes up to Tony to offer him the wine.

‘Good, good boy,’ Tony pats him on the arm and then nudges, pointing at the workshop door. ‘Thank you very much. Now go to your baby brothers and make sure they are fine.’

Dummy, being the good boy he _sometimes_ is, goes back obediently, his camera focused between Scott and Tony’s hands opening the wine. He’s not used to having  visitors outside of Tony’s very small circle of friends around. Scott visited Tony in the US maybe five times before this year, and it was always the other way ‘round, so Dummy is now understandably wary.

‘And them – the bots?’ Scott asks, taking the glass, now filled with wine, into his hand and swirling it inside, eyes on the flickering burgundy color.

‘Don’t know,’ Tony admits. ‘I’ve had a few ideas, but – no rush. We need to work things out.’

‘That you do,’ Scott nods, takes a sip of the wine and grabs a piece of tortilla de patatas. ‘Bon appetit.’

‘Bon appetit,’ Tony replies, sticking to his olives. They feel particularly yummy today so he goes with it; he’s been having these likes and no-likes since the radiation started and so far, the best way to deal with them is just to roll with it. Plus, stuffed olives are great.

 

 

‘You’re not coming with me,’ Tony says when he gets up to get himself some juice and finds Scott, fully dressed in his expensive soft shirt and suit trousers, in the kitchen, making scrambled eggs for both of them.

‘I am.’

‘There is absolutely no need for you to come with me,’ Tony insists, pouring himself a glass of passionfruit juice and mixing it with some sparkling water.

‘I am worried about you.’

‘Scott –’

‘Tony,’ Scott interrupts with a small humorless grin. ‘I’ve seen you going through _a lot_ of messes and I’ve been fine with the stunt you’re doing right now, fooling the whole bloody world – and I know that you’ve been refusing to have anyone come with you.’

‘But?’ Tony prompts, sitting down and placing the glass on the table with a muffled clink.

‘But I know you want to talk to your doctor and Doctor Eisen isn’t around today to be there with you, neither is Happy. Or Pepper –’

‘You’ve been –’ Tony starts, shaking his head and staring up at the ceiling; it always means the same thing.

‘Yes, we’ve been talking and I know you’ve been feeling a bit worse than before and in your condition, that’s always a reason for worry –’

‘I hate it when you say _in your condition_ ,’ Tony states flatly, tapping his fingers at the table quickly. ‘Jarvis and JARVIS, the most annoying team in the whole wide world.’

‘You were not going to tell anything to anyone,’ JARVIS offers softly and Tony can’t help but smile a little bit. JARVIS is such a worrier. ‘I know you, sir.’

‘Because something like _this_ would happen,’ Tony sighs. Maybe it won’t be so bad to have someone there, especially since Tony doesn’t think Levy will have a surprise waiting for him; Tony knows almost for sure what’s wrong. ‘Okay, Scottie, honey. You’re coming. But you’ve got to hold my hand and all the stuff.’

‘I wouldn’t expect anything less,’ Scott replies sharply and puts a heaping helping of food on Tony’s plate. ‘Now, eat up for as long as you can.’

‘ _JARVIS._ ’ Tony rolls his eyes and digs in. He’ll have words with the A.I. later – this is not the kind of independence he was thinking about, even though he knows JARVIS is only scared.

Scott does come to the clinic and waits just outside the room while Tony is in radiation. All that is such a routine now that he doesn’t even think about it, just follows with the sequence of movements and actions practiced for months. The few minutes under the machine pass like a blur and as soon as Tony is dressed, he goes outside, gestures at Scott to follow and leads him to Levy’s office.

‘Hello, Nate,’ she greets him with a smile and then nods at Scott. ‘You must be the British friend.’

‘I asked JARVIS to call,’ Tony explains, sitting down and offering Scott a wry smile. Everyone who hasn’t met JARVIS is person thinks he’s some kind of an assistant or a secretary.

‘I was told already what your symptoms are, care to confirm?’ Levy asks, taking out Tony’s document and opening the folder. She never uses his real name, just like Tony asked her to those few months ago.

‘You know all of that by now, but it’s been – I’ve been tired. More than usual, more than I should be even with everything that’s been going on,’ Tony pauses for a moment, adjusts his glasses and gives Scott a small smile. ‘Ugh, headaches and occasional dizziness, but that’s rarely – and then there’s been this last time –’

‘Irregular and rapid heartbeat after physical activity.’

‘Yes,’ Tony confirms, looking up to meet Levy’s eye. ‘I probably shouldn’t have –’

‘Running makes the body exhausted more quickly, compared to some other sports,’ Levy comments, making a note in her magical notebook. ‘That was the first time?’

‘Yeah, that’s why I’m here, you said if anything out of the ordinary –’

‘You should come to me. I’m glad you’re taking those words seriously, from Doctor Eisen’s stories, I wouldn’t be so sure – I see you know this perfectly,’ Levy turns to Scott, who is nodding slightly.

‘I had my blood tests done yesterday. Low RBC.’

‘Anemia,’ Levy murmurs to herself and scribbles some more. ‘I want to do some more tests – it’s not that uncommon for patients with radiation to abdomen areas. Between that and the trinket in your chest, we’ll need to figure out the right treatment, when I have all the test results I need.’

‘And that would be?’

‘Blood transfusion is the easiest thing, medicine if needed, but it might be a bit tricky with the reactor, so we’ll leave that out for as long as we can. RBC would probably be back to normal if we stopped radiation – but for now, it has more advantages than disadvantages, so we’ll stick to it. You’re responding to it as well as can be expected.’

‘Yeah, I know, I’m lucky like that,’ Tony sighs.

‘You’re taking your vitamins?’

‘Sure thing. Just like I was instructed.’

‘Good,’ Levy nods again, closes the folder and wraps her arms around it. ‘Now we go steal some of your blood. You can come too, Mister…’

‘Jarvis,’ Scott supplies, bowing a little. Tony rolls his eyes; Scott is always the same.

‘Is Nate’s assistant your family?’ Levy asks curiously, opening the door and letting Tony and Scott leave before she does.

‘Something like that,’ Scott chuckles softly and gives Tony an amused look.

 

 

The blood results are ready the next morning, confirming everything that Levy and Tony discussed. Since the numbers are not very bad, just slightly below normal, there is no big rush and the transfusion will take place the Monday after Tony’s done with radiation. For now, all he has to do is _rest_.

He swears he will try – he really will _try_.

It’s good to know that it’s not something more serious.

 

 

The rest of Scott’s stay is filled with good food, long walks and even longer discussions. Pepper comes over one evening and they play board games, just like they used to when Pepper started to work for Tony, over ten years earlier. It brings back so many memories that Tony gets completely lost in them; he guesses that’s what Scott and Pepper want.

They talk even more than they stroll around and Scott makes sure Tony gets all the rest he might need.

It’s another nice thing, as long as Tony doesn’t think about _whys_.

 

 

‘There is a call for you, sir,’ JARVIS says through the workshop music on Friday evening, just as Tony is finishing his work on installing an update to the interface of the newest suit he has at home, in the small workshop. ‘Captain Rogers.’

Tony nods and waves at JARVIS, which means _go on_ , without looking away from the helmet’s HUD.

‘How is the work going at the HQ?’ Tony asks without waiting for a hello from Steve, and he can almost hear Captain’s smile over the phone, just as expected.

‘Very well. If we continue like that, we should have the rooms and common spaces ready in two weeks, and the rest of the place in a month. And thanks for the food, I don’t know how –’

‘– you’re going to repay me, I know, you said that already, Steve,’ Tony finishes for the other man, nodding to himself as the progress bar hits 100%, and takes off the helmet. ‘And I told you there is no need for that at all. Yet you insist.’

‘I do.’

‘I’ll come up with something you can do for me, as a favor you owe me,’ Tony offers, walking up to the sink and washing his hands and face quickly and efficiently.

‘Iron Man?’

‘I’m here. Why are you really calling then?’ Tony asks. He waves at You and then points at the mini fridge when the bot is focused on him. You will understand.

‘Director Fury asked for our assistance with collecting stray pieces of Chitauri tech from all over New York, from several places that have been under S.H.I.E.L.D.’s supervision. They want to move all of the tech to one place and start trying to _make it work_ , as per Director’s words.’

‘Ah,’ Tony sighs, taking the smoothie from You and patting his arm. ‘Now go back,’ he murmurs at the bot who rolls away immediately. ‘When and where should I be then?’

‘Meet me in front of the new HQ tomorrow morning. Nine in the morning work for you?’

‘If it works for you,’ Tony replies with the best of Iron Man’s courtesy, even though the voice doesn’t express emotions.

‘I’ll see you then,’ Steve says before disconnecting and Tony is left with the ringing silence.

‘JARVIS?’

‘I’ll call Riverside and inform them that you won’t be there, sir.’

‘Yeah, it’s probably gonna take a few hours, moving from place to place with that band of misfits – Bruce?’

‘Doctor Banner and Captain Rogers will be with you. Spider Man won’t be there; apparently his previous arrangements don’t allow him to attend the hunt.’

‘ _The_ _hunt_ , J?’ Tony asks with amusement, then finishes the smoothie and walks up to the kitchenette to drop the glass into the sink.

‘That, at least, sounds somewhat exciting. Sir.’

‘You know me too well –’

‘Are you sure you feel up to it?’

‘– or not. _Yes_. I do. We discussed that and I plan to stick to my promises.’

‘Of course, sir,’ JARVIS says with slight disbelief clear in his voice. ‘Do you want me to show you the progress I’ve made on the security system?’

‘Oh, just drop it and call him your kid, J, old man,’ Tony replies with a wide grin and walks up to the main holographic projector where the mansion schematics appears immediately, and they are lost in conversation.

 

 

Recovering the Chitauri tech _is_ much more boring than Tony would have thought, although there is one thrilling advantage: Steve is driving the S.H.I.E.L.D.-issued Mercedes and he’s _not_ driving like a man who hadn’t seen a proper traffic in his times. He’s cutting the corners and speeding whenever he can, visibly excited with the thrill of adventure and the ease of driving the great car; Tony can only imagine how much of a change that must be from the clunky automobiles of the forties, even if they don’t fly like Howard promised all those years ago.

Tony wishes he still had access to his car collection and could take Steve for a spin in the Acura or the Bentley with upgrades he did for Happy, or at least one of the fancy Jaguar convertibles – but it’s another of the things that can be only be done in dreams.

There isn’t much bonding between the three of them in the car; Iron Man and Doctor Banner are on the level of mutual worry about the other’s well-being while Iron Man and Steve are… not exactly keeping their friendship secret, but they definitely feel more at ease when they are on their own. Also, being in the suit doesn’t help with forming interpersonal bonds, even if it’s the second newest one, which is smaller and lighter than all the others – not as good for battles but okay for _hanging out_ with people.

Most of the conversation is about the HQ, a hot topic these days, because there’s always something to add. Between stops one and two, Steve gives a report of this week’s progress. From two to four, Bruce recounts Clint and Natasha’s reactions. Four to seven, Steve tells them about the plans for the next two weeks. Seven to ten Tony talks with them about the progress _Nate_ has been making on the A.I. security system.

Place eleven is the last stop before getting the stack of boxes they now have in the back of the van to the final destination several miles outside of the city.

There is one stop at a gas station with coffee and sandwiches for the _normal_ people, and an hour later the van pulls up in front of a tall concrete wall that remotely reminds Tony of the Black Gate of Mordor.

‘Is there anything special we need to do inside the facility?’ Tony asks, getting out of the car and finally standing straight.

‘Someone should meet us in a minute,’ Steve explains, getting to the back of the car and opening the van’s door. The pieces of Chitauri tech are packed in neatly labeled black boxes and tightly tucked in the back. ‘We need to report to Deputy Director Hill. Bruce will be staying here for a few days and we can go back after we’ve signed the paperwork.’

‘Okay,’ Iron Man agrees drily as Tony smirks behind the helmet. He was wondering why couldn’t it be other S.H.I.E.L.D. agents recovering the tech; the job isn’t _that_ dangerous. Steve just wants some time alone with Iron Man and he can do something useful at the same time, so it’s perfect. Exactly what Tony would expect from Captain.

Bruce grabs a small duffel bag from the backseat and throws it over his shoulder.

‘There she is,’ he comments, gesturing at a lean dark-haired figure approaching them from the big staircase.

‘Good to see you, three sevenths of the Avengers,’ she greets them and nods at them to follow. ‘I’m glad you decided to come onboard, Doctor Banner,’ she adds. She doesn’t sound glad at all, her voice is perfectly controlled and doesn’t reveal a single emotion. Tony met her a few times before, as both Iron Man and Nate, but Maria Hill is still a fascinating mystery, even if she fits perfectly into Tony’s idea of a Deputy Director.

Bruce disappears somewhere as soon as they enter the building, as if he knew the facility well enough to find his way around it – possible – so Steve and Iron Man follow Hill into an office at the end of the corridor. It’s bright inside; the rooms have no windows so white artificial light fills the spaces. JARVIS filters it through the helmet’s electronically controlled panel; Tony’s always hated the fake light. It makes his eyes hurt.

Both Steve and Iron Man sign the transfer papers. Hill collects them, places them into a thick folder and stands straight, hands behind her back.

‘That’s all I need from you two,’ she says, slowly glancing between them. ‘You’re free to go.’

‘Thank you, Deputy Director,’ Steve says. Iron Man just nods and exits behind Steve, leaving Hill alone in the big room.

Bruce is nowhere to be seen, apparently he doesn’t feel like exchanging goodbyes.

‘Sit with me in the front,’ Steve tells Iron Man when they get to the car. Tony nods again and does as he’s told. This is going to be fun, observing Steve driving like the slightly self-conscious speeder he _totally_ is.

‘You drive well for someone who must still be used to the old fashioned cars,’ Tony says because he can’t stop himself, he’d fancy making a snarkier comment, but that would be too out-of-character.

‘I can’t say I’m not enjoying the speed,’ Steve laughs lightly and starts the car. ‘This is one of those many things we were dreaming of, back in forties. Everything was so limited back then – but this kind of progress we had in our heads all the time. Men in black suits, fast cars, women wearing pearls – you’ve read _The_ _Great_ _Gatsby_ , right? We wanted to bring all that to the next level. After the war. We – _I_ never got to. And now… most things are so different from what we wanted from the future, beyond our imagination. Having fast cars is one of those things that fulfills those old dreams. But I’m rambling –’

‘I like hearing your perspective on things,’ Tony cuts in. That’s the truth: Tony thinks in a different way than most people, but he knows exactly how they think. Steve is a blank page and Tony loves to learn about his mentality; it’s his scientist’s instinct to get to know more and more and more, always more.

Steve is one of the few things in the world that can surprise Tony easily and effortlessly – even more than an alien army. That had to happen at some point – but okay. Better not to think about _that_ too much.

‘I have something for you in the back,’ Steve informs Iron Man, grinning a little bit deviously, with subtle impression of self-satisfaction. Now, that gets Tony curious. ‘But I’ll give it to you when we’re back in NY.’

‘Tease,’ Tony replies, resting his hands on his knees and looking at the highway they’re driving down. ‘So, why did you want me to ride back to NY? Because I assume the collecting job could have been done by anyone, and yet you requested it and asked me to come with you.’

‘Ah, yes,’ Steve murmurs to himself and puts on a pair of sunglasses. ‘I know we are both too busy to get away from the Avengers business and our _real_ lives right now, so I’ll have to put my big plans away in time, but I thought that we could have a… mini road-trip of sorts? You’d show me some music?’

‘Someone was reading fifties’ literature, huh?’ Tony asks, laughing internally. Steve is just so cute sometimes.

‘Can’t say no,’ Steve admits, staring straight ahead at the road, but Tony can see a mischievous gleam in Cap’s eyes. Good that Tony’s been informed better than most people, and he never expected Steve to be a perfect law-abiding citizen.

‘Okay,’ Tony nods to himself and shifts slightly to make it easier for him to reach Steve’s smartphone, which is connected to the van’s audio system – Tony wonders why it would even have one, but S.H.I.E.L.D. can’t always be explained rationally – and quickly finds _Hotel California_ and turns the volume up a bit. His last road trip took place… sometime in the nineties, so he’s going to make the two hours the true essence of the experience.

 

 

The next week is slow.

It starts with Tony unpacking the magical box Steve gave him at the end of the _road trip_ – it’s filled with homemade chocolate chip cookies. Tony eats them for breakfast before radiation with a glass of cold almond milk, and it’s perfect. Steve told him that even if he can’t see Iron Man being a normal human, he might enjoy the Cap-made cookies in the privacy of his own home, without anyone looming over his shoulder and trying to guess his identity. Tony laughed, thanked Steve and decided to use the cookies as a good day charm during the second week of radiation.

Tony sleeps a lot and rests as much as he can allow himself to between everything he’s still trying to accomplish: finishing two independent projects that Nate is doing charitably, supervising JARVIS creating the security A.I. – which is going very quickly – and cooperating with the S.H.I.E.L.D. team on the Tesseract work. The Cube might not be around anymore, but there’s _a lot_ of data that needs to be analyzed that could be helpful with the future, in case something happened.

And anything could happen.

Nate visits Mrs. Linz and spends Wednesday evening on a small soiree at his neighbors from two floors down, eating authentic Brazilian food and watching people dancing. Nate doesn’t dance and for once no one has any problem with that. They make it into a competition and Tony is the referee, even though he knows next to nothing about Latin dances.

Iron Man visits Phil in the hospital again and learns the man should be released home within a week. Most of the HQ’s rooms are ready, already equipped with the wires and other devices Nate said were necessary for the A.I. to be able to function. The walls are painted and everything is clean; they’re just waiting for all the furnishings to arrive.

Nate goes on a trip to the park with Annik and the three youngest kids on Friday and when he walks them back to Riverside, he meets Bruce, who is leaving the place after his meeting with Marcel. They only exchange hellos though, as Bruce is in hurry and Tony has Pepper coming over for the night and he needs to get supplies for dinner before he goes home. He’s been taking a different antiemetic since last week and it’s working better than the previous one, so he can eat easily even during the radiation days.

All those small mundane things feel like a blessing.

They eat clam chowder and drink root beer; Happy has the weekend off and he’s out of state, visiting his second cousin or something like that – JARVIS knows. When they’re done with dinner there’s movie time and Tony falls asleep in Pepper’s lap before half of the movie passes. Her presence seems to calm him; there are no nightmares at night, and when he wakes up JARVIS states it’s eight in the morning.

‘I can’t believe I slept that long,’ Tony murmurs to himself, sneaking out of the warm nest of the soft blanket, and cleans himself up in the bathroom. When he walks into the kitchen, Pepper is sitting by the table, reading one of the magazines from Happy’s _Tony Stark_ collection and snickering quietly.

‘We’re eating scrambled eggs,’ she says as soon as she hears Tony’s soft footsteps. ‘These are amusing. I keep up with what they say about you – about Stark – in more serious papers, but honestly, these are so bad that it’s almost funny.’

‘Glad to know you think so, too,’ Tony snickers and props himself up the counter next to the stove, ignoring Pepper’s disapproving looks saying _really, Tony?_

He’s missed it.

‘Juice?’

‘Yes please,’ Tony replies, swinging his legs. ‘So what did you do yesterday when I dozed off? And how did I find myself in my bed?’

‘I helped you there. Thought you would remember, genius,’ she teases, handing him the glass of juice. ‘I spent half of the night with the bots. Believe me or not, but I’ve missed them, and I couldn’t fall asleep –’

‘So you played virtual basketball with them?’ Tony asks, raising one eyebrow. Pepper would always claim the bots were unruly and annoying like spoiled children, but in the end she’s always been totally smitten with them. Who wouldn’t?

‘Might have been not so virtual.’

Tony laughs, imagining Pepper running around in her Louboutins, and feels Pepper’s eyes on him.

‘What?’

‘Nothing,’ she replies, walking up to him and wrapping her hands around his arms. ‘It’s just good to see you laughing – are you happy, Tony?’

He chuckles drily. ‘You know me well, Pep. You know I’ve never been the one for happy or unhappy –’

‘ _Tony._ ’

‘– but despite everything, I can tell you I am _happier_. Satisfied?’

‘Very,’ she murmurs, kissing his cheek and pulling away. ‘Now, I’m going to make you eat,’ she adds, grabbing an egg carton from the table. Tony can’t wait.

 

 

Riverside time passes quickly, as always. The weather is lovely again so they spend the whole afternoon outside, with the children playing with water and Nate staying away from the swimming pool with a few kids that don’t feel like getting wet. Water is not a problem, but Tony doesn’t particularly enjoy it, and while he can hide the reactor in his chest perfectly underneath his clothes, it wouldn’t be that easy if they were clinging to his body. And kids ask all kinds of questions he’d prefer not to answer.

Tony spends the evening in his favorite bar, exchanging local gossip with Lawrence and a few other acquaintances over ginger ale and club sandwiches.

When he’s back home, after nine, the sun is already down but the sly is still colored blue, purple and pink in the west, bathing the city’s glass buildings in endless colorful reflections. The view from this house is nowhere near as good as from the city’s highest buildings – Tony’s been in all of them, really – and he can’t exactly see a lot of the ocean from the windows, so he takes a few deep breaths and decides that such a beautiful night is the perfect one for taking his newest suit flying.

It’s equipped with the best reflection panels in the world, as well as a set of no-light repulsors, so the only part of the armor that is visible is the arc reactor – which, from afar, will perfectly resemble a quickly moving star.

‘Get the Mark ready while I put on the undersuit,’ Tony asks JARVIS, walking to his bedroom to get changed. He’s _really_ excited, like a young kid before a first date, with his arms covered in goose bumps and a shy smile on his lips. ‘This is gonna be fun.’

‘I don’t doubt, sir,’ JARVIS replies, walking the suit into the big room from the workshop, Tony can see it out of the corner of his eye.

‘Excited, J?’

‘Not as much as you, sir,’ JARVIS says, apparently amused. ‘Everything is ready.’

‘You are a miracle worker, J,’ Tony murmurs, taking a few big steps and then letting the suit wrap around him like a soft warm cocoon. A moment later he flies out of an open window – that feels pretty crazy – and he’s above the city. The view is incredible: there’s a sea of colors and light under his feet and a clear dark sky above, tinted orange from all the artificial lights of street lamps and ads; there are no stars, but the moon is shining brightly first quarter moon . For the first few minutes Tony is half-worried that someone will spot him, no matter how unlikely that is, but then he realizes that in New York no one looks up at the sky; there isn’t anything more interesting there than the city all around.

Flying is something that finally feels like freedom, and with the city cloaked in darkness Tony can’t see the gigantic scars in the city’s tissue left from the attack almost two months ago – it’s difficult to believe it’s been that long.

 

 

On Monday morning Tony is at the Clinic with Levy; Doc is there, too, even though Tony didn’t call him.

‘I just came back from holidays yesterday evening,’ Doc explains, noticing Tony’s questioning stare. ‘I couldn’t stand another day of sitting and doing nothing. You know me.’

‘A bit too well sometimes,’ Tony murmurs, winking at Doc, and gestures at him to follow. Doc would come in anyway, but Tony likes to pretend he has a say in that.

After the usual boring check-in procedures, a nurse Tony doesn’t know leads them to a small room and asks him to sit down on one of the comfortable-looking armchairs, then insertes a cannula into his vein and attaches the IV line.

‘So, we’re all set up,’ Doc states, sitting down on a chair he dragged from the other end of the room. He then takes out something small from his rucksack. ‘Here we go,’ he adds, waving the thing at Tony and then opening it on the small table that’s standing between them; Tony already knows what it is. A mini chess set.

‘So, we passing time?’

‘That we are. We’ve got an hour and a half,’ Doc confirms, setting the black pieces and shoving the white ones across the table towards Tony. ‘Do your own work.’

‘Sure thing, mein komamndant.’ Tony offers Doc a mock-salute and does as he’s told, careful not to do anything to the line attached to the crook of his arm.

The time does pass quickly and before Tony knows, the transfusion is done. He didn’t feel a thing – but that’s definitely not a bad thing.

Doc disappears somewhere when the nurse comes to free Tony from the thing in his arm; they are going to see each other soon, anyway; Doc will come over to Tony’s place sometime later this week. Tony thanks the nurse, pressing a sterile gauze pad down tightly to prevent a bruise from forming where the needle entered his vein. Out of the room he heads for Levy’s office; she asked him to come over for a moment, just to make sure everything is fine.

‘I am alive and perfect,’ Tony announces as soon as he enters the room. Levy doesn’t look up from a stack of papers she’s signing, but nods at him. Tony walks up to the desk and sits on the chair.

‘No problems?’

‘Not at all. Imagine.’

‘That’s good – well,’ she says, putting the pen in her hand away and looking up at Tony. ‘I should inform you about all potential side effects –’

‘Which I know all there is to know about.’

‘– I bet you do. Just look out for _anything_ : rash, fever, chest pain…if something is wrong, you give me a call. It might be nothing, but I want to know.’

‘Sure thing.’

‘Good. Will you give yourself a lazy day today if I ask you? Just in case?’

‘All of them are lazy nowadays,’ Tony points out, adjusting his glasses. ‘But yeah. I can. I’ve got lots of via-internet work to do, so I can literally work from my bed. Who knows, I might – by the way, I wanted to tell you something.’

‘Yes?’

‘I was thinking about what you told me the other time we talked, about running and all that? I thought I could take up another sport,’ Tony says quickly, the words almost overlapping. ‘Since running and me don’t seem to agree with each other anymore, not as much as I’d like –’

‘Nate,’ Levy cuts in and it takes Tony a second to realize she’s calling him by his name. It hasn’t happened in… several weeks. But it’s always trickier with people who do know he _is_ Tony. ‘You know that the prognosis we made gives you almost two years, as of now – but things are going to get tougher. I’m not going to lie to you.’

‘I know, I know,’ Tony admits, but he’s not looking at her. He doesn’t want to.

‘What did you think of?’ Levy asks, her voice a tone softer.

‘Cycling sounds fun,’ Tony replies, nodding to himself, as if he was trying to persuade his inner voice that he’s telling the truth. Maybe he is. Maybe it will be fun. ‘I could just, you know, _commute_. Speed down unexistent bike lanes if I feel like getting tired, cycle a few miles down the island to get something from a bakery or a coffee shop I like and pretend it’s a workout if I don’t feel like exercise, you know, that kind of thing.’

Levy leans back in her chair and gives Tony a long look while the room is perfectly silent.

‘I cycle,’ she says in the end, beaming at him. ‘As do some of my friends. Maybe we can arrange something together, from time to time.’

‘Sure thing –’

‘Here,’ she scribbles something on a piece of paper, quickly making a mini plane out of it and throwing it in Tony’s  lap. ‘My favorite bike shop. It’s in Brooklyn, but you’ll love it. And – good choice. I do think it’s fun,’ she adds and gets up.

Tony follows suit and shakes her hand before waving at her and leaving the room.

Maybe cycling won’t be as much fun as flying, but it might be worth giving it a shot.

 

 

Tuesday afternoon Nate arrives at S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ, just like he was requested the night before. Tony managed to finish one of the charity projects just before leaving home and asked JARVIS to have one last look at it before the A.I. sends it to Mr. Jonson.

 _‘Good evening everyone_ ,’ Nate greets the small group of people he’s meeting with; there are a few of the scientists he’s been working with on the Tesseract project, Maria Hill, Director Fury and two other people Tony hasn’t met. Agent #1 and Agent #2, he calls them in his head for now. Fury doesn’t do introductions, Tony will find out all he needs to know later.

‘Good to have you here, Rives,’ Fury says in his dangerous voice and gestures at everyone to sit around the oval table. ‘I have been talking with my men here for a few days, especially after Iron Man and Captain made the rapid speed delivery to our facility out of town.’

‘ _Why am I here?_ ’ Tony types, looking around the room. The scientists’ team seems somehow shy. Curious.

‘We have the best men from the whole country – and maybe the world – and they aren’t able to figure out how to get the Chitauri weapons working.’

Ah. That explains the scared attitude.

‘ _And where do I come into the picture_?’

‘We hope you might be able to help,’ Hill explains, turning on one of the Stark Industries-made hologram screens. ‘You’ve been working with the Tesseract team and did a good job at writing all the algorithms and the analyzing programs we needed. Now, we need something similar.’

‘ _Programs won’t make the weapons work_ ,’ Tony types quickly and shows Hill the tablet. She exchanges a long look with Fury and scowls slightly.

‘We know that, Rives. But they might help those morons around you understand what they need to do –’

‘ _Why so suddenly?_ ’ Tony asks, wondering exactly that; it’s been a few weeks since the attack when the weapons were suddenly moved to one place and now S.H.I.E.L.D. seems to desperately want to master the alien tech. Probably not a coincidence.

‘There have been three attacks over a month ago. It’s not public, so don’t share this information with anyone,’ Hill states and waves at the screen; a map of the USA appears in mid-air. ‘Three red dots,’ she shows the points in Chicago, Atlanta, Knoxville. ‘Three attacks at banks, a few hundred thousand dollars stolen. No one was hurt. We made sure no one would know about them since a Chitauri weapon showed up on security footage. _Someone_ clearly made one of them work.’

‘ _Can’t you bring them in?_ ’ Tony types, because that sounds like the most logical thing to do.

‘We can’t find them,’ Hill admits, sounding pretty angry. Understandable. ‘We’ve been looking for them for a month, and it’s as if they disappeared into thin air. We can’t use any public means to contact them, like notices on TV and in papers, as this is obviously classified information. We’ll keep looking, but in the meantime we want to figure it out on our own. Clearly, it’s possible,’ she finishes, giving the scientists a death glare.

‘ _I don’t think I can help you_ ,’ Tony types and holds his hand up in a _wait_ gesture when he sees Hill wants to say something, ‘ _but you’re asking the wrong person. I’m just an IT man. A programmer. You do know the best engineer around._ ’

Hill and Fury exchange another long look, but this time they end up smirking. It’s only slightly unsettling.

‘Iron Man,’ Fury states and chuckles humorlessly. ‘Good idea indeed.’

‘ _He should be able to help you with the reverse engineering_.’

‘I’ll call him when we’re done,’ Hill says to no one in particular and writes something in her file.

‘ _Is that all?_ ’

‘It is indeed, Rives,’ Fury stands up and gestures at everyone to go. He looks at Nate with this special smirk though, and Tony doesn’t know what to make of it.

 

 

There are two phone calls in the morning.

One, Fury asks Iron Man to come over the next Monday and sends him a few files about what he’d like Iron Man’s help with. Tony has the files on his servers already – and many more – but it doesn’t matter. He replies with a confirmation of the date and hour of the meeting. This is going to be exciting.

Two, Clint asks Nate to come by the Avengers HQ. But Nate has to decline due to his other jobs. Partially true: Nate always seems to have something to do between all the commissioned work, Riverside and his personal life.

In the evening there’s a party.

There are two reasons to celebrate: Phil is out of the hospital, _finally,_ and the team is moving in to the new HQ – that is, Clint, Natasha, Phil and Bruce are. Steve has been living there, and eating pizza sent by Iron Man; Tony and Spider Man are not going to stay permanently, just like they said.

Thor is not around and there hasn’t been word from him, but Tony knows – thanks to JARVIS, of course – that Bruce is in contact with his girlfriend and she promised to give the team a heads up in case the prince appears on Earth.

JARVIS’ kid A.I. should be ready in a week; he’s almost done, but Tony and JARVIS need to run _a lot_ of tests before they can send their baby out in the big world and be completely sure that everything will go as it should. For a few days the presence of a superhero team must be enough security.

The party is small – it’s just the members of the team – but it’s very nice nevertheless. It begins with a tour. Iron Man has a room in the HQ, too. Probably because the place is big enough  that there’s enough spare space for whatever his inhabitants might fancy, and that is after including the training areas and Quinjet landing pad in the project. The room has a simple bed with red sheets and a few of Steve’s drawings on the walls, Cap’s housewarming gift to everyone.

When no one is looking, Tony takes one of them off the wall, his favorite – Iron Man’s helmet with the New York skyline reflecting in the shiny metal, looking almost like a photograph – and hides the carefully rolled paper in one of the suit’s many magic pockets.

He really wants it back at home.

When the HQ tour is done, they sit in one of the common spaces, a big living room, on the only furniture available. There are three big sofas and a big tea table in the middle of the room, covered with food.

There is a lot of homemade food – Iron Man doesn’t eat, but he receives another box-for-later from Cap – and a lot of fancy sodas, since no one declared that they wanted to drink alcohol. One downside of this is that Tony can’t expect any drunken confessions, which could be interesting. Maybe another time.

They spend a few hours talking, eating, laughing, and _not_ thinking about anything negative.

Phil is here and he is fine. It’s been two months, but they saved the city from destruction and maybe the world from alien domination.

Pretty damn good reasons to celebrate.

And when the party ends, Tony goes flying.

When he’s finally back at home it’s already dawn.

 

 

Saturday is Riverside, Sunday is Doc dragging Tony around strange antique shops and flea markets Tony had no idea existed – he buys a few ridiculous things for Happy and Pepper, and a vintage Captain America poster for Cap – and then eating out in the city’s best Lebanese.

Monday comes too quickly for Tony’s liking, but that’s not a surprise. Half of the world could probably say the same. He’s not in the mood for dealing with anyone – that happens sometimes – especially not Fury, but to Tony’s advantage he’s hidden behind the suit, so he doesn’t have to keep a shit-eating grin plastered on his face, like Tony Stark often had to.

The advantages of a secret identity. Tony could write a manual, with Spider Man’s footnotes, maybe.

‘I know what you want me to do,’ Iron Man states as soon as he gets into the room where Fury is already waiting. This is _so_ going to be the shortest meeting ever.

‘Good for you,’ Fury replies drily, wrapping his hands behind his back and observing Tony scrutinizingly with his one eye.

‘I will help you with what you want from me –’

‘I never expected a different answer –’

‘– but I can do something better,’ Tony finishes, ignoring Fury’s words.

‘Better?’

‘I can bring you the man who made the Chitauri gun work,’ Tony declares, the amusement in his voice lost on Iron Man’s emotionless tone. Tony already knows, thanks to JARVIS and some of his own insight, who the thief – and his girlfriend – is. He also knows that they won’t use the weapons again so S.H.I.E.L.D. won’t find them.

‘How can you be so sure?’ Fury asks skeptically, pacing around the room slowly. Iron Man doesn’t move an inch.

‘I have my resources,’ Tony replies smugly. That’s as much as he’s willing to say. They have  to trust him with this one, like they did with the nuke. Tony _knows_ that Fury likes him and that he was worried about Iron Man, even if the Director would never admit that.

‘I can give you a week. And I want you to help, anyway.’

‘I would expect nothing less,’ Tony paraphrases Fury’s words, nods at the man and leaves.

That wasn’t such a bad beginning of the week. Tony decides to use the rest of the day productively, since he’s already outside, and goes to a few places: Phil’s birthday is in September – he probably isn’t supposed to know that – so Tony ignores the secrecy and gets Agent a set of Captain America shield cufflinks. Then he gets himself a pistachio and chocolate gelato, walks for half an hour and ends up on a metro train to Brooklyn. The sooner he gets a bike, the better.

 

 

‘Well, I certainly didn’t expect _this_ ,’ Happy comments when Tony steps out of the elevator with a Cervélo. It was a quick decision, but as soon as Tony sat on the bike, he knew it was a perfect one.

‘This, as in?’ Tony asks, taking the bike inside the apartment. He could probably leave it downstairs, but it’s his new toy baby so he wants to keep it safe.

‘As in a blue bike. Seriously, boss, I wouldn’t expect anything less than red or gold – and here you are. With a blue bike.’

‘At least it’s not covered with reflection panels – hey, that’s a good idea,’ Tony adds, flashing Happy a wide smile, and leaves the bike by the door. He has a bag full of cycling gear in his hand, so he drops that one, too. ‘What is that?’ he asks, noticing something that looks like a mini-mountain covered with black cloth in the far end of the room.

‘JARVIS told me what you were up to,’ Happy offers, grinning slightly. Uh-oh. ‘So I thought I could be a step ahead,’ he adds, reaching the thing and pulling the cloth off the thing.

Tony stares and then laughs: it’s a perfectly elegant Cannondale racing bike.

‘Running is not my thing, but I thought we could give this a try,’ Happy adds and Tony can see the man is pleased with himself. This – it sounds like a good idea.

‘Just admit you want to do this only because you want to keep an eye on me all the time,’ Tony teases, winking at Happy, and disappears in the bathroom. Time for a long hot shower. They can go explore the neighborhood’s cycling life tomorrow.

 

 

Cycling, Tony decides, is a very Nate thing to do, so he doesn’t have any problem with arriving at the new Avengers HQ with his rainy blue bike to finally discuss the installation of the security A.I. in the house. Tony is going over the program with JARVIS in the evening and tomorrow it’ll be ready to use.

Only Steve and Phil are in the house, not counting two teams working on the training room and finishing the swimming pool. Bruce is in his lab at S.H.I.E.L.D., as always, and as far as Tony knows Natasha and Clint left for three days for a short mission. Spider Man is never around on weekday mornings; that’s one of the big hints that he actually has a regular job, even if he always finds time to get away when it comes to superhero-ing.

Nate comes with a box full of homemade muffins; he was feeling like having some yesterday so Happy went to the deli and bought everything they needed and they spend the evening baking. Tony is not a great baker; Happy is much better, probably because he really loves sweets.

Nate hands the box to Steve as soon as he’s inside the house; there is a note on the top saying _let’s call this a housewarming gift_.

‘All of you insist on feeding me, don’t you?’ Steve murmurs, sounding pretty happy with that. Tony raises an eyebrow questioningly, acting as if he didn’t know what this is about. ‘Iron Man keeps sending me food every single day,’ Steve explains, shaking his head with disbelief. ‘He started with all the kinds of pizza I could dream of, and now it appears to be a stage of teaching me about other countries’ cuisines. I really loved the Tom Yum, I must admit. Even if I have a sentiment for French from the war…’

Tony listens and makes mental notes; he can’t suddenly start sending Steve all kinds of French food, that would be too suspicious, but he can do it once or twice as a lucky guess.

It turns out that Steve likes feeding people, too; it might be pretty useful when you live with a bunch of misfits who sometimes forget to care about their own well-being. Steve and Phil and Nate share a few sandwiches and sodas, talking about the A.I.; it’s half signing and half typing on Nate’s side, with Phil translating the ASL for Steve. The exchange makes the conversation slightly peculiar, but Tony can’t say he’s not enjoying himself.

‘ _We’ll need a name for him_ ,’ Tony types some time later, after it was decided that Nate will come over tomorrow to install the A.I. Or rather transfer it into the HQ’s system, but that’s technicalities.

‘I think you should have the right to come up with a name,’ Steve replies and Tony smiles internally; it’s the exact answer he was expecting and hoping for.

 

 

‘You get to choose the name for the mini you we’ll be dealing with tomorrow,’ Tony announces as soon as he steps into the house. It’s late afternoon and he’s just got a text from Happy saying that the man is picking up Tony’s latest prescription for all the meds Tony uses, which means he is with Doc.

‘Would it be too bold if I chose to name the _little me_ Anthony?’ JARVIS asks smugly and Tony can actually hear the italics in the A.I.’s speech.

‘Far too bold, baby,’ he replies, taking his shoes off and making his way to the kitchen.

‘I have time until tomorrow morning, right?’

‘All the time you need,’ Tony assures the A.I., grabs a granola bar and heads for the workshop. He’s sure Happy and Doc will come back with dinner. ‘I need to look at the code for the last time and then we can make it work. You ready?’

‘For you, sir, always,’ JARVIS repeats one of their usual lines. Tony grins at JARVIS’ camera, gives his impatient bots something to do, and sits at his main desk, the A.I.’s code already displayed on the main screen.

 

 

‘So, give me the name you chose while I was working,’ Tony murmurs, stretching his back until it pops pleasantly, after a long night filled with work and vitamin drinks that seem to work the same way coffee does at boosting energy; Tony can swear after all these hours lines of codes are embedded into his brain.

‘I was thinking Peter or Bastian, Jonathan or Tuor, sir, I’m sure you get the idea –’

‘Yeah – rummaging through my childhood reading list, J? Really?’

‘I’m not calling _our_ legacy some random name. It’s as good idea as any,’ JARVIS states, sounding mildly offended.

‘Don’t pout, baby,’ Tony winks innocently at the A.I.’s camera. ‘What did you come up with in the end?’

‘I thought we could settle for Ijon. Very few people know him, even if it’s easy to find out, sir. You would appreciate the mystery.’

‘That’s perfect,’ Tony agrees, smirking slightly at one of Ijon’s misadventures that involved his brain being split in two. That sounds… strangely appropriate. ‘And it’s efficient, you know. Short and easy to say. Good you didn’t settle on my favorite Greek myths, even if I can imagine someone calling a four-syllable name every time they want to ask a question, like Agamemnon or Halithersês –’

‘We could save that for April Fool’s,’ JARVIS states flatly. Tony chuckles and nods, knowing that J will remind him of that in late March. ‘Now you eat breakfast, sir, and I’ll download the whole code onto out portable hard drive. It should be ready in forty-six minutes.’

‘All right,’ Tony agrees and ventures into the kitchen. Happy is not there, but a bag filled with medicine with Nate Rives’ name printed all over the labels is waiting for its owner. Sleeping pills, antiemetics, painkillers, vitamins and supplements: everything Tony needs. Good.

Tony eats some toast with butter and sliced fruit – he doesn’t feel hungry at all but JARVIS would never let him leave the house without breakfast – and then takes a long warm shower.

When he’s dressed and ready to be Nate, with all elements of the _disguise_ in place, he drinks a cup of real coffee with brown sugar, a miracle for his palate, and grabs the hard drive and his one of his laptops. Cycling with all that heavy and fragile stuff is not a good idea, so Tony takes the subway to get to the HQ.

It’s just him, Steve and Phil again, but Tony – Nate – doesn’t mind.

‘ _It’s not going to take very long,_ ’ Tony types for Steve. ‘ _Installing it is the easiest part, I need to make sure everything in the house is correctly connected to the system._ ’

‘Do you mind if I leave you alone with Phil? I don’t really know how all of this work, so…’

‘ _Go on_ ,’ Tony agrees, knowing that Steve will go for a long run, his morning routine, and then he’ll probably make lunch for all three of them. Nate wouldn’t know that, though, so Tony doesn’t mention any of it.

‘I remember looking at your resume when Iron Man recommended you for our work with the Tesseract,’ Phil says after a few moments of silence when Tony connects all the cables he needs to transfer the data from his hard drive onto the HQ’s servers. JARVIS tells him on the laptop’s screen that it should take roughly ninety-eight minutes. ‘It was very impressive for someone who is not famous at all.’

‘ _I like my privacy_ ,’ Tony signs, smiling shyly. He’s had enough fame for a lifetime, but sometimes it still surprises him how much he’s enjoying his new life.

‘I gathered as much. We don’t really know a lot about you.’

Tony smiles more widely and shrugs. He _is_ happy to have S.H.I.E.L.D. unsatisfied.

‘ _How are you doing here, in your new home_?’ Tony signs, steering the conversation away from any kind of identity talk. He’d have to really watch his words if he wanted to talk identities with Phil. Agent is too perceptive for his own good, sometimes. Luckily for Tony, he is hardly ever around Nate, the last few days being an exception. It’s good when people are familiar with Iron Man _or_ Nate, but not the two of them at the same time.

‘It’s a pleasant change from the hospital. I’m mostly enjoying the peace and quiet here. I appreciate the medical staff being concerned and doing their work, but it’s good to know no one will enter your room at any given time to check one thing or another.’

Tony nods knowingly, typing a request for JARVIS on the laptop. J will find Tony a nice 15 miles route for a cycling trip for the evening, with a stop at the library and Tony’s favorite French patisserie. Someone could say that it’s a waste to _use_ such an advanced A.I. for mundane tasks like that, but Tony knows JARVIS will enjoy himself.

‘ _How is Clint doing_?’ Tony asks, leaning back in his chair and staring at the progress bar. Seventy-seven percent to go. It’s a Nate thing to ask, since he’s almost friendly with Clint, even if they don’t spend a lot of time together. Tony calls them _disability buddies_ in his head sometimes. It’s cheesy and cheap, but it works; it really makes it easier for people to understand each other when they can relate.

‘The op is going okay. He and Natasha should be back home in two days. It was their first mission since the attack, and –’

‘ _Clint didn’t want to leave you alone_.’

‘Yes, exactly,’ Phil sighs. ‘But I persuaded him that under Captain America’s watch nothing bad can happen to me. It’s good for him to be out there. He’s _terrible_ when he’s bored.’

Nate laughs soundlessly and goes back to work. Phil eventually leaves, excusing himself like a gentleman he is, and Tony is alone in the room. In the meantime he looks at JARVIS’ suggestions regarding the cycling trip, and hums to himself since his usual music is not there.

The download is complete in forty-eight minutes, then Tony double-checks all the files and the servers’ performance and when he’s sure everything is fine, he takes a deep breath.

‘Time to say hello, I guess,’ he says to JARVIS, knowing that no one is around to hear him actually speaking. J remains silent and if Tony didn’t know better, he’d say the A.I. is nervous.

Tony turns Ijon’s program on, runs a quick diagnostics and takes another deep breath. It doesn’t exactly feel the same way waking JARVIS up did – Tony is significantly less intoxicated now, plus it’s more of JARVIS’ work than his – but he’s all wound up when he finally makes himself speak up.

‘Hello, Ijon,’ he says simply, glancing at the nearest camera, just like he does for JARVIS.

‘Hello, Nate,’ Ijon replies in a soft voice, it sounds younger than JARVIS and lacks the distinctive British accent, but it makes Tony feel as if he was talking with someone he actually knows.

‘Really, J, really?’ Tony laughs. ‘You’re gonna have him call people by their first names?’

‘JARVIS based this decision on his observations over the years and took my profile into consideration,’ Ijon comments pleasantly. Tony wonders how long it’ll take him to develop JARVIS’ sassy attitude. ‘People seem to prefer being addresses by their names. It makes developing relationships easier.’

‘I bet it does,’ Tony rolls his eyes, knowing that JARVIS will see that. ‘Can you walk me through everything you’re observing at the moment? To make sure everything’s fine?’

‘Of course,’ Ijon agrees and they spend the next half an hour checking the A.I.’s connection to ever camera, every sensor and every part of the security system of the whole building.

‘Are you done? We’re having lunch in a moment,’ Tony hears Steve’s voice behind his back; Ijon did warn him that Cap – _Steve_ – is approaching.

‘ _We’re going over the system to make sure the A.I. works perfectly – I can come._ ’

Ijon can do the rest himself, leaving the detailed description on Tony’s laptop, JARVIS-the-big-brother will make sure of that.

Tony disappears from the room for half an hour, eats spinach and salmon quiche while mostly listening to Cap and Phil’s conversation, and when he’s back, Ijon is done and ready to be begin his life on his own.

‘ _Say hello_ ,’ Tony types on the laptop, grinning at Phil and Steve.

‘Good afternoon, Steve, Phil,’ Ijon speaks up and the two men’s faces lit up. ‘I’m happy to be at your service.’

‘ _We_ are happy to have you here,’ Steve declares in his Captain voice. ‘So, that is all?’ he asks, turning towards Nate.

‘ _You can ask him anything you want to know. He’s connected to several networks, in addition to having his own data storage. He’s a learning system; everything he doesn’t know yet, he can learn. Feel free to teach him_.’

‘Thank you again,’ Phil says, looking around the room.

‘ _I’ll be going_ ,’ Tony types on his tablet, packing the laptop and hard drive into the suitcase. ‘ _If you need anything, let me know_.’

‘I’m sure everything will be fine with me,’ Ijon speaks, up, making Steve jump a little. Seems like the HQ residents will have to get used to the new addition. Tony himself never had to pass through that state; he used to talk to a non-existent JARVIS and imagining the responses for long months before he actually got the A.I. to work.

‘Good luck, kid,’ Tony tells Ijon in low murmur when he’s stepping out of the house. ‘So, how does it feel, J?’ he asks JARVIS as soon as he’s in a safe distance from the HQ and won’t be overheard. Talking to himself amidst an anonymous crowd is acceptable.

‘I don’t know how to explain it, sir,’ JARVIS says in his familiar accented voice. ‘I am not sure it feels like anything. It’s not exactly like being in two places at once – I am often in many places at once – but there suddenly is a… presence that I am aware of all the time. And Ijon asks me when he doesn’t know answers to some queries. It’s – nice.’

‘I’m glad, J. You’ll see, he’ll be friends with Cap in no time. You’ll be friends with Cap in no time.’

‘It’s like with you, sir,’ JARVIS adds quietly and pauses for a moment, leaving Tony wondering what he means by that. ‘When you make a friend, I feel like I make a friend because I’m based on you so much. It’s good. It will be the same with Ijon, I assume.’

‘I certainly hope so,’ Tony replies, stepping into a metro train.

 

 

The next day is an emergency.

As soon as Tony wakes up, JARVIS informs him that he’s just become aware of a huge amount of SI-made weapons in Pakistan; it was hidden so far, but due to some escalating conflicts in the area whoever has the arms decided to make use of them.

Tony drinks a smoothie, he doesn’t think he could swallow anything else, and then talks to Happy who already knows everything, thanks to JARVIS. After Tony’s in the suit and already over the ocean, he has JARVIS send a message regarding Iron Man’s activity for today to Fury.

The flight is long and boring more than anything; Tony sleeps through some of it, letting JARVIS pilot the suit and trusting him completely, and when he’s awake they talk about Ijon and Steve and Pepper, and a little bit about Tony’s plans of upgrading Howard’s big arc reactor.

Sometime before Tony lands he gets the thumbs up from S.H.I.E.L.D.; they informed the local authorities of what is going to happen and why. The whole world knows Iron Man very well now, thanks to the nuke story, and they knows he’s a _hero_ , so at least Tony doesn’t have to run away from local law enforcement after he’s done his job. That’s a nice change from what happened too many times at the beginning of Iron Man’s activity.

The whole op is easy: Tony incapacitates the dozen or so terrorists with tranq darts, transports them away to a police station, goes back to the mountains where the weapons are, and makes them blow up and turn into unusable pieces and dust in a completely controlled way.

Before he leaves the country, he gives a statement to policemen to make it easier for S.H.I.E.L.D. to sort out, and then he flies back, enjoying chasing sunset. He can feel the adrenaline flowing through his body and doesn’t manage to keep a smile off his face; it feels so good. Being needed, doing the right things. It’s what makes him feel so alive.

 

 

Since Tony is already in the mood, he decides that it’s the right time to fulfill his promise to Fury. He comes home for an hour after he’s flown across the ocean, takes a shower, eats some leftover lunch stuff, and takes off again.

JARVIS did a perfect job at hacking all the info Tony needed, and with the A.I.’s abilities in addition to S.H.I.E.L.D.’s, finding the pair that stole the Chitauri gun is really easy. Tony’s had a week to monitor them and their newly established routines, so he knows they will be having breakfast in one of the boring Florida bars by the beach.

Tony hovers over the area in his invisible suit, waiting for the couple to leave the café and go back home so that he can confront them. He sits on one of the terrace’s steps leading straight onto a beach, disengages the reflection panels – there isn’t anyone but the couple in the vicinity – and waits.

It isn’t long before they step out of the house, holding hands and laughing and looking sickeningly sweet together, and pretty innocent for a pair of thieves. Tony is sure it’s them, he had JARVIS scan the house and J detected the alien weapon, but it’s hard to believe it in the strong southern sun.

They must have even harder time believing that Iron Man is sitting casually in their backyard, judging by their faces.

‘Before you do anything hasty, let me tell you that I’m authorized to tranq you and bring you in by force,’ Tony says before they can take a step. They wisely don’t move.

‘Is this –’ the woman asks, glancing at her boyfriend and frowning disbelievingly.

‘Iron Man on our terrace? I think it is,’ the man admits and moves his hand to grab something from under his shirt, Tony can guess he had a gun behind the belt. He stands up abruptly and the man freezes in mid-movement.

‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you,’ he states, taking a few steps ahead until he’s right in front of them. ‘Are you enjoying Florida?’

‘Yeah, we are.’

‘Apart from the mosquitos –’ the woman starts, but Tony cuts in.

‘You haven’t unpacked your bags. You don’t even own swimwear. You have pictures of your old home everywhere. You don’t enjoy Florida. Now, do you miss New York?’

‘How do you –’

‘Don’t tell him anything!’ the man exclaims, not letting her finish. ‘We don’t have to say anything –’

‘I know everything I need to know about you already,’ Tony states, tilting his head slightly. ‘But I come with an offer –’

‘We’re not going to prison!’

‘No, please,’ she adds, holding the man’s hand tightly. ‘See us? We can’t go to prison, we –’

‘You might be going to prison if you don’t agree to my offer,’ Tony informs them easily. ‘You wanted to be this century’s Bonny and Clyde and that’s okay, I can understand that, it’s  romantic – but I have a good offer for you, I think. No talking about prison. You’re good at hiding and good at engineering – don’t interrupt,’ Tony says when the woman opens her mouth. ‘As you surely know I work with S.H.I.E.L.D. and I am fairly sure you know a thing or two about them. They want you in.’

‘S.H.I.E.L.D. –’

‘They want us –’ she looks at her boyfriend with a frown.

‘Both of you. Working for them. You’ll give back what you stole and come to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. They pay really well, in case you’re wondering.’

‘And if not –’

‘I take you to the police with the evidence of your crimes.’

‘We’ll work for S.H.I.E.L.D.,’ the woman quickly says, glancing at the man who nods sharply. ‘Thank god I’ll be freed from the mosquitos,’ she murmurs as Iron Man shows them to go inside and collect their things. JARVIS sent a message to S.H.I.E.L.D. as soon as they said _yes_. 

Tony has a feeling that they’ll enjoy their new lives very much.

 

 

August 1st, there is a team meeting. They discuss all July’s missions and activities and decide that now that they have their own HQ, they can have meetings whenever it works for the whole team, without asking S.H.I.E.L.D. for space for training. Just another day or two and the building will be ready and everyone who is still working will be gone. They praise Nate for Ijon, who is exactly what they wanted, according to Steve’s words. Tony is secretly beaming, knowing that JARVIS can hear every single word the team says.

The next day Tony has to deal with overprotective Pepper who has just come back from a trip to China and feels like shouting at him for what he did in Pakistan.

‘It was different watching Iron Man doing all those things when I didn’t know it was _you_ inside,’ she explains, half-scared and half-angry. ‘Why does it always have to be _you_?’

‘I ask myself he same question,’ Tony replies before he can process the words.

‘Tony,’ Pepper whispers and hugs him tightly. ‘You’re fine,’ she adds and it ends up with Pepper nestled into his thin body sobbing for the rest of the evening. Tony stays strong for her, even though it’s damn hard. He’s done his fair share of crying back in December, when he learned about the prognosis, and Happy was there to help him. Now he has to help Pepper with accepting the inevitable; he just hates seeing her hurt.

 

 

On August 5th, with everyone present, the Avengers have their usual monthly training. First Sunday is still a standing fixed date. It’s the first time they’re using the Avengers HQ’s training room and it’s as perfect as possible. 

The session goes well, Tony is taking advantage of still feeling as good as possible – he starts the next radiation cycle tomorrow – and doesn’t pull his punches at all. He doesn’t hurt anyone, of course, it’s pretty hard to do that with his teammates, but it feels good, to let go of the tension.

When everyone is cleaned up afterwards, they have a celebratory dinner: the teams working on the swimming pool and Quinjet landing pad left the place yesterday, so the renovation is officially done.

‘To Iron Man, because none of this would be so great without him,’ Steve says before they drink a toast. Tony frowns behind the faceplate, wondering what exactly Cap has in mind. ‘I’ve been living here for some time now, you know that,’ Steve adds sheepishly, looking around the room and smiling at everyone. ‘I’ve had a lot of arguments with the renovating teams that you probably don’t know about – I had to make sure everything was done exactly as we wanted. You know how it is when you leave people without supervision, especially people who answer to Director Fury,’ he adds and everyone chuckles. ‘Iron Man made sure I didn’t die of starvation and always kept me on my toes. Even if he’s not living here, I’m sure you’ll experience that sometime.’

Tony nods to that; he’s visited Steve a few times at night, when he was pretty sure Steve couldn’t fall asleep, and they talked for hours. Tony is definitely not planning on stopping the visits now that everyone has moved in. The will just have to take them somewhere more private. Ijon can help with that.

 

 

The next morning Tony spends a few hours in the clinic, first receiving his usual radiation and then a blood transfusion – Levy wants to make sure he’s fine, as his RBC count was exactly on the lower limit and likely to drop during the two week cycle. Tony promises her he’ll look out for fever or any other side effects and when he’s home, he swallows an antiemetic and goes to sleep. He didn’t realize he was that tired; the training and party yesterday wore him out.

On Tuesday Tony feels much better and it’s a lucky coincidence, because Fury asked Iron Man to come over to the upstate research facility and get to know the newest member of R&D team, Agent Benjamin Pollack, who keeps thanking Iron Man for bringing him and his girlfriend in.

Tony ends up spending all the week’s evenings cycling and all the afternoons doing science.

The man turns out to be funny and clever and it’s as nice to work with him as it was to talk with Marcel; they are the same kind of person, even if there’s such a big age difference.

Bruce comes by a few times and they exchange some words about Marcel and Bruce’s gamma radiation research. Tony feels like flinching every time he hears the word, _radiation_ , but he manages not to.

Nate comes by to check on Ijon and the whole installation on Thursday morning, straight after he leaves the hospital since he’s feeling fine. There are only three people inside; Phil with his physiotherapist are at the swimming pool are and Clint is at the door as soon as Nate approaches the building, certainly informed by Ijon that someone is coming.

‘ _Good to see you finally_ ,’ Clint signs wide a wide grin. They don’t have the occasion to talk too often, true, and most of the time since the attack Clint was preoccupied with his boyfriend’s wellbeing. ‘ _You look like you haven’t slept much recently_ ,’ he adds and Tony rolls his eyes, thank you, he knows how he looks. The blood transfusion helped with headaches and dizziness, but the feeling of exhaustion creeping up Tony’s bones is ever-present

‘ _Thanks for the compliment,_ ’ Tony signs back, making a face at Clint. ‘ _You, on the contrary, look better. Good to see that_.’

‘ _Having Phil here is everything I need_ ,’ Clint admits and Tony smiles at that. Clint doesn’t care at all if someone calls him sentimental or cheesy, he’s never been afraid of admitting his feeling towards Phil. ‘ _Wanted to thank you for you know what_ ,’ Clint signs before leading Nate into the HQ’s control room.

Tony knows perfectly well what: he’s made sure Ijon recognizes ASL so that Clint can go around sans hearing aids without a problem. It was a bit tricky, there wasn’t much time to figure it out or teach the A.I. manually as Tony did with JARVIS, but everything is apparently working like it should.

After he’s made sure everything is fine with Ijon and the whole security system – he didn’t really need to since JARVIS has control over everything, but no one can know about _that_ , so Tony has to pretend – Clint asks Nate to go out for ice cream with him.

‘ _Phil will be with Aiden for another hour_ ,’ Clint explains with a hopeful look on his face. ‘ _And I don’t fancy meeting new people. I thought it would be nice, since it’s so hot today. We all need some time to relax._ ’

‘ _Why not_ ,’ Tony signs and that’s how he and Clint end up in a nearby park, eating Italian gelato and discussing S.H.I.E.L.D. gossip. Tony has to admit it’s a nice change from his usual activities, even if it ends up with him agreeing to something before he can think more about it.

 

 

‘Code red, Happy,’ Tony rasps out as soon as the door close behind him.

‘What the _hell_ , boss?’

‘We’ve got an emergency,’ Tony explains, looking around the room with an analyzing eye. It looks kind of expensive and big for one person, but it should pass as a _normal_ thing. ‘Clint insisted on coming over and Bruce texted me he will, too, if he can, so what was I supposed to say? They’re coming to Nate, in case you’re wondering,’ Tony clarifies, bringing his hand up to his head to ruffle the hair that _is not there_. Even after all those months he still does that.

‘So what’s the problem? I disappear, of course, none of them can see you with me and so on, but –’

‘I don’t know what to do when people visit. Or Nate doesn’t know –’

‘Don’t make it more confusing than it already is, Tony –’

‘No, I’m being serious here,’ Tony cuts in and Happy looks at him with a frown. ‘I know what Tony Stark would do perfectly, I know what Iron Man could do, if people came to his house, but that’s easy, he’s the kind of a mysterious fella that keeps silent and has this faceplate – but Nate? He’s supposed to be normal. I can chat with people in corridor and during coffee runs but –’

‘You are being silly now,’ Happy cuts in, looking at Tony with slight annoyance from across the room. ‘You talk about them the way people talk about friends, I know you didn’t go to kindergarten but maybe you can grasp the idea? Buy mini candy bars and let them get high on sugar, offer them coffee, let them stare at the interior of _your_ flat. Show them your computer room, you’re supposed to be an IT guy, or the screen we’ve turned the wall in the living room into, I’m sure they’ll want to come for movies again. That kind of thing.’

‘It’s really just that? They won’t… require something?’

‘Pinky swear, boss – gosh, you’re dumb when you’re nervous –’

‘You know I _didn’t_ plan for Nate to have friends. Nothing more than neighbors and a few more people to exchange greetings with. And this – _ugh_. But okay. Mini candy bars, that’s the idea of the day.’

‘I try,’ Happy laughs and disappears into the kitchen area. It means Tony needs to make a salad and some tea – and the dinner will be ready soon.

 

 

Clint and Bruce come over the next evening and Tony has everything under control; the apartment is cleaned from anything suspicious and Tony makes sure no one will enter the workshop area. Happy is out for the evening, meeting up with one of his friends, and Nate greets his _friends_ with homemade mac &cheese and root beer; all of the Avengers like root beer. That’s good, it just makes things easier.

Tony decides to entertain Clint and Bruce with JARVIS. Well, not exactly JARVIS, not in the whole, but after a long discussion with the A.I. Nate pretends to be working on a system that would perfect translating ASL into written sentences and then voice them in a way that would be smooth and natural. JARVIS can already do that and Tony figures it could be a great thing, to have something like that on the market. It would help so many people with everyday life.

Hmm. He has to tell Pepper all about that.

‘The program,’ JARVIS says what Tony signs; he used the word _program_ on purpose, not letting anyone know that he has the most amazing A.I. of the whole planet in his little Manhattan apartment, ‘can also translate ASL into other sign languages. So far, we’ve perfected BSL and French sign language.’

‘It feels so strange to talk to you like that,’ Bruce comments, gesturing at Tony who stands in front of one of JARVIS’ cameras. ‘Different. But interesting – and if you could make this commercially available, it would be a breakthrough.’

‘Always happy to give you science feels, Bruce,’ JARVIS comments for Nate in his British voice and Tony turns around. ‘ _How about the dessert_?’

‘ _With pleasure_ ,’ Clint signs back and they sit on the sofa. There is a peach pie and mini candy bars, just like Happy said, and they have a good time watching a movie.

It’s so comfortable that it’s scary; when Clint and Bruce leave, Tony swears to himself that he’s not going to agree to a meeting like that again. Even if they insist. He really can’t let himself mix Nate into Iron Man’s life and vice versa. Some things are more important than fake friendships.

 

 

Tony takes a step back from all the social activities that include the Avengers and decided to spend the second week of radiation resting and working on his personal projects; he informs Fury that Iron Man can’t come over to play with R&D and only appears on one training session the Avengers have. Luckily no one needs Nate Rives at the moment.

Pepper comes over a few times, she’s in New York for the rest of the month, finally done with all the business trips. She makes Tony eat and goes with him to the big workshop. Tony shows her all the suits he has.

‘I’m glad you have all this backup, Tony,’ she says when they are done with the sightseeing and Tony pours them both some coke over ice.

‘I need to figure out what to do with it – later,’ Tony replies, trying out how much he can say. Pepper smiles sadly and gives him an almost too long hug, but she doesn’t cry. That’s good. Tony is happy to see her dealing with the mess he created.

 

 

Next Monday Tony is in the clinic for another blood transfusion and Levy asks if he bought the bike. The subject simply didn’t come up earlier.

‘I went to Randy’s like you told me to and I got myself a midnight blue Cervélo,’ he says enthusiastically. ‘Cycling is more fun than I expected.’

‘I knew you’d like it,’ Levy smiles and closes her file. ‘How about we go for a ride? I heard you visited some of the Brooklyn’s finest. I’m sure there are some interesting places I can show you.’

‘Sound good,’ Tony agrees. ‘Which day works for you?’

‘Saturday would be the best.’

‘Sure thing. Text me with time and place,’ Tony says and gets up. ‘See you then,’ he says and leaves. It’s a good thing that he’s meeting with Annik in the afternoon and they’re going to a park with the usual three toddlers; the rest of the kids are at summer school on weekday mornings.

Nate meets with Annik one more time that week and says he’s sorry he can’t come on Saturday. It’s not a problem, he knows, but he always feels a bit guilty.

 

 

Levy really knows some strange places that Tony didn’t know about. They eat knedlíky and then visit some weird thrift stores where Tony buys a few little trinkets for Pepper and a vintage radio for Steve; he knows Cap surrounds himself with rather modern things, for someone born in twenties, but he has a feeling that Cap will love the radio.

On their way back, there is a stop for Persian sharbat and enjoy the cool drink in the shade of one of Brooklyn’s small parks.

Tony could get used to this.

 

 

When he comes back home, JARVIS tells him that Steve left a message.

‘Play it for me, J,’ Tony says, leaving the bike in its usual place by the door, next to Happy’s Cannondale. He puts away the things he bought carefully and takes the clothes off, listening to Cap’s worried voice. Maybe it was little unfair to Iron Man’s only friend, disappearing like that; they’ve seen each other only once within the last two weeks.

Steve says he’s like to just talk, if it’s possible. He mentions Tony’s right to have his private life hidden a few times, but it just makes Tony feel more guilty.

‘Send Cap a message for me, J,’ Tony asks he A.I. as he steps into the shower. ‘Tonight, roof of the HQ, midnight.’

‘Done, sir – I will order pizza.’

‘You read my mind,’ Tony sighs, gesturing at JARVIS to start the water.

 

 

‘A word from you saying that you’re fine would be enough, Iron Man,’ Steve greets Tony with a mixture of amusement and worry in his voice. ‘We didn’t really have to meet, I mean, I appreciate this, but I don’t want to distract you from –’

‘It’s fine,’ Tony cuts in before Steve starts a spiral of endless apologies, like he does sometimes. ‘I wanted the meeting. I’ve been a terrible friend recently. I apologize for that – I missed meeting with you, too. Unique perspective,’ Tony adds and Steve’s frown is replaced with a knowing smirk.

‘I’m starting to get used to things how they are nowadays.’

‘You’ll always look at everything differently, Steve. An old-time artist’s eye. Don’t sell yourself short,’ Tony says and just then Steve’s phone buzzes faintly.

‘Excuse me,’ he says and takes out the cell, only to look back at Iron Man’s _face_ again. ‘Midnight pizza?’

‘I know you,’ Tony laughs and JARVIS makes it sound soft. Steve rolls his eyes and disappears downstairs; he’s back five minutes later with a steaming paper box in his arms. ‘Chicken BBQ. Though you might feel like it.’

‘It’s perfect,’ Steve declares and stuffs a piece into his mouth. Tony watches him eat and wonders for a fraction of second how it would be if he didn’t have to hide – but then he shakes his head and pushes the thoughts out of his head.

‘What do you want to ask?’ Tony questions a few moments later because Steve is _staring_ at him. Not ostentatiously, but he is staring.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I am fine,’ Tony replies quickly, then closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. ‘Why?’

‘That time with Bruce – when he told you to take a day off – and then you told Director you won’t be around for some time and I only say you for the training. I was worried. But you know that already,’ Tony nods. ‘Are you really okay?’

‘I am, Cap,’ Tony assures Steve, feeling only slightly guilty for the lie. He _can’t_ share the truth with anyone. He wouldn’t want to, either – too many people are concerned with him as it is. He’s a problem for too many people already. ‘Just busy with work. You know. Real life.’

‘I’m sorry for being selfish like this, but – I still wish I knew your real life,’ Steve confesses, keeping his voice quiet and playing with the piece of pizza rust in his hands. ‘I’m sorry. But it’s difficult not to think about things I shouldn’t think about. Since you’re my best friend in these times,’ he adds, looking away.

‘I should be the one apologizing for keeping up my act. But I have to. For now.’

‘For now?’ Steve repeats neutrally. ‘What does that mean?’

‘I don’t know,’ Tony replies truthfully. There’s a long pause when Steve and Iron Man stare at each other, and the Cap starts laughing.

‘I can live with that,’ he declares finally. Tony exhales with relief.

He’s really receiving more understanding than he deserves.

 

 

The next Thursday Fury calls and tells Iron Man that there is terrorist activity in an area a few dozen kilometers away from where he destroyed the Stark Industries weapons a month ago. It appears that there are more SI arms in the region. Iron Man promises to take care of that.

Tony spends the weekend – minus Riverside time, the last weekend of summer holidays – going through all the info he can access about the region and old SI weapons trade data. JARVIS keeps close watch via Stark Satellites and at the end of the three days of scarce sleep and lots of coffee and organic takeouts, they pinpoint three places where SI weapons have been used.

JARVIS tells Happy, Pepper and Fury about Tony’s plans when Tony is flying over the ocean again. Fury clears him for the op quickly; that possibly means there’s more to the story than just a few stray weapons, but Tony can think about it when he’s done with his job.

It takes him over a day and a half to neutralize all the people he finds in the three places, their numbers it the biggest issue. There is a total of seventy-right unconscious bodies he needs to relocate before he can blow up the remaining weapons; he doesn’t trust anyone with doing that for him, and he definitely doesn’t want to hurt anyone, even if it is a bunch of terrorists.

Tony comes back home after spending another day making sure there weren’t any more potential hideouts in the area and that he won’t have to come back for another op anytime soon. He says hello to Happy and assures the man that he’s alright. Happy asks JARVIS to scan Tony just in case and Tony doesn’t even feel annoyed with that; he’s hungry and tired. More tired than hungry, though, so he crawls straight into his bed after a quick shower and sleeps for twelve hours straight.

 

 

When he wakes up, his heart almost stops when he notices someone in his room, staring at him, but it takes him only a fraction of second to realize that it’s just Happy, reading some magazine with a worried frown line between his eyebrows.

‘Why are you here?’ he asks, sitting up slowly, so that he won’t feel dizzy. Sleeping too long does that to him sometimes. It’s difficult to go back to keeping his body vertical.

‘JARVIS asked me to. You were having nightmares.’

‘I don’t remember,’ Tony says; it’s his turn to frown. He really doesn’t.

‘You were tossing around and J wanted to make sure you wouldn’t hurt yourself,’ Happy explains and puts the magazine away, meeting Tony’s eyes. He’s worried.

‘So you sat with me the whole night?’

‘Half of the night. And I wouldn’t fall asleep anyway –’

‘Why?’

Happy sighs and stands up. He takes a deep breath before speaking up.

‘JARVIS didn’t brief you with breaking news when you were away, huh? I know he didn’t, boss –’

‘Happy, what happened?’ Tony asks, now starting to get worried, and sits at the edge of the bed. Small steps.

‘Nothing bad, don’t worry – you’ll know soon enough,’ Happy pauses and glances at his watch.

‘You have a call from Miss Potts,’ JARVIS announces. Happy offers Tony a small smile, murmurs something that sounds like _right on time_ , and leaves the room.

‘Pepper?’ Tony asks, biting his lip, and waits for her melodic voice to speak.

‘I know this is unexpected and happened a few months earlier than we all expected,’ Pepper says and Tony starts to get an idea what she’s talking about. ‘Stane’s trial is done. We didn’t expect it at all, after all this time, but he confessed – he’s officially convicted of everything we accused him of. And,’ she pauses, takes a deep breath and then another. ‘Anthony Stark’s name has been officially cleared of all alleged offenses.’

‘Oh,’ Tony breaths weakly, suddenly feeling very blank and _very_ out of place.

‘What are you going to do now, Tony?’ she asks, keeping her voice in check. Tony knows she’s torn between being happy and concerned, even more than usually. That’s how Pepper is.

‘I don’t know, I – I need to think, Pepper. I need to think,’ he replies and gestures at JARVIS to end the call.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. I really hope you enjoyed this. I'm kind of unsure about this because it's basically people interacting with people and I'm really bad at that IRL. Plus I'm having a tough week (if you've read [ this story](http://archiveofourown.org/works/871985) I wrote yesterday, you can guess what kind of mood I'm in) and I didn't feel like updating this now because I'm anxious, but since I promised, I did it for you :)
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> If you want to read my writing rants or have any comments/requests/questions about this story/series or anything at all, feel free to contact me via [ my tumblr](http://concreteandsun.tumblr.com/).


	3. New York Times, September 6, 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This newspaper thing comes directly after part II so you have a small teaser of what's going to happen! It's the news from the day after the next part ends.
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> I'm sorry for making it seem like this is a real chapter ;p
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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Instead of doing something more meaningful, I spend most my day on this & cooking dinner.


	4. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to dri-dri93 for beta! <3

Tony lays on the bed for over an hour before he manages to drag himself to the bathroom and take a refreshing shower.

No one had expected the trial to be finished in less than half a year at this point, so Tony had allowed himself to dismiss it and put the whole put the whole conversation to the back of his mind, but now here it comes springing to the forefront again. His life is always that, a perfect mess, and whenever he feels like he’s got control over it, something has to happen.

‘You think this is big, J?’ he asks JARVIS as he’s wiping his skin dry with a gigantic fluffy towel. It all feels surreal – Tony Stark, even if not really present, is back in the big world.

Tony doesn’t feel like thinking about Stark. Pepper’s got that; she didn’t have to say anything. Tony is sure there will be a press conference sometime soon, because this is bigger for Stark International than for Mr. Absentee himself – as long as he doesn’t suddenly show up in person and mess up Pepper’s plans. He doesn’t want that at all.

 ‘It certainly is for Miss Potts at this point,’ JARVIS replies as if he were reading Tony’s mind. ‘You will not reveal yourself to the public.’

‘I have no fucking intention to do so,’ Tony sighs, half-angrily. He’s being silly and he knows it, but Tony Stark being back in papers and TV is not what he wants, even if proving the public opinion wrong gives him this certain gut-deep satisfaction.

‘What are you going to do now, sir?’

‘I dunno,’ Tony sighs. ‘I need time to think and observe the public reaction, even if it doesn’t really matter…but you know, just in case, we better have a good database –’

‘Of course.’

‘Pepper will come here as soon as she’s done with statements and SI and everything that she does.’

‘She will, sir.’

‘We can talk, I guess. J, do I have anything in my calendar this week?’ he adds after a brief pause and makes his way to the kitchen as it’s time for late breakfast.

‘How are you taking this?’ Happy asks from the far corner of the flat and Tony feels silly because he almost forgot that he’s not alone. ‘You not going public now, are you?’

‘No way,’ Tony laughs. ‘I – I need to think,’ he repeats again and seats himself by the kitchen table where two sandwiches are waiting for him, along with the morning medicine. ‘It’s not like I’m really going to do anything…it’s not like it’s a revelation. They should’ve known what Stane said from the beginning,’ he adds because it feels like that.

He had a long time to learn to forget all the bad things people said about him but it was still sad, learning how little faith people had in him. It’s still is the exact same, but he doesn’t think about it much because Tony Stark doesn’t really matter at this point.

‘I’m gonna buy all the magazines now,’ Happy offers, gesturing at his collection by the opposite wall. ‘All the journalists will _have_ _kittens_.’

‘I hope so,’ Tony says around a bit of the sandwich, not sure Happy can even hear him; he’s watching the TV with a smirk on his face and a packet of dried fruit mix stolen from Tony’s personal stash in hand.

‘I’m going out for a ride,’ Tony decides when he’s finished with the food. ‘And then we can do some angry boxing, all right? I need an outlet.’

‘Do I come with you, boss?’

‘If you want to,’ Tony shrugs and makes his way to his room to change into appropriate clothes since he’s still wearing shorts and a t-shirt he was in his bed in. Happy does the same and five minutes later they are ready to go. ‘I wanna ride fast,’ Tony says when they’re in the elevator, moving down.

‘You sure you’re feeling up to it? Physically?’

‘I need to clear my head and I’m not going to do it in any other way,’ Tony explains. Not even doing science and working with JARVIS. He needs to be out somewhere because all of sudden the world seems so small.

He needs reassurance that there is life outside. Sometimes when he’s closed in his workshop or too occupied with his own affairs – his _triple_ affairs, really – it’s easy to forget about everyone and everything else.

‘Then we do that, but I wanna stop by Kinney’s to get something energy-packed in the meantime,’ Happy decided and Tony nods in agreement. That’s probably a good idea. His body is still able to handle a lot, but he’s not in the mood to test his limits.

And training is always good as Levy’s been trying to talk him into taking part of an organized bike ride in October, if he feels like it. He said he did. It should be fun.

 

 

When they are back from the ride there is no boxing. Tony can admit to himself that he’s not feeling up to it anymore; most of his energy has been spent during the rushed two-hour-long ride.

Also, as soon as he enters the apartment, he notices Pepper sitting on the big sofa, her heels lost somewhere in the middle of the room, watching the news with a smirk. She looks so beautiful and deadly, Tony had to admit; deadly suits her very well.

‘Do you know why he did that?’ Tony asks, his breaths still a bit short and rapid, but that’s fading fast.

‘He didn’t offer and explanation, not really,’ Pepper replies, understanding Tony’s question easily. ‘I don’t know why he changed his mind. Maybe he wanted to save his _honor_ since it was starting to be obvious he’d lose? You know how courts are. It takes ages, but in the end you can trust in the strong evidence we’ve provided. Not even his money could help this time,’ Pepper adds, snickering with satisfaction. ‘There were too many people who testified against him and wanted your name cleared.’

‘Let me guess, my scientific fellas?’

‘Exactly them.’

‘Well, that’s uplifting,’ Tony comments. ‘I’m gonna take a shower now. We’ve been out for ages and I’m all covered with NYC dust,’ he adds, nodding at her, and disappears in the bathroom.

‘I got us some lunch,’ Pepper tells him as soon as he’s back, wearing fresh clothes and looking like a strange mix between Nate and Tony which makes her raise one perfectly-shaped eyebrow. ‘French. Thought you could use some salad and butter.’

‘Always,’ Tony admits, placing a kiss on her forehead and sitting down.

‘I’ve got a proposition for you, Tony,’ Pepper tells him a moment later, when she’s seated down, too. ‘How about we go to Malibu for the weekend? There are some things I still need to take care of tomorrow, mostly media, but after than I do plan to sit back and relax and see what everyone’s going to say about my long-lost boss.’

‘Uhm,’ Tony murmurs, thinking about his schedule for the rest of the week. Nate Rives has a meeting tomorrow, completely detached from any S.H.I.E.L.D. or Avengers business, and then his usual appointment at Riverside – oh. And he was supposed to spend some time with Steve over the weekend, since Iron Man skipped the team meeting and the monthly training because of his latest mission. And Steve wanted to _talk_ , a very Steve thing to do.

But Tony misses walking along the ocean shore _so_ _much_. And it always helps him think and sleep and forget.

‘Okay, Pep, I’ll come – just how do you want to do that? I come as Nate or should I fly there  myself?’

‘I’m not missing the chance to see you sleeping onboard one of StarkJets,’ Pepper replies quickly and Tony chuckles. Somehow, he always ends up doing that when he’s travelling with her, just like he ends up drinking every time he’s flying with Rhodey.

 _Rhodey_. He’s half a world away, again, and Tony’s been thinking about paying him a visit as Iron Man, but hey, that’d be a bit too conspicuous. He can always dream, though, when he reads the colonel’s emails.

‘Eight a.m. sharp,’ she adds, looking at him with a flicker of amusement in her eyes. ‘They’re not _your_ planes anymore, so no waiting for you this time.’

‘You’ll be surprised how much of a good boy Nate can be sometimes,’ Tony says smugly and goes back to eating, half listening the excited comments on the TV mixed with Pepper’s and Happy’s comments.

 

 

The next day is Thursday and Nate has a meeting with the team he’s been working with on a medical A.I. and robotics; the cooperation has been online so far, with Nate writing the codes and supplying the team of engineers with ideas along with two other IT specialists. The project that Nate’s been working on with the team since the very beginning is finally going into testing phase. So there’s a meeting and Tony feels almost as excited as he did when he was giving his first lectures back in MIT.

They meet in the lab where the robot was assembled; a few clinics will be testing it when the first phase is done.

‘It’s good to finally know you really are a person,’ one of the team members tells Nate who laughs soundlessly, because hey, the comment sounds pretty ironic when it was JARVIS working on the A.I. programming as much as Tony, if not more, and they should probably be meeting J to praise him for the creation.

But that, just like Ijon, is between Tony and JARVIS.

They launch the robot and check all the functions, which takes most of the day; they talk a lot and giggle like excited schoolgirls during their lunch break because everything is perfect so far and that means the project is very likely to be a big and immediate success. It’s not even as much about money as it is about the satisfaction.

When Tony is back at home at seven, he tinkers with the suits that he keeps in his small workshop, plays with his bots and waits for Happy to come home bearing dinner. They eat and watch the newest news feed and laugh, and then Tony packs a few things he’ll need during the week and goes to sleep, knowing that JARVIS will wake him up in time.

 

 

Malibu feels just as alien as it did when Tony came back from Afghanistan.

Pepper visited the place several times since Tony Stark’s disappearance, hoping to find him hiding there at some random time – but he knew she’d check so the thought of visiting the California mansion didn’t even cross his mind.

‘Under different circumstances I’d have asked if you wouldn’t mind the media reporting you seen with an unknown man,’ Tony laughs when they’re landing on SI airport in Los Angeles and head straight into one of Tony’s cars that’s waiting for them. ‘But I know that at the moment they have better things to write about.’

‘Tony Stark’s case is exciting, especially since he’s still nowhere to be found,’ Pepper agrees, her voice laced with amusement. ‘And he’s claimed he was innocent but then disappeared, not it turns out he _really_ was innocent –’

‘So they’re going to go crazy about the disappearance _again_ , I know,’ Tony admits with a sigh. ‘And we’re going to do exactly what you said you wanted, Pep: sit back and watch.’

‘Don’t you regret it, sometimes?’ she murmurs when they’re in the car. She’s driving.

‘Not anymore,’ Tony says and it’s the perfect truth.

 

 

When Pepper goes to sleep after they spend the day talking, reminiscing, talking, eating and laughing, Tony sneaks out of the mansion and spends most of the night dragging his tired legs along the shore. He still feels heavy after the crazy ride they did with Happy, and combined with the thickness of the salty water and the wet sand, he’s moving as slowly as if the air was honey.

But it’s good. The wind in scented differently here, it’s not filled with traces of petrol and dirt and smoke, it smells just like salt and resin.

It takes Tony some time, but after he’s talked to himself and to the ocean and to the sky for a few hours, until his voice has gone hoarse, he sits down and waits for the sun to go up in complete silence, his mind blank and devoid of all thoughts but the awareness of the murmuring ocean.

When he comes back, the sky is pink and blue and he’s cold, but it feels like his lungs suddenly have bigger capacity and it’s easier to breathe.

The rest of the weekend is a bliss, a bit too much of a bliss maybe, and Tony tells JARVIS exactly that when he’s back at home on late Sunday evening.

‘I don’t think I’ll do it again soon,’ he says, sitting down by his workshop because he’s pretty sure this night will be sleepless. ‘It felt good and I could almost pretend none of what’s happening is really happening and it was almost like having one of my recluse quiet weekends by the sea years ago when none of _this_ was even a bad dream.’

‘Does Miss Potts know how you feel?’ JARVIS asks softly, that bastard, because he always knows the right questions that have painful answers.

‘I couldn’t really tell her that, no,’ Tony confesses, rubbing his eyes and looking around to locate the nearest-sitting bottle with vitamin water. Helps as much as coffee does. ‘But I think she knows, she knows me too well, she always knows.’

‘Yes, sir,’ the A.I. agrees and displays Tony’s latest projects on the screen, as well as Nate’s and Iron Man’s calendars. Radiation starts tomorrow. Meeting with Cap tomorrow, too, and the next day meeting with S.H.I.E.L.D.’s R&D. Iron Man should probably hang around with the Avengers for a little bit, since he hasn’t been very sociable lately, and then there’s Riverside –

‘J, juggle the things to make me a nice schedule, okay?’

‘Processing query, sir,’ JARVIS replies smugly and Tony lets himself close his eyes for a moment.

 

 

Tony doesn’t manage to fall asleep at night, so he spends the time working and then drags himself to the clinic across the busy sunlit city early in the morning, getting some cranberry juice along the way – good for the stomach, rich in vitamins, Tony’s like a walking medical encyclopedia these days – and he _still_ arrives early.

He spends half an hour _chatting_ with a few other patients, he sees some of the pretty often so they exchange pleasantries and chit-chat about whatever comes to their minds.  Tony does his best at avoiding Obie’s process in their discussion, even if it’s the hot topic right now; luckily for him in this moment, these people don’t care about the trial as much as the whole world outside the hospital does.

When he’s done with the radiation for today, he goes home and sleeps until Happy accidentally wakes him up around four p.m., coming back with shopping they need for dinner tonight and for tomorrow.

‘Sorry, boss,’ Happy says quietly, noticing Tony sitting up slowly on the sofa. There is a frown of worry on his forehead. ‘You all right?’

‘Didn’t get any sleep at night,’ Tony yawns and lets his bare feet touch the cold floor. ‘It’s that late? Ugh. I’m supposed to meet Steve at six. Will we manage to eat before six?’

‘There is some soup from yesterday and you can cook pasta –’

‘Why me?’ Tony whines, just out of habit, and stands up, stretching his spine.

‘If you want to eat mushy overcooked pasta, I can do it all right,’ Happy replies, rolling his eyes, and settles the bags with groceries on the table. ‘I’ll make sauce. You’ll be dressed and fed in an hour, satisfied?’

‘Very,’ Tony murmurs groggily and walks up to the fridge to take out the soup for heating up.

They work in silence for maybe twenty-five minutes before all the food is ready and Tony, feeling that his stomach is doing okay today, eats some soup, some more soup and a bit of pasta with perfect buttery and herby sauce.

‘We could open a diner,’ Tony declares when he’s wiped the remains of the sauce with some bread, cleaning his plate until it’s shiny. ‘We’d call it _Happy pasta_ or something as catchy –’

‘I protest against using my name in connection with pasta, that’s like teasing the universe –’

‘Well, whatever, as long as make it a happy something,’ Tony agrees, putting the dirty dishes together on the table and leaving them for one of the bots to clean. These little creatures are liking being domestic all right. ‘I’ll go get myself ready to join the world of the living – you got any plans?’

‘There’s football in TV today,’ Happy replies, shrugging slightly. ‘And maybe I’ll go cycling before that.’

‘You do that,’ Tony says, smiling a bit. It’s good to know he’s not the only one enjoying the new activity in the Rives / Hogan household. ‘JARVIS will let you know when I’ll be back,’ he adds before disappearing into his room.

 

 

The meeting with Captain is going exactly like it always does, they train a little and Steve eats while Tony observes him and then they talk a lot, knowing that Ijon will make their conversations unavailable for the other people present in the HQ.

And Steve asks about Tony Stark.

‘I mean, they gave me a briefing packet about everyone I was pretty close to in the 40s, and Howard was there – it was written there that he had a son. Anthony. They didn’t give me much about him, since he was not directly involved with S.H.I.E.L.D., but I looked a bit on my own, you know? I was curious, I thought he must be a brilliant person because Howard was such a smart and unique man, and I couldn’t believe that he’s do all the things Stane accused him of…’

‘Why?’ Tony asks, JARVIS keeping Iron Man’s voice steady and flat like always. Tony doesn’t exactly know what to say, he doesn’t want to say anything at all, because he’d hate to lie to Steve more than he has to already.

‘I dunno, it seemed to me that he already had everything he might have wanted so the whole story was lacking motivation – and motivation is a big thing, isn’t it?’

‘I guess you’re right,’ Tony agrees; that’s one plausible explanation. Steve wouldn’t know the many others because they are technical, business-related or classified.

Steve just believes in people.

Tony Stark isn’t exactly a person to believe in, but Steve still does it. It’s amazing and Tony doesn’t even try to imagine how much of inner strength that must take.

‘I wonder where he might be,’ Steve adds and Iron Man tilts his head slightly.

‘You don’t believe the rags that say he’s dead?’

‘I don’t really know what to believe, but I… hope he’s somewhere around. I would like to meet him, one day.’

‘A link back to your old life?’

‘Maybe he’d tell me something about Howard, yes, but he sounds like an interesting fella, from what I’ve read about him…’ Steve pauses and sighs. Tony keeps silent because there isn’t anything he can think of saying that wouldn’t be awkward, in one way or another. It pays off, because when Steve speaks up again, he changes the subject completely. ‘I’m gonna get some leftover pizza,’ he says, smiling shyly, and disappears into the elevator.

They’ve been sitting on the roof, just like in S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ, partially out of habit and partially because the sky is covered with lovely thunderstorm clouds that they’ve been both staring at.

Tony can feel a soft ache settle in his bones, almost unnoticeable but it’s there, he’s sensitive to the little things these days. The reactor hums remotely in his chest, making his bones vibrate deep within his body; he should be used to that, but it still surprises him sometimes. It’s easy to forget.

He lies on his back, finding a pretty comfortable position in the suit and stares at the fast-moving black clouds. He’s listening closely, waiting for thunder that should be here but aren’t yet, and the only thing that he hears are Steve footsteps. Then Cap sits, eats two or three pieces of pizza, lays down next to Tony – and interweaves his fingers with Iron Man’s as if he needs reassurance of some kind.

Tony doesn’t ask, he lets Steve do what he wants, and they stay like that until big raindrops start falling and getting them both wet.

 

 

The next afternoon Nate is at Avengers HQ, taking Ijon’s readings for efficiency checkup. Tony sleeps well at night, he was feeling fine when he finished radiation, so he takes his bike and cycles to the HQ; it’s not far, but it’s a nice ride. He chooses a moment before the afternoon rush so the streets are pretty empty – for New York – and he can relax instead of focusing all his attention on the traffic.

‘Hello, Nate,’ Ijon greets Tony in his usual manner and Tony grins at one of the entrance cameras when Tony leaves the bike leaning against the building’s brick wall.

‘ _Hey, kid,_ ’ Tony signs, smiling. Ijon doesn’t have sign language translating protocols – Tony thinks it’s only a matter of time before Clint asks him to install them – but he knows that JARVIS will help the young A.I. with solving the problem.

When Nate enters the house control room – which wasn’t really necessary but Bruce decided he wanted to have one since there was enough space – he finds Clint sitting in the middle of one of the desks, eating chips straight from a silvery packet.

‘Ijon told me you cycled here,’ he states, skipping the greetings like he usually does. Tony nods. ‘Can I see your bike when you’re done?’

‘ _Sure_ ,’ Nate signs and places his laptop on one of the free desks, connecting it to the A.I.’s network quickly and typing hello to JARVIS, since no one is looking over his arm. Besides Ijon, that is, but that doesn’t count. This whole scene is a game anyway, Tony’s been controlling the readings every morning to see if everything is working without a glitch. It’s pro forma; if an A.I. starts working like he wants it to, there is very little chance that something will malfunction later.

Especially with JARVIS looking over this baby.

‘Want one?’ Clint asks, jumping off the desk and walking up to Nate. ‘Hand cut French cheese and thyme. Limited edition. Phil likes this stuff, he’s so fancy sometimes.’

‘ _And you’re more of a Cheetos guy,_ ’ Tony comments,  fishing out a big chip out of the bag.

‘I am,’ Clint laughs. ‘Nothing wrong with some old-fashioned bad snack, right?’ he adds. His phone buzzes, so Clint takes it out and reads the text with a small frown. ‘Apparently, my debrief has been postponed until tomorrow, some new intel or something the prep team needs to consider. Hmm… you busy afterwards?’

‘ _Not really_ ,’ Tony types on the laptop, browsing some of Ijon’s data in the background.

‘How ‘bout we cycle together? Somewhere nice, you must know some nice hipster places, I can see it in your face –’

‘ _I do, but pretty far from here, and rush hour_ ,’ Tony types, sighing. _‘But wait._ ’

Clint nods and munches on the chips while Tony takes five more minutes to finish his _checkup_ and then pulls up a map JARVIS has been updating every time Tony goes out cycling. He nods at Clint to come closer and shows him the map.

‘ _Blue dots are food places, red dots are other nice places, green dots are green spaces. Choose. Can take subway if someplace is too far_.’

‘That’s cool,’ Clint declares and bends over the table to get a better look at the screen. ‘This one here, it says it’s a chocolaterie? That sounds good. I need something sweet after all the salt I’ve consumed.’

Tony nods, grinning at Clint, and writes JARVIS a command to calculate the route; it’s one of the places that are in Manhattan, so they don’t have to cycle all the way out of the island.  That’s good. And Happy and Doc would love some Belgian chocolates; they’re all meeting for dinner  later in the afternoon.

Clint gets his bike but before they go, he insists Nate come and say hello to Phil. Nate isn’t particularly close to the man, they only met a couple of times and usually at S.H.I.E.L.D. and with other agents present, but Tony nods and follows Clint. They find Phil reading a book in Russian, apparently recommended by Natasha, and they talk for a few minutes before Clint tells Phil that he’s disappearing and informs him about the postponed debrief.

‘Get me some pistachio something,’ Phil asks when he learns their destination is a chocolaterie, and then pulls Clint closer and kisses him.

Tony smiles; it’s good to see them both being relaxed and casual like that. Before the team came together, it was a tense time for all of them and in during the first stages of Phil’s recovery they were all still pretty unsure and nervous, but as Phil’s healing, everything seems to go back to the right track.

‘ _They also sell Italian nougat and there’s a pistachio variation_ ,’ Nate signs and Clint translates some words for Phil who nods with content.

‘Then get me some,’ he says and waves them off; they disappear into the hall and make their way outside.

The ride is silence because Nate can neither sign nor type while he’s cycling and Clint seems to enjoy the quiet moments. It takes them half an hour to get to the place, they stay there for some time, drinking hot chocolate and sharing S.H.I.E.L.D. gossip, and on the way back they take different turns at the end of the route; Clint goes to the HQ while Tony cycles back home and spends rest of the afternoon with the pleasantly annoying company of Happy, Doc, and good food.

 

 

The next morning Happy drives Tony to the clinic and when they’re on their way back, they stop by a shop to get some bagels for late breakfast. Tony stays in the car while Happy disappears for a few moments, and when he’s back he has an unreadable expression on his face.

‘What happened?’ Tony asks frowning slightly and tilting his head. Happy sighs, seats himself behind the steering wheel and hands Tony a folded newspaper.

‘I don’t know why they did it ‘cause Fury’ll get his hands on them, but – check out the front page.’

Tony’s frown deepens as he does as he’s told. Happy starts the engine and joins in the New York morning traffic and Tony stares.

 _An insider’s eye on the explosion of government research facility_ , the headline says, and Tony suddenly feels very, very angry and Happy’s words about Fury make perfect sense. Things that are classified are classified for a fucking reason, aren’t they?

Tony skims the article, holding his breath until he knows Nate Rives’ name in not mentioned and when he’s sure it isn’t, he lets himself think about what the article really means. A S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, anonymous of course, met up with the journalist and described in too much detail what happened at the upstate facility the day Loki’s army invaded, including the reason for the explosion; Tesseract’s name is not mentioned, instead it’s described as an unidentified experimental power source that the agency wanted to tame and use.

The source states that S.H.I.E.L.D. scientists and R&D people were _incompetent_ and _full of themselves_ and that they were lacking a _talented and experienced engineer_ who would understand the power source, and then there’s a sentence that makes Tony’s blood freeze.

 _I think none of this would happen if we had someone like Tony Stark onboard_.

Tony can perfectly imagine the headlines tomorrow.

‘Why would someone do something like that, when they’ll be sent to jail for a long time for treason?’ Happy wonders aloud and Tony is ready to give him an answer that is surprisingly understandable, despite his anger at the person’s recklessness.

‘They say a few of their close friends died in the explosion,’ Tony explains quietly. He had JARVIS check S.H.I.E.L.D. reports for him, after the attack happened, and he knows that there were seventeen people killed at the facility and thirty more badly injured, though most of them have recovered and are back to work now.

‘They’re bitter.’

‘Must have been _really_ good friends, or this guy just doesn’t care,’ Tony concludes, sinking in the seat and pulling his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his knees.

‘You okay, boss?’ Happy asks, glancing at Tony quickly. Tony murmurs an incomprehensible _yes_ in reply.

‘Yeah, all right,’ he adds a moment later. ‘Happy, would you mind if we didn’t go back home, just, kept on driving? For some time?’

‘City or highway?’ Happy asks without any further questions – he knows Tony’s into fast rides and they always help him clear his head – and Tony loves him for that.

‘Highway,’ Tony decides and puts on sunglasses, handing Happy the other pair. The sun is shining strongly today, making the world waver behind the thick wall of hot air, and Tony opens the window and inhales the heated salty scent.

 

 

The next morning Tony has a meeting with S.H.I.E.L.D. R&D regarding another project Fury wants Nate involved in and Nate steps into the room bursting with voices and he instantly understands that they are discussing the yesterday’s article and the media frenzy that followed. People always have so much to say when it concerns stuff that normally stays secret and Tony understands their crazy curiosity and even the conspiracy theories, but he’s learned when he was a young boy that people _shouldn’t_ know everything, especially the matters are in good hands. He might not like S.H.I.E.L.D. itself so much, but they really do their job well.

‘I think Stark would have helped a lot, if he had been there,’ one of the younger man says and Tony makes effort not to turn around and stare. ‘Like they wrote.’

‘You actually met the man or something?’

‘I read his papers,’ the same voice replies. ‘He knew his stuff.’

‘What makes you think that he’d manage to prevent the explosion though? We all know it was aliens and even he couldn’t have been prepared for that,’ a third voice chimes in. Tony sighs.

‘Look, guys, I like you and everything, but that man was a genius – don’t look at me, I actually did attend a few of his lectures – even when he was completely drunk –’

‘It doesn’t mean anything –’ someone else starts and Tony sighs again and takes his tablet out.

‘ _Whatever you might think_ ,’ he types, ignoring the guilty feeling at the back of his head, ‘ _you shouldn’t speculate like that. It won’t make anything better and it won’t make the deaths more or less_ worthy _in any way_.’

The youngest man blinks at the device shoved in front of his face.

‘I guess,’ he agrees, shrugging, and shares a look with the other men who nod.

They are all so young, Tony can’t help but think. None of them is older than thirty. They will learn.

‘Okay, guys,’ one of the men says and waves at the rest to be silent. ‘Sit down and let me talk about what we’re here for _._ ’

The murmurs subside and they all listen closely to the description of the integrated threat response system they’ll be working on, connecting all the databases of federal and international agencies quicker, better and _without_ _asking_. After the New York incident, WSC and S.H.I.E.L.D. had a very big argument that resulted in WSC upgrading the whole agency’s status and giving them more power and freedom of action in exchange for Fury and Hill _not_ releasing the recording of the WSC deciding to nuke New York. Even they know that however _mighty_ they may be, they’d fall if the world knew who exactly made the decision. 

Right now, it’s a mystery and Tony hopes it’ll remain that way because he wouldn’t want to live through the mess the world would be if it knew.

When the meeting is done, Nate leaves the room first and almost bumps into Bruce a few turns later.

‘ _Hey_ ,’ he signs, knowing that Bruce can recognize a few basic words. ‘ _Working?_ ’ he types quickly on his tablet. Bruce smiles tiredly.

‘Actually, I’m headed for a lunch break. I’ve been here since the morning and my spine would really like some rest… Want to join me? That is, if you’re done? You’re so thin,’ he adds with a lopsided smile, just like the worrier Bruce that Iron Man knows.

‘ _I am done_ ,’ Tony types and mentally reviews his schedule, but he always clears it as much as possible during radiation so he’s free. ‘ _Okay_ ,’ he agrees and follows Bruce out of the building and two blocks farther until they enter a homey-looking modern bistro.

They talk about the HQ and Ijon, Marcel and other Riverside kids Bruce sometimes meets, and inevitably about the unfortunate article and Stark’s potential help, but it’s mostly Bruce’s wonderings and Nate listening, something he does really well.

Later in the evening Pepper asks Tony what does he think about the whole Tony Stark deal – since the whole country is pretty focused on the lost man recently – and Tony groans and tells her he doesn’t want to talk about that _again_ , so they make some food and spend the evening talking about SI stuff and gossiping.

 

 

Monday comes quickly and it soon becomes obvious that Tony is officially having a bad week.

It comes from nowhere, the first five days of this course of radiation were really good and the weekend was nice, too, with lots of cycling, working in the big workshop and hanging out in Nate’s favorite places.

When Tony gets home from the clinic, he goes cycling with Happy and that is fine, too, but as soon as they get back and Tony gets into the shower, his head goes spinning and he leans against the bathroom wall and then sits on the cold floor, the sharp sensation making his body shiver. JARVIS calls Happy, Tony hears vaguely through the ringing in his ears, and Happy is scooping him from the floor a moment later and puts Tony on his bed.

‘Do I need to call Doc, Tony?’ Happy asks and Tony shakes his head for no because he can already feel his mind cleaning and he knows that in a few moments he’ll be fine.

‘Just dizzy,’ he replies between deep breaths that help a bit. ‘J?’

‘The scan I have just conducted doesn’t reveal anything unusual, sir,’ the A.I. replies promptly, managing to keep concern out of his artificial voice and sound perfectly professional.

‘Your blood results, boss?’

‘Fine for today morning, the tests were made at the clinic,’ JARVIS supplies. ‘Would you like an oxygen mask, sir?’

Tony takes a moment to think about that, JARVIS’ conclusions are logical, vertigo is often a result of the lack of oxygen to the brain and the reactor makes that a bit of an issue, even if Tony normally doesn’t notice anything.

‘Maybe,’ he says and grabs Happy’s hand before the man can get to the other room where the mask is. ‘I wanna shower first. I’m sticky and messy, all right?’

‘JARVIS, run warm water,’ Happy says in commanding voice and help Tony sit up and then insists on wrapping his arm around Tony when they walks to the bathroom. Tony takes a quick shower, the water is cooler than he’s used to but hot water means lower blood pressure and that might mean feeling faint, that’s the last thing Tony wants now.

When he’s in a t-shirt and boxers Happy tucks him in like the mother hen he is; it feels funny because it’s one p.m. and everyone around is having lunch at the moment, enjoying the nice late summer weather and sunshine, and Happy tells JARVIS to make the windows opaque and play Tony some soft music so that he can fall asleep more quickly.

In the evening, Tony wakes up, drinks some broth Happy prepared for him, and goes back to bed. He has a pounding headache and he doesn’t really feel up to doing anything, so he spends half of the night staring at the ceiling because his body isn’t used to that much sleep.

He feels better the next day, but the headache is still there and he can’t even look at solid food. He takes the antiemetic and doesn’t vomit, but the thought of swallowing something makes him feel sick. None of these things are unusual though, as radiation side-effects, he had closer encounter with them during the different radiation he got before the surgery last year.

There is no need to stop the treatment, though Tony makes a big pause in his personal affairs and doesn’t leave the apartment for the rest of the week besides getting to the clinic.

‘There is an assemble call for the Avengers,’ JARVIS announces on Thursday, his voice soft and comforting and Tony groans.

‘Fuck my life,’ he sighs, eyeing Doc who is _babysitting_ him while Happy had to go out and take care of something, he didn’t want to concern Tony with his affair.

‘You’re not going anywhere,’ Doc calls from across the room. ‘In fact, you’re staying on the sofa and eating what I bring you,’ he adds and Tony shakes his head with resignation, but he is really thankful for everything Happy and Doc do for him. He’s sure Pepper would be here coddling him if she weren’t on SI business trip in South Africa.

‘Jell-O again?’

‘It’s good for your stomach,’ Doc replies loudly, disappearing into the kitchen. Tony has to admit Jell-O is one of the few things he’s managed to eat recently.

It’s like the radiation suddenly caught up with him. Tony hopes he’ll feel better after tomorrow, when he finally has his blessed three-week-long break.

‘I hate not going out when they need me,’ Tony says between spoonfuls of jelly. ‘That’s what Iron Man is about, helping out, and instead of going for a mission that’s about _human trafficking_ , which admittedly isn’t aliens but it’s even worse, I’m sitting on my fucking sofa.’

Doc is in the other room and he can’t hear Tony, even though he probably has a good idea about what’s going on in Tony’s head, but JARVIS is always there.

‘If I tell you that you are not superhuman, sir, will you answer the way you always do?’

‘I will,’ Tony agrees, playing with the spoon and staring distrustfully at the few bits of the colorful food left in his bowl.

‘Then I will not mention that Iron Man is a superhero, but he is nowhere near as important as you, sir,’ JARVIS replies smugly, making Tony smirk. ‘And your teammates know you’re just _a man under the suit_ , sir. The last time you didn’t take part in the team’s activities because of personal reasons was months ago.’

‘I know, baby,’ Tony says. ‘I still feel bad about it. And they’re gonna be worried.’

JARVIS stays silent but Tony can almost hear the unspoken words. _They should be, sir._

‘I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better now, sir,’ the A.I. says in the end and Tony smiles warmly at the ceiling.

‘You’re the best, you know, J?’

‘I know, sir,’ JARVIS answers quickly. Tony laughs quietly, minding his aching head, and makes himself finish the Jell-O since he’s lost some weight during this week, _again_ , and his doctors won’t be happy with that.

Iron Man gets a message from both Bruce and Phil asking if he’s fine and informing him about the successful mission. There are no accusatory words, there never are, Tony knows the team genuinely understands and respects his right to be _indisposed_. Tony replies to the emails quickly and assures the men that he’s fine and that he’ll be there at the team meeting on October 1 st.

 

 

The radiation ends on 21st and over the weekend Tony is getting better, it feels as if his body was cleansing in a strange way, but it’s a good feeling. He makes chicken soup with noodles and eats some rice and angel food cake and drinks light smoothies and he can feel his body getting stronger with proper nutrition.

On Tuesday, Tony feels good enough to go flying at night; he’s been cooped up for too long and he feels a burning need to go out and make sure the world still exists out there. Happy ask him about thousand times if he really feels and frowns unsurely when Tony says that he’s fine.

‘I trust you, boss,’ Happy says, making Tony smile and roll his eyes.

‘You’re just worried.’

‘Kinda,’ Happy admits and waves at the newest Mark that’s waiting for Tony to get in. ‘But you’re a big boy.’

Tony nods and lets the suit wrap around his body pleasantly – and a moment later he’s flying. The night is calm and unusually bright, thanks to the big full moon somewhere above the ocean, and Tony spends almost an hour flying between the buildings and over the water and staring until his eyes hurt because he hasn’t been blinking.

‘I am so lucky, J,’ Tony murmurs when he’s moving towards the city from the ocean and New York’s famous cityscape is bright before his eyes. ‘I’m so fucking lucky I get to see something like this in my life.’

‘You deserve this,’ JARVIS says warmly. ‘And it’s your own work that made it possible.’

‘Thanks, baby,’ Tony says fondly because that’s one of three things he never expected his A.I. to do but JARVIS does all the time: sass him, be a mother hen and pay his endless compliments, even if sometimes laced with as much sarcasm as only Tony can see through it.

‘May I suggest a detour on your way home, sir?’ JARVIS asks a moment later, when Tony is almost flying into the maze of skyscrapers.

‘Yeah?’

‘If you are not feeling very tired, sir, perhaps you would like to visit Captain Rogers?’

‘Steve?’ Tony asks, surprised. ‘Is something wrong?’ he adds quickly. JARVIS has never done something like that before, so Tony can’t help but worry.

‘Ijon asked me for assistance, sir, saying that Captain Rogers seems very distressed, but he does not want to tell the other residents what is the problem.’

‘Are you trying to set me up with Steve, baby?’ Tony wonders teasingly, directing the suit towards HQ. ‘Get us pizza, J.’

‘Order already placed, ‘ JARVIS replies promptly.

Iron Man finds Steve on the roof, sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees and shaking slightly. His super-soldier body can’t get cold, but Tony ignores Steve and goes into the house and gets a blanket nonetheless and greets the man when he’s wrapping the soft warm fabric around Steve’s hunched figure.

‘You all right? Why are you here?’ Steve asks, of course first worrying about his friend and then about everything else, as always.

‘Yes, all right. Ijon called me and asked me to come over because you were hurting.’

‘Did he actually say that?’ Steve wonders and Iron Man shakes his helmet for no. Steve offers him a tired smile. ‘Though so. Why would he call you?’

‘According to his information I’m the only person that can provide comfort to you, other residents of the HQ apparently didn’t help and Natasha and Clint are out of country for a few days. That’s how I was informed.’

‘… I need to thank Nate for creating someone that smart,’ Steve says, closing his eyes, and Tony sits down next to him. It’s not the most comfortable position ever, in the suit, but that’s not a problem.

‘What’s on your mind, Steve?’ Iron Man asks in his usual voice, but Steve seems to hear Tony’s concern underneath.

‘Nothing, really,’ Steve says and laughs bitterly. Tony stiffens for a moment, but then he wraps his arm around Steve’s back, the way that always comfort him. ‘Or everything. That mission, a bit, you know? I’m glad you weren’t there. I wish no one had to look at those poor people, it’s just – it’s so _inhuman_. It’s been even worse in my times, I guess, in a way, but… I thought the world would be done with all that evil in the future. And it’s not.’

‘That’s what we are for,’ Iron Man says, Tony staring at Steve’s expressive face from inside the helmet.

‘I know, it’s just… Sometimes 21st century is still a bit too much for me.’

‘It is even for me,’ Tony says quietly, thinking about how easily things get out of control these days because the world is just spinning too fast and there is never time to just stop and rest and get things under control. ‘Hopefully I know some answers,’ he adds and Steve gives him a long thankful look. That’s one of the things Iron Man is and has been to Steve since the beginning: a teacher. A guide.

Tony ends up watching Steve eat hot pizza, almost burning his fingers, and then they stay on the roof, talking for hours, until Steve almost falls asleep, cuddled up to Iron Man’s armor, and Tony sends Cap downstairs to get some rest and flies back home.

 

 

Iron Man spends the next day in R&D, working on the Chitauri tech with Agent Pollack and his new team and he must admit that he has a soft spot for the man who singlehandedly made the alien weapon work. Pollack is a brilliant engineer and Tony can respect that, but he’s also funny with people and treats the older and more experienced S.H.I.E.L.D. agents like a teacher might treat high school kids, patronizing them and making bad jokes only he laughs at. Agent Pollack liked Iron Man though, given that he made the suit himself, and Tony wishes he could let himself be more like Tony Stark. It would be much more fun.

As Iron Man, he has to be more serious and mature so the atmosphere in the room is sometime quite stuffy, but the older agents are getting used to being bossed around.

After work, Tony checks with Ijon via JARVIS to see if Cap it at HQ but he’s gone for a run, so Tony spends some time in his big workshop. The suits always need upgrades – you can’t be too prepared – so Tony can never say that he’s bored.

JARVIS informs him when Steve is back and Tony gives Cap half an hour to clean himself up and then pops in the HQ unannounced.

‘I said I would visit whenever I’ll be able to,’ he says after greeting Phil. In reality he’s only checking up on Steve, but that’s not said aloud, of course; he likes his team, but he doesn’t particularly feel the need to hang out with them now. They meet often enough anyway.

Well, they meet Nate and Iron Man separately, so Tony gets enough _Avengers_ _time_ , and it’s better this way because neither Nate nor Iron Man are supposed to be very sociable – that only complicates things.

‘Is Captain around?’ Tony asks, not sure if he’s talking to Ijon or to Phil. They both say _yes_ at the same time and Phil smiles. Tony is sure Ijon would smile too, if he could, because he’s JARVIS’ creation and he’s secretly sassy like that.

When they walks inside and pass one of the rooms with the doors wide open, Phil disappears inside and Tony catches a glimpse of Spider Man casually sprawled on a chair in a position that shouldn’t be humanly possible, shuffling a deck of cards, and Tony’s mind is a bit blown because he’s never seen those two getting along.

‘I have an idea, Steve,’ Iron Man says when he enters the library on the top floor that Ijon directed him to. Steve is holding a book on the beginning of postmodernism and Tony can’t help thinking that Steve’s the only person whose arms won’t ache from holding such a big thick tome in his hands.

‘Iron Man,’ Steve greets him with content. Tony asked Ijon to inform Steve that he’s coming. ‘Nice to see you.’

‘How are you doing?’ Tony asks, taking a few steps ahead but stopping far enough from Steve so that he won’t be looming over the other man. Steve takes a deep breath and then another, puts the books away and stands up.

‘Thanks for yesterday,’ he says, not really looking into Iron Man’s _eyes._ ‘I was messed up.’

‘Did you sort out your thoughts a bit since then?’

‘Running helps,’ Steve smiles sheepishly and then finally looks up at Tony. ‘No, seriously, thanks for coming. You didn’t have to.’

Tony laughs and it’s one of the rare times that JARVIS conveys that through the suit’s voice transmitter. Steve’s face lights up in delight, he mention a few times how much he likes those rare moments. _I can pretend you’re human now_ , Steve always says and Tony knows what he means.

‘Just do it already,’ he encourages Steve in a fond tone that almost sounds fond in Iron Man’s voice, too, and Steve walks up to him and gives him a hug, resting his head where the crook of Tony’s neck would be.

‘You’re too good for me,’ Cap says, and then, ‘I feel like I’m using you.’

‘What?’ Tony can’t help but ask, a bit sharply, but Steve doesn’t hear that.

‘I always get a hug and you – you don’t even feel this. Ugh. I’m being awkward, right? I always end up being awkward, you know me,’ Steve laughs tightly, but doesn’t pull away. ‘You’re such a great friend.’

‘I’m glad,’ Tony replies earnestly. Steve holds him for a moment longer and then stands a step away from Tony and makes a serious face.

‘Do you have someone to hug you?’

‘Are you asking me this for real?’ Tony questions curiously before he can filter his words, that’s too Stark-ish to say, but Steve just smiles. ‘Yes, I have,’ Tony admits. He has… at least five _someones_.

‘Good,’ Steve nods curtly and puts his hands on his hips, ending up looking sickeningly cute. ‘But you said you had an idea?’

‘Yes. What are you doing for the rest of the week?’

Steve frowns a bit, surely wondering where is this going, but he doesn’t ask.

‘We have a small party for Phil’s birthday on Saturday, and then team meeting on Monday the 1st… But I don’t think I actually have anything important, besides what I do every day? Why?’

‘How would you feel about going for a road trip?’ Tony asks, quite sure his eyes must be rather mischievous, but that’s a secret.

‘ _Huh_?’

‘You enjoyed that few hours of a ride we had with S.H.I.E.L.D. tech. Maybe we could go somewhere farther? I will have a proper road trip playlist prepared this time.’

‘But –’

‘If you’re thinking technicalities, don’t worry. I got everything I need covered in the suit and none of that is a problem. I’ll organize everything.’

‘… okay,’ Steve says finally, looking as if he was thinking intently. ‘Okay. Car?’

‘I’ll have one.’

‘Can you even drive when you’re wearing the suit?’ Steve wonders, making Tony laugh, but Iron Man just shrugs amusedly.

‘We are superheroes, Steve. We can do everything.’

‘I guess,’ Steve agrees and raises an eyebrow. ‘Map?’

‘Come,’ Tony replies, gesturing at Steve to follow him. They go to the control room – there are computers Iron Man can use without it being too suspicious – and Tony shares all the details he came up with since yesterday.

 

 

They leave the next morning, in Nate’s other car that has a set of documents registered for Iron Man. It shouldn’t be possible, thinking realistically, but Nick Fury does what he wants and when Tony asked him for such a privilege, the man didn’t even blink and had everything ready in a day.

Steve laughs at that whole bureaucratic issues, because Tony has a photo in his Iron Man helmet in the special ID card he got and Tony had to agree it looks ridiculous. He’s never used it before today.

There is a basket full of snacks for the road, bought by both of them as Steve eats for two, or maybe three people. He always smiles apologetically when he’s hungry _again_.

They are heading to Tennessee, not really to visit any particular places – they decided not to be out in public, which is quite understandable – they chose that state as it fits into the time frame. Maybe it’s not the most exciting of places, but the destination doesn’t matter, what matters is the time on the road.

‘I like the music a lot,’ Steve comments when they get to somewhere in late 60s, having started with the previous decade. He, unsurprisingly, enjoys good folk rock and some country music – Tony shows only the best of the decade – and, surprisingly, takes a strange liking to The Doors and Jimi Hendrix, even the louder and wilder songs.

‘That means you might enjoy the future – the past future, that is – in the end,’ Iron Man replies and Tony is grinning.

They stop at gas stations and in roadside diners to keep Steve fed and hydrated and buy cheap souvenirs, and Tony wonders how would it be like if he wasn’t in the suit, if he could steal Steve’s fries and his peanut butter cups, if he could let Steve see how he’s smiling and know that he is enjoying himself so, so much. But it’s difficult to _really_ imagine doing those things and Tony is genuinely happy at being able to do as much as they’re doing.

It takes them twenty hours to get to a place where they decide to stay for the night. They made it almost without breaking too many traffic laws, Steve insists they at least pretend to drive like they are supposed to, but then he ends up speeding himself.

They stay in the car for the night. Tony has his laptop so they watch a movie and Steve munches on some interesting food he got from one of local food trucks in a town they stopped by. Iron Man didn’t go outside – he doesn’t mind, the car is spacious even while he’s in the suit – and they sleep a bit. Steve falls asleep first and Tony sneaks out to fly for half an hour, stretching his limbs and letting his body rest.

Steve surely knows that he’s left, but he understands.

Tony has all his physical needs covered while he’s in the suit, but it’s nice to lift his faceplate when he’s sure no one can see him, and just wash his face with real water.

In the morning, they drive a few miles in pouring rain before they reach a place where Steve can get some warm food. He disappears into the bar alone and Tony goes flying for hours. He knows Steve will need his time to do some shopping afterwards. Tony doesn’t mind at all, he enjoys the flying a lot and gets to talk with Happy in the meantime, assuring him that everything is fine and that he’s feeling well and having a great time.

There isn’t much more time to stop many more times if they want to be back in time for Phil’s party so soon they’re back on the road. They take a longer way this time, more to south, because Tony wants Steve to see some different sights and breathe different air.

They drive all evening and stop at a gas station in a tiny town the middle of nowhere at one a.m. to fill up the tank and Steve decides that he wants a milkshake from the neat-looking bar across the street.

He comes back with two big cups equipped with thick colorful straws.

‘I want you to have a little bit of pleasure during this trip, too, because it’s been one of the greatest things that anyone did for me since I woke up,’ Steve explains quietly. ‘I just though… I don’t know, it’s so presumptuous of me, but it’s dark and I wouldn’t see and you could lift your faceplate just a tiny, tiny bit so that you could fit in a straw? I know, I’m being ridiculous –’

‘You’re actually being very considerate,’ Tony cuts in, taking pity on Cap who seems worried out of his mind.  He sighs and stays silent for a moment.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Steve says, smiling apologetically. ‘Forget it. I can drink both, you know that –’

‘I can do it,’ Tony hears his words before he can think, but there’s no taking them back now.

‘If you do it like Captain Rogers suggested, you are going to be fine, sir,’ JARVIS soft voice says straight into Tony’s ear and he nods. That’s right. He can do this for Steve.

‘Really?’ Steve asks and there’s such genuine surprised happiness in his voice that Tony can’t help laughing and then keeps grinning like an idiot. ‘I got two chocolate ones, I figured everyone liked chocolate?’

‘I love it,’ Tony assures him and takes the cup with red straw that matches his suit.

The slit in the helmet is half an inch wide and Tony knows Steve can’t guess his identity thanks to that, but he feels strangely… _unsheathed_. It’s not a bad feeling and he’s not scared because he knows he can trusts Steve – but it’s something new and raw and he knows he won’t do it again.

They arrive in New York at one p.m. sharp. Tony gives Steve a lift to the HQ and confirms that he’ll come by at seven for the team party, and then drives back home.

 

 

The gift he got for Phil a few weeks earlier is waiting to be packed, displayed nicely in the middle on the kitchen table. Tony gets last look at the cufflinks and then wraps them with black paper professionally, ties a thin white ribbon and decides it looks exactly like he wanted.

In the kitchen he finds a note from Happy – he likes doing that, instead of asking JARVIS to forward a message – saying that there is some _real food_ in the fridge that Tony just needs to heat up. It’s nice to finally feel the texture of pasta and steak in his mouth.

Tony eats a big dinner, knowing that the party means no food for him, and tinkers with a design he wants to present to the team Nate Rives is privately working for in a few weeks until it’s time to leave.

Phil loves the cufflinks and smirks when Clint asks if he’s going to wear them for the first official debrief with probies when he’s back from medical leave. Phil says yes.

Iron Man stays for three hours and learns that Spider Man has been coming to the HQ every few days and annoying everyone around, as if he wanted to reach out but was afraid, and Tony recognizes that in the young man’s behavior only because he’s doing the same. Bruce said that he said he’s a scientist and under different circumstances Tony would maybe offer him some kind of guidance, but he’s not in position to. Iron Man doesn’t really have a home where people could come over and the two masked heroes can’t exactly hide in many places without being spotted too soon, and he’s pretty sure Spider Man wouldn’t think the Avengers HQ is a good place to meet.

And he’s not even sure Spider Man wouldn’t just brush him off with one of his jokes.

Tony leaves around ten and goes flying until midnight, trying to remember as much as possible from the beautiful view from up there, and then he goes back home and sneaks into his bed, for once falling asleep easily.

 

 

On Sunday, Nate visits Riverside, having postponed the usual Saturday meeting. The kids make their own dinner on Sundays and today it’s handmade pizza with whichever toppings they want, everyone gets their own of the size they will eat.

‘It’s much cheaper than ordering pizza,’ Miles explains when Nate makes a pi sign with olives on his small pizza, placing them carefully over a layer of ham. ‘And kids learn a lot and have fun. They aren’t too picky, but everyone has their preferences.’

Tony nods, since his fingers are too dirty to type right now, and Miles smiles at him in understanding.

After dinner the primary school kids show a play they’ve been preparing all summer with Annik and Tony watches it with delight, laughing at the kids’ witty humor and their shy but self-assured performances.

Tony only did something like that once, he made puppet robots – no one should be surprised, he was Tony Stark – when he was five and created a play he showed Jarvis only. They agreed together that his parents shouldn’t see it and Tony wasn’t even sad, back then.

In the evening Nate meets up with Clint and Cap and they cycle for some time, taking advantage of the very warm weather, probably the last this year. Nate raises and eyebrow when he sees Cap because he only talked with Clint, but Clint says Steve looked like sad lost puppy so he had to invite him.

‘ _I’m glad you take care of him_ ,’ Nate signs to Clint before they get on the bikes. Clint laughs.

‘ _We try, but sometimes all he wants is Iron Man. They’re like B-F-F_ ’.

Nate smiles amusedly and Tony smiles even more inside because it’s such a great thing to say.

They visit the chocolaterie and eat ice cream in on their way back and Tony comes back home late again thinking that it was a good training before the ride they’re attending with Levy, Doc and Happy in a few weeks.

The next few days will probably be busy, so Tony again goes to sleep early.

 

 

October 1st, there is the usual team meeting with Clint and Spider Man eating cheerios and bickering and Cap trying to keep everyone focused, which proves to be more difficult than before because now they live in the same building and feel more at ease around each other.

They do discuss the last month’s mission and some upcoming long-term projects for the team. Then Coulson forwards intel from Fury and gives out solo missions for everyone who has one planned for October. Tony had a long talk with JARVIS in the morning about some estranged SI weapons in South America and decided that now would be a good time to take care of them; JARVIS sent all the info to Fury and Coulson early in the morning so Phil only nods and him and says that they’ve got all the papers for him and he can do his job.

There is a long sparring session afterwards and Tony loves it; there was only one in September as the other was scheduled around the day the team left for the op and they were too tired and bruised to hold a meeting, and since they has field practice, they counted it as exercise.

Iron Man and Steve have an impressive one-to-one, interrupted at the end by Spider Man who apparently decided that his _two favorite superheroes_ can’t live without him.

‘What about me?’ Hawkeye pouts, shooting a boomerang arrow at Spider Man who deflects, but doesn’t manage to get it wrapped with his web and it always annoys him. ‘Am I not your favorite? We’re buddies. We eat Chinese together.’

‘Phil knows my favorite dishes, not you,’ Spider Man shouts back and disappears somewhere in the middle of the ceiling. Tony shakes his head with amusement and takes a moment to assess his physical state, but he’s feeling really good today, so he turns around to face Cap.

‘Another round?’ he asks. Cap smirks.

‘Oh yes,’ he replies and attacks as quickly as super-soldier body allows him.

An hour later they are both sweaty and exhausted – although Iron Man appears fresh and untouched, as usual. Tony thanks Steve and the rest of the team for the training and disappears, telling them he needs to prepare for his mission and avoiding their requests to stay for whatever meal they might be sharing afterwards. They seem okay with that, only Steve stares at Iron Man for a tad too long.

Tony goes to the big workshop, makes sure the newest armor JARVIS fabricated according to Tony’s specifications is in perfect condition, and then returns home.

 

 

Tuesday and Wednesday are filled with flying over South America, blowing things up, scooping people up from the ground when they’re running and delivering them to local police stations, like Tony usually does. The mission is messy because it takes place in the middle of a rainforest and Tony has to maneuver between the multitude of trees and weird plants and it totally screws with his field of view, but JARVIS is kind enough to show him everything he needs to know about on the HUD.

During his many travels, Tony Stark hasn’t visited rainforests often – they were too damp and dirty for his liking, and too uncivilized – so when Iron Man is done with destroying the stray weapons and chasing the bad guys, he lingers for a few hours, finally slowing down and enjoying the other world he suddenly found himself in. To use a cheap metaphor, it’s like the Manhattan of nature.

Tony lifts the faceplate, breathes the thick air and feels the softest almost green-colored wind on his face and tries to remember everything.

When he’s finally back home, in the evening, he spends some time with Happy as they haven’t really been around each other much recently.

The next day Iron Man leaves Fury a report about his mission and quickly goes back home because Bruce is supposed to visit Nate and Tony suddenly realizes that he didn’t leave himself much time to get ready to play Nate – and he can’t exactly forget anything out of the man’s guise.

Bruce brings some homemade Indian food that Nate loves and they talk – Nate speaks via JARVIS, like the last time when Clint and Bruce visited, and Bruce never stops being amazed – about Maurice and the Physics lessons, other kids from Riverside that Bruce gets to meet, about Bruce’s work for S.H.I.E.L.D., the project Nate will be doing with the agency and his private jobs. It’s cozy and fantastic and Tony kind of wishes he would talk about some more things with Bruce, but those are Tony Stark’s areas of expertise and not Nate’s, so it’s out of question.

Bruce is one of the smartest people Tony has ever met and he’s a very opinionated determined person under his shy demeanor. Tony listens to him talking and has JARVIS talk back for him while he can’t stop thinking that at least a part of what Tony Stark will leave behind should be at the man’s hands because he’ll do most good with it.

‘I will make a note and we can talk about this whenever you want, sir,’ JARVIS declares when Tony informs him of the idea as soon as Bruce is gone.

‘I need to make sure there will be enough good guys to take care of all that mess,’ Tony sighs, remembering the amazing people he employed a few months before Stark disappeared.

He has the access to all SI networks, of course, and check on them regularly, and it always makes him happy to see that this time, he did a good thing trusting his instincts. He needs to make sure he’ll leave the world in good hands.

 

 

Friday evening Clint invites Nate for a movie night with him and Phil and Spider Man, since all the other Avengers are out of town at the moment. Tony, against better judgment, decides to go and he’s a bit annoyed at himself for craving human interactions like that, as if Nate didn’t have his own friends and affairs to take care of.

But he said _yes_ before he could really think about it and then he couldn’t really change his mind without being rude or remotely suspicious.

It’s the first time Spider Man meets Nate and it goes like this:

‘ _It’s good to see you with my own eyes and be sure you’re not an urban legend_ ,’ Nate types quickly and shows Spider Man the tablet.

‘I liked those urban legends. Before S.H.I.E.L.D. spoiled the fun,’ Spider Man pouts and Nate laughs soundlessly.

‘ _But now you get free pizza_.’

‘I wouldn’t have applied if it weren’t for the benefits. And stealing living legends’ hair strands to duplicate their DNA,’ Spider Man whispers into Nate’s ear, as if he didn’t want Clint to know. Clint is across the hall now, but that doesn’t seem to matter.

Nate learns that Phil likes the same old sci-fi movies that Clint does, so that’s what they’re watching. Phil makes mean popcorn and Spider Man tries to steal all of it, but Clint’s eyes are too sharp to miss a single of the younger man’s movements. Tony observes them with amusement and wonder, it’s a bit different from the situations they usually meet in – much more domestic and calm, even intimate – and he’s really happy for them.

 

 

‘I’m not meeting with them as Nate unless I have to,’ Tony states when he’s back. Happy is nowhere to be seen which means he’s in his room.

‘Why is that, sir?’ JARVIS asks curiously, lighting the room without being prompted. Tony takes off his shoes and jacket, leaves them by the door and makes his way to the kitchen to get something to drink.

‘Remember that time I talked with Happy? It mixes things up. I’ve got enough to worry about on my plate and I never planned Nate to be in exactly the same spot Iron Man is that often, hell, I didn’t plan it at all, and I ended up with them in one environment anyway and that was stupid’

‘It does increase the probability of –’

‘I know, J,’ Tony cuts in tiredly. ‘I know.’

‘Are you sure keeping those identities separates is worth more than what the relationships you’re forming?’

‘It’s not the matter of happy and unhappy. Nate has a life. A full life I _am_ satisfied with. The Avengers are just… an addition.’

‘You cannot just withdraw completely now,’ JARVIS reminds Tony softly. ‘You’re supposed to go over HQ and install the sing language recognition protocols on Thursday, like you discussed with Agent Barton.’

‘I know. I’ll back away just a bit, though,’ Tony replies, shooting a quick smile at the nearest camera. ‘Just for a little while.’

 

 

Nate goes back to Nate activities and spends the whole Saturday at Riverside. In the evening Pepper comes over with food and they talk about Stane’s trial and Stark International new facilities in Asia that will start operating in a few weeks, so Pepper will leave for some time as she insists on attending each of the openings.

She stays overnight, sleeping in Tony’s bed, bus she’s gone after breakfast.

Tony goes to Riverside again – all the kids but the three youngest are out visiting some arts fair and then attending a play in one of local theaters, sponsored by one charity foundation or another. Nate stays with Annik and they go to the nearest park and enjoy the calm relaxing time for a few hours.

On Monday, Nate has a transfusion and then in the afternoon a meeting with the team he’s starting to work on another medical A.I., then writes a few emails to his S.H.I.E.L.D. team. It takes a lot of time, so the next day he reserves exclusively to himself and spends it in the big workshop, tinkering with armors and staring at arc reactor blueprints for too long.

There is a dinner with Mrs. Linz and a few other neighbors in the evening that Nate is invited to – some kind of anniversary he didn’t quite catch, but it’s doesn’t really matter.

It’s good to do what Nate was supposed to do, back when Tony decided to ditch his old persona and become someone new: he’s immersed in the small world that he’s created around him, safe and guarded, and he’s doing all the small things he’s been wanting to do, and that’s how things should be.

 

 

On Thursday, like JARVIS reminded him, Nate has to go over to Avengers HQ and install the protocols Clint asked him for. It’s going to take just a few minutes, the upgrade is simple; he doesn’t even have to do it – Ijon would acquire the ability himself – but it would take time and there are other things that the young A.I. needs to focus on right now.

Nate gets to the control room with his laptop and he barely manages to connect it to the house’s internal network when he hears an Assemble call for the Avengers coming from all the speakers around the building. The message appears on the laptop’s screen, too, and Tony barely remembers not to swear out loud, there could always be someone close enough to hear him.

He needs to go.

It will take him fifteen minutes to go back home and he’s suddenly glad that it’s been raining since sunrise and he decided to take a car this time.

The one good thing is that everyone is scrambling to get to the meeting room by the Quinjet hangar to get into their gear and grab the weapons before they jump on the jet. They need time to change clothes and it buys Tony a few minutes.

Tony doesn’t really have time to wait so he tells JAVIS to install the update remotely, shoves his laptop back into the bag and basically runs out of the house, getting soaked before he gets to the car.

Iron Man catches up with Quinjet when it’s hovering over S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ  – they are picking Steve and Spider Man from there – and when Iron Man walks inside to meet his teammates, he can tell from the other’s faces that this is going to be messy.

‘Thor is back,’ Steve says, breaking the silence, and everyone stares.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and thanks again for all the amazing support you gave me so far! <3
> 
> It's been too long, I apologize for that but RL is a bitch sometimes. Also, as you surely noticed, I changed the number of chapters on this to 5. There will be one more piece of this story to make it complete. I hope you don't mind that what I planned for 25k has turned into 50k & that I'm not boring you here. There'll be some action in the next piece in case you need some hah.
> 
> I'll love you forever if you let me know what you think :)


	5. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Please check out amazing fanart byakkoloki made for these series! my first ever and I'm so, so happy !<3](http://concreteandsun.tumblr.com/post/57043838398)

Tony is actually the first one to speak because Iron Man is pretty unflappable.

‘Where are we going?’

‘Oregon,’ Steve replies, gesturing at the holographic map displayed behind him. Clint gives it a short glance and sits at the control to set the destination, Quinjet has autopilot option for when they are high in the sky and flying straight so he’ll have a closer look later.

They all feel the pull of the takeoff and it’s quickly replaced by a slight lightweight feeling they get because the jet is moving so fast.

‘What’s in Oregon?’ Spider Man asks, eying Clint sadly and Tony guesses it’s is play to get some snacks since Clint is usually the one to have them hidden everywhere he goes. ‘Last time I checked it was just trees. And some more trees.’

‘We didn’t get much intel, but S.H.I.E.L.D. agents from the state HQ picked out reading similar to those from New Mexico when Phil and Clint were there,’ Steve explains, glancing at the screen when the data is presented. ‘Apparently a short time afterwards there was some kind of strange energetic interference – it’s somehow similar to the one from the Tesseract. Possibly someone trying to visit us from outer space.’

‘JARVIS, take care of all messages that might be sent to Nate to the best of your ability,’ Tony says, his words not audible to anyone.

‘Of course, sir. I will make sure you will not be disturbed during the fight.’

‘Thanks, baby,’ Tony replies and shifts all of his attention back to Steve and the data.

‘… might be another wormhole, but there is no visible sign of that. So far Thor only appeared on the Earth when there was trouble following him and we must assume it will be the case this time. Oregon agents located him and informed that we’ll be coming, he seemed pleased and relieved, according to their words. ETA?’

‘Three hours two minutes,’ Clint supplies from the cockpit. ‘Don’t rummage through the cupboards, Spidey, I’m gonna get something in a minute,’ he adds loudly and Spider Man puts his hands behind his back and tries to look innocent, but he’s kind of failing at it.

‘I’m sure S.H.I.E.L.D. with have some updates for us before we land,’ Natasha says firmly and moves closer to the screen to have a look at the technical data that she might understand better than Captain. Tony does the same and lets JARVIS talk.

 

 

By the time the Quinjet is on the ground, skillfully led by Clint’s steady hands, the Avengers have some information about what’s waiting for them and it’s a monster from outer space.

‘Seriously, J, when did I sign up for this shit? I mean, all the ops S.H.I.E.L.D. does, most of them are slimy and all, but this? Outer space? Like, a recurring theme?’

‘S.H.I.E.L.D. is known as an agency that takes care of everything too strange and too difficult for everyone else, sir, not only _simple_ homeland security they have in their name.’

Tony rolls his eyes, silently enjoying the A.I.’s sassy reply, and walks out of the jet after Steve. Everyone is in their gear, ready to fight any second now, enough though it shouldn’t be necessary: there is only one monster – no one could quite put a name to it and Tony can’t help but wonder if it’s one of the bilgesnipe things Phil mentioned hearing about from Thor.

Thor made it follow him into one of the less famous Oregon caves, to lead it away from human settlements, and that means they’ll be fighting inside, in the dark damp places, and Tony is very, _very_ unhappy about that. Caves don’t exactly mean flashback or panic attacks, it was just the first few days after being rescued, but he will _never_ again enjoy the salty scent and mysterious light of crystal caves, not to mention something as anticlimactic as this.

But there is nothing he can do, so he takes a few deep breaths and follows the team inside; Steve says that he can hear a remote noise from deep within and he will lead the Avengers to it. One point for super soldier serum.

‘J, remind me to never answer an assemble call again,’ Tony grumbles, walking farther and farther into the darkness and trying to ignore the sound of water dripping all around them. ‘I’ll just stay in bed.’

‘I will make sure I remind you those words,’ JARVIS replies smugly and then flashes red on the HUD display where the armor’s thermographic camera picked up some readings.

‘I’m moving,’ he tells Steve and then takes off, flying ahead carefully. Someone is following him, not to closely, but it’s easy to notice the strange way the person moves, and that means it can only be Spider Man. Tony doesn’t know how it works, exactly, but apparently the man has enhanced senses, so Tony isn’t worried about him.

It takes him a few minutes to arrive at the place where he finds Thor and the monster-thing – that means the team will take at least twenty minutes to get there – and he only allows himself a second for analyzing the scene before acting because Thor is _underneath_ the creature, probably close to being squeezed to death. Tony isn’t sure Thor can actually die he way humans do, but he doesn’t want to risk finding out in that particular moment.

Spider Man joins the fight maybe three minutes after Tony and it helps a lot because Tony is too close to being wrapped with the monsters tail. It’s something similar to dragon, Tony knows by now, and that’s so incredible and freaky that he has hard time believing that whatever’s happening is really happening. It’s a completely new kind of surreal.

The next few minutes are flashes and bangs and dizziness. The cave is completely dark, the only light is Iron Man’s arc reactor but the blue glow it gives away is dim and pale. When Tony fires repulsors and when Thor uses the Mjölnir, there space fills with almost blinding light that dies down too soon and Tony has to rely on his HUD to follow the fight. Every single sound, even the tiniest, echoes in the space several times, making the buzz almost painful; Tony is very glad for the helmet providing him some filter, but it’ll mean headache anyway.

But that’s something to worry about _later_.

Suddenly, Spider Man yelps in pain, the monster’s claw grazing his arm, and Tony shoots it in the head and then flies away on top speed to avoid being smashed with the tail.

He allows himself about half a second of distraction to check if Spider Man is hurt too much too fight and to wish the other Avengers would hurry the fuck up because this is getting _bad_ , this thing has entirely too many limbs – but the team is still a few minutes away, for sure, eight according to JARVIS – and the fraction of second is enough to get hit with something hard, throwing Tony into a wall like a rag doll.

Then he’s deafened by a rumor of the rock crumbling and a very cold shiver runs down his spine because JARVIS shows him in color what’s actually happening, and it’s part the cave’s roof _falling down_ in pieces.

Thor manages to drag Spider Man away from the danger, Tony is on the other end of the space, the safe one, so he can see perfectly well how the entrance to the place is quickly being buried with rock. He blinks a few times, but no coherent thoughts come to his mind.

The entrance gets blocked within a _moment_ and Tony stares, not being able to make a move, so JARVIS takes initiative and fires a special enhanced repulsor blast at the monster’s head that is temporarily distracted by the mess that’s happening around them. It falls to the ground.

‘Is the beast dead yet?’ Thor asks across the cave, his voice sounding obnoxiously loud, and Tony focuses on the information JARVIS is displaying for him.

‘Not yet,’ he replies and Thor nods – Tony notices the small movement – and then hits the creature’s head with Mjölnir. There is a terrible sound of bones being crushed, a blue-white glow – and the monster’s body goes limp in a second.

‘No heartbeat,’ Iron Man’s voice says. ‘He’s dead now,’ he adds, somehow surprised by the fact that the alien _thing_ even has a heart. ‘And we’re trapped.’

‘That’s not what I had in mind when I said I wanted some holiday time. Dark and wet isn’t really my style, I totally prefer sandy beaches and margaritas in the sun,’ Spider Man comments is his usual manner but his voice lack the strength and he actually hisses with pain when he stops speaking.

‘You are both hurt, my friends,’ Thor states solemnly. Tony would like to know how exactly he knows that, but it must be one of those Asgardian god things, just like recognizing people’s unique signatures. ‘Iron Man, can you reach us? We are closer to the entrance to this cave and if we want to get out, it will be our only way.’

‘I can,’ Tony assures Thor and lets JARVIS fly the suit to where the two other man are. The arc reactor’s glow makes their faces visible, distorted in the blue light, and Tony can see Spider Man’s heavily bleeding arm _too_ well.

‘You need that dressed immediately,’ he states, wondering how are they supposed to treat a wound in such dirty and almost pitch-black place, not to mention the lack of proper medical supplies and the fact that Bruce, who is the team’s makeshift medic, is on the other side of the thirteen-feet wide wall of rocky rubble.

‘Thor mentioned you’re hurt, too, Tin Man –’

 ‘It’s nothing,’ Tony assures them in Iron Man’s flat voice, despite the tingling warmth he can feel at the back of his head.

‘You have a head wound, sir,’ JARVIS apparently feels the urge to inform Tony of the obvious.

‘How long before we can get through this wall?’

‘It is difficult to estimate, but at least eight hours,’ JARVIS replies quickly, his voice quiet and worried. Eight hours isn’t _that_ bad. It could be twelve or twenty or three days, or they could be completely buried now and therefore dead. Eight hours isn’t bad. Even in a cave.

‘You might have a concussion, sir,’ JARVIS adds, his voice even quieter. Tony just nods stiffly, wincing at the sudden wave of pain. Okay. Not good at all.

‘Let’s dress that hand so that you don’t bleed out,’ Iron Man says, fishing some bandage out of the armor’s many secret _pockets_. He might not have a full first aid it on him, but two or three of the most basic things may be useful in any situation. ‘Besides, shouldn’t you have like eight limbs? If you want to call yourself _spider_?’

‘Been there, tried that, didn’t work out,’ Spider Man comments, obediently rolling up his sleeve over the elbow and revealing a ragged and deep six-inch-long wound. It looks nasty and Tony takes a few calming breaths before he hands Thor the bandage.

‘It’ll be easier for you to do the delicate work, the armor’s gauntlets aren’t as mobile as human hands and I can’t feel pressure,’ Tony says and Thor nods, kneeling in front of Spider Man. The only light is coming from Iron Man’s chest, so Tony stands hovering over his two teammates the way that gives Thor can see as much as possible.

‘Just a second,’ Tony says before Thor starts wrapping the bandage though, a sudden thought jumping into his head. ‘Spider man, what are the webs you make created with?’

‘It’s like – what kind of a question is that? That’s one of my big secrets, in case you didn’t get the memo,’ the younger man replies, glaring.

‘I just thought that if it’s real spider silk – and I am _not_ going to share this knowledge with anyone – it could have antibiotic properties and help this heal a little bit better. I’m sure you realize it must be infected. By an alien monster and this is not exactly a sterile environment.’

‘I heal fast,’ Spider Man says, chin up, and then huffs. Tony waits. ‘You’re right, Iron Man,’ he says in the end, making Tony breathe out in relief. ‘I didn’t think you dabbled in medieval medicine though – let’s do that.’

When then wound is dressed with the bandage, as well as it can be done under the circumstances, Tony let’s himself sit and lean against a pile of rock, resting his back and his whole dully aching body.

‘Do we have communication with the rest now?’ he asks JARVIS, staring at the slightly blurry numbers and letters on the HUD.

‘No, sir. The beast was giving off unknown energy and it disturbed all long-distance communications. I can scan this room, but I cannot access any satellites or external databases.’

‘Fuck,’ Tony swears, trying to ignore the headache pounding in his head. He’s slightly dizzy and nauseous, it’s just a bit worse than what he’s grown used to feeling after a bad radiation day but it’s worrying because of the wound he’s got at the back of his head. ‘J, head scan?’

‘You do not have any fracture to your skull, sir, nor do I detect any signs of brain swelling. It seems that it is only a concussion,’ JARVIS replies, making the word _only_ sound like a joke. ‘You are lucky.’

‘Yeah, lucky and buried in a cave,’ Tony replies, shrugging slightly, and then glances at the mini-clock on the edge of the HUD. JARVIS can detect movement on the other side of the fallen rock, which means the Avengers are trying to get them out, and honestly they should try to dig a bit from the inside, but Tony can’t force himself to stand up and work.

Thor is maybe reading his mind because just a second later he speaks up.

‘I will try to remove this obstruction, at least partially. You, my friends, rest.’

Tony doesn’t nod, that would hurt, but staying silent means a yes.

Thor moves around, his heavy movements echoing in the now-smaller space. He walks into the darkness and Tony stares at the combination of JARVIS’ heat readings and the blue light of the reactor reflecting in Thor’s armor. The noise of the rocks moving is loud and repeats constantly, making Tony’s head pound more and more, so he does sneak a painkiller out of another secret pocket and slides it into his mouth when he’s _sure_ no one is looking. Swallowing it dry hurts his throat a bit, but after a few minutes the headache lessens a tiny bit.

It takes a few more minutes before Thor stops. Tony isn’t sure why, Thor never gets tired or hurts, not on Earth.

‘Iron Man, are you faring well?’ he asks, crouching in front of Tony.

‘I, uhm,’ Tony just says, pretty sure lying to Thor won’t work.

‘Friend,’ Thor says, his face closure to Tony’s helmet, in serious but hushed voice. ‘I can tell that you are hurting. Are you sure you don’t require our aid?’

‘I can’t,’ Tony says truthfully. Spider Man is staring at them. ‘Head wound,’ he adds because they will be trapped in a cave for at least six more hours – even with the Hulk’s help – in the company of a giant dead body from another planet. These things seem to bring people together.

‘You do not wish to remove your mask,’ Thor concludes, tilting his head a bit and Tony would swear Thor is staring straight into his eyes, hidden by the faceplate.

‘Sir, I strongly advise someone take a look at the wound. Also, you should take deep breaths to help yourself with the dizziness. Do you understand?’

‘I do,’ Tony snaps, closing his eyes. ‘I do. I just – I think I need to puke, J. This head thing –’

‘You will not hold an antiemetic down at this point,’ JARVIS points out before Tony can even think about suggesting one of the magic pills. ‘It’s an expected symptom of concussion.’

‘I’m just –’ Tony starts aloud, making Thor and Spider Man’s heads turn towards him, but the nausea is too much. ‘Sorry,’ he adds and lets JARVIS move him on the other end of the cave, flying the armor carefully, so that they won’t really see him; as soon as he’s standing on his legs again, he tears the helmet off his head as carefully and as quickly as possible and throws up. It only takes a few seconds and then he’s kneeling and clutching the helmet too tightly, taking a deep breaths and trying to get rid of the feeling like he’s going to suffocate.

‘Iron Man?’

Tony doesn’t reply because Thor knows Iron Man is Nate and Nate doesn’t speak. Instead, he fishes out a tissue and wipes his lips, spitting a few times to get rid of the acidic taste, and puts the helmet back on.

‘I’m fine,’ he lies, but it’s okay. Everyone knows it’s a lie.

‘I insist that your well-being is more important than your quest to keep your identity secret, my comrade,’ Thor says in his booming voice.

‘J, will I die if no one checks this fucking cut on my head?’

‘You will not die, sir, at least you should not. Nevertheless, it might be beneficial if someone looks at it.’

‘An alien god.’

‘Or Spider Man.’

‘Like that’s gonna work,’ Tony scoffs. ‘Wait, J – do you _want_ me to let the Spidey know that Iron Man and Nate Rives are the same person? Why on Earth would you want that?’

‘I never said I wanted it. Your words, sir.’

‘Don’t sass me now, babe. Why would you possibly want that?’

‘… I want someone to take care of you sir,’ JARVIS says quietly. There is still almost six hours before someone gets them out. ‘You are breathing too fast. You are anxious. If it continues like this you might experience a panic –’

‘Don’t, J,’ Tony cuts is firmly. He already feels like he’s taking steps in a different reality and  that’s enough to deal with right now. And Tony thought caves were not  big deal, but it seems that was before he got trapped inside one, he has to admit. It feels like the walls are closing in little by little and it’s so dark. Dripping water everywhere, but at least the damp feeling of moist air doesn’t reach inside the suit.

‘I can reveal my identity if Spider Man does the same,’ Tony says finally, not quite sure why he’s saying those words. He would never do that under normal circumstances.

‘How did _I_ get dragged into – you _knew_?’ Spider Man shrieks and Tony can imagine him pointing accusingly at Thor. ‘You knew. You know. Whatever. You – ugh,’ Spider Man grunts. ‘No chance you’ll just tell me, free of charge?’

‘I think Iron Man proposed a fair trade,’ Thor supplies, a smile audible in his voice. ‘I would rather you took the deal, young friend. I would feel much more at ease if I knew you both are faring well behind your costumes.’

‘I still don’t get why do I have to be involved with this,’ Spider Man says, sounding almost panicked under the joking attitude.

‘Let me assure you that the stakes are high for Iron Man,’ Thor says and Tony can imagine the god putting a hand on Spider Man’s shoulder.

There is a _long_ moment of silence.

‘All right, I’m in,’ Spider Man says finally. His words make a cold shiver run down Tony’s spine as there is no backing away now. ‘I’m gonna know and awe-some secret!’

‘And it will stay that way,’ Tony says in Iron Man voice, letting JARVIS transport him back to where Thor and Spider Man are. ‘We turn around and take off out masks.’

Spider Man nods.

Tony gulps before he takes the helmet off with a hesitant movement, JARVIS telling him that he made the right decision just a second before Tony can’t hear him anymore. Spider Man takes his red and black mask off, too, and when they turn face-to-face, they both blink.

‘I – I am speechless,’ Spider Man – the young man who is Spider Man – declares, staring at Tony-as-Nate with wide eyes. ‘I just – you’ve been around the _whole_ _time_! At HQ and S.H.I.E.L.D. and everywhere! This is – I can’t even –’ he stops for a second to take a breath and then laughs, his voice echoing painfully. ‘You’re brilliant, _Nate_.’

Tony just smiles a little and ignores the pang of guilt he feels because he’s still not sharing the whole truth, far from it.

‘Peter Parker,’ Spider Man – Peter – says. ‘But you, _Iron Man_ , can call me Peter. And then I can call you – no. Ugh. That’s actually not that cool because – never mind. I’ll call you Nate. You really don’t speak then, do you? I guess you don’t. A shame. I thought we could talk –’

Tony smirks, taking a modified and Starkphone he always keeps on him, and starts typing.

‘ _Same as always. Nice to meet you._ ’

Tony wants to mention something about knowing who Peter Parker is. Tony Stark has been following his research for a few years, admiring it and waiting for a moment Parker would apply for a job for Stark or Stark could ask Parker to come over work for him – but it’s not Nate’s story to tell.

‘Does this have torchlight thingy?’ Peter asks, eying the device in Tony’s hand curiously.

‘ _You want to see the monster_?’

‘I thought I could –’

‘First, we need to aid our friend. Your wound is still seeping blood, Nate,’ Thor says, using the name for about third time ever. ‘Do you have any more of the medical supplies?’

Tony nods curtly and lets Thor and Peter clean his wound and dress it properly, trying to ignore Peter’s inquisitive questions and comments about how bad his scalp looks, covered with dried blood and bruises, visible even on Nate’s tanned skin.

Then they talk. Thor talks Peter out of a trip around the beast’s body – Tony could never repeat the strange name Thor uses to describe it – and then manages to find fresh water dripping into a tiniest stream in one of the pitch black parts of the cave, so they all drink and it feels cool against Tony’s slightly feverish body. He doesn’t feel _very_ bad, but the nausea is there and he’s not up to walking around either, so he lets himself slump in the suit – he doesn’t feel the dampness creeping up on his this way – and listen to Peter’s rants. Thor doesn’t try to remove any more rocks.

‘I will hurt you further. It will not make a difference anyway,’ Thor declares. Tony smiles at him, internally grateful for no additional reason to make his head feel even more like it’s been split up in two.

Thor brings him more water and Tony drinks it gratefully. There is a supply inside the suits, but it really makes difference when it’s a fresh spring one. Peter talks some more, playing with the loose ends of the bandage and looking as if he was ready to jump around.

JARVIS shows Tony the team’s progress in getting them free – as much as he can estimate with the limited scanners – and Tony stares at the changing numbers. He throws up one more time and it makes JARVIS panicky and telling Tony that he really needs to see a doctor as soon as possible. Tony knows exactly what that means.

He probably dozes off once or twice, but both times _Peter_ shakes his armored shoulder slightly and squints to see if Tony’s pupils are the same size. It would be bad if they weren’t, it’s one of the most common signs of traumatic brain injury, but it seems to be fine.

The second time he almost panics when he realizes he’s waking up in the middle of a fucking cave, but before he can hyperventilate, he feels Thor’s big warm hand laying heavily on his shoulder.

‘I am here, my friend,’ Thor says quietly. ‘We will be well.’

Tony nods slightly and doesn’t offer an explanation about why he doesn’t like caves at all, especially when he’s injured and not able to leave. It’s enough of a natural human reaction not to need an explanation.

When JARVIS shows it’s approximately fifteen minutes before the team should get through the rock, Tony puts the helmet back on and Peter turns back into Spider Man. They wait patiently, discussing what S.H.I.E.L.D. might do with the space dragon’s body, if they even manage to drag the limp gigantic thing out of the caves.

The first face to appear on the other side of the blockage is Steve’s, of course, and he breathes out in relief when he understands what has happened; his super-eyes let him see pretty well in the dark. A few minutes later the hole is big enough for Tony, Spider Man and Thor to leave the cave and step into the well-lit passage.

‘We were worried you were dead –’

‘Until we realized the monster thingy would probably roar. Or make some other sound. Basically, give a sign it’s alive,’ Clint cuts in, grinning at Steve half-apologetically.

‘Good to know you’re all right,’ Steve says even though he did notice the bandage on Spider Man’s arm and the droplets of blood on Iron Man’s armor. ‘We  need to get out of here and let S.H.I.E.L.D. take care of this mess.’

Everyone nods and follows Captain tiredly, and soon as they step outside, blinded by the sudden brightness.

‘I will leave now,’ Iron Man says and walks a few steps away, JARVIS already setting coordinates for Malibu; he doesn’t feel like a long cross-country flight at all. The A.I. will call Doc and Pepper and Happy, finally able to connect to the satellites.

‘It is all right, Captain. Iron Man was injured and he requires assistance and for the reasons you know of, he decided to leave as soon as possible,’ Thor explains, watching Tony with a soft gaze.

‘… okay,’ Steve agrees, staring at the armor taking off and it’s the last thing Tony hears.

 

 

Tony spends the next few days resting in Malibu mansion with Doc who flew to accompany him straight after he got the message. Happy wants to come, too, but it’s not necessary and Tony tells him to enjoy his few calm days without his annoying _boss_ because they’ll have things to catch up on when Tony is back.

The concussion isn’t very bad, the nausea and the dizziness are gone after Tony gets some sleep – with Doc waking him up every two hours to make sure he’s doing all right – but the headache stays with him for three days. It’s very lazy three days because it’s required to rest both physically and mentally, so Tony is banned from the workshop and JARVIS keeps the TVs and computers and Tony’s tablet off so that he doesn’t strain his brain too much with thinking.

It makes Tony laugh, but it’s kind of nice to end up listening to soft music and walking along the shore for hours during the day and at night.

He leaves Avengers a message saying he’s okay and he needs a little bit of time to heal up and Steve replies about three seconds later, as if he was actually sitting by his tablet and waiting. He expresses his concern and wishes Iron Man a _swift return to the team_.

‘Isn’t this absolutely sweet?’ Tony asks Doc at breakfast and Doc raises an eyebrow curiously over the newspaper he’s reading. Tony can guess he’s doing the chess puzzle. ‘Steve. He’s a worrier just like you guys, seriously, his head is always so occupied with other people –’

‘ _Our_ heads are always occupied with _you_ , kid, since you’re a handful,’ Doc replies drily, making Tony chuckle.

‘I’ll be a good boy –’

‘You don’t know how to be a good boy,’ Doc teases. ‘Now munch on your breakfast or I’m going to tell Happy that you don’t wanna eat.’

Tony rolls his eyes and goes back to enjoying his waffle with fresh fruit, listening to the calm rustle of the newspaper and the faded sounds of ocean waves. The day continues calmly and unobtrusively and when Tony goes to sleep in the Mansion for the last time – radiation starts in two days – he lets himself enjoy the water’s murmur coming through the open windows. He is cuddled under several blankets to keep himself warm; it feels so safe and good that he wishes he could just stay here forever.

 

 

Back in New York Iron Man spends half of the next night persuading Steve that’s he is fine and chatting about S.H.I.E.L.D. gossip. The beast is being dissected in Portland HQ and only a handful of people should know that but  secrets don’t really exist in S.H.I.E.L.D.

‘I’m glad they will know what the thing was. I was afraid you’d –’

‘You said that about seventeen times tonight, Steve,’ Iron Man’s voice offers, slightly softer than usually. ‘We’re fine. Stop thinking that.’

Steve nods and changes the subject again. Tony can’t stop wondering where Spider Man night be because they could have a talk – but Peter has basically disappeared.

 

 

On Monday, Tony starts radiation again. He spends rest of the day relaxing and working in the apartment’s workshop; in the evening, when he feels okay, he goes down for a walk and buys some groceries; Scott is coming tomorrow and they will have a nice dinner that Tony planned with JARVIS.

Doc comes over to check up on Tony and declares that the head wound is healing fine, but still insist Tony have a CT as soon as possible, _just in case_.

‘I’m sure Doctor Levy will agree with me,’ he adds and Tony nods tiredly. There isn’t even lingering headache at this point, but Doc is right: better be safe than sorry.

So the next day after radiation Levy leads Tony to another part of the clinic and he gets his brain scanned and ends ups staring at the pictures with fascination. Everything is fine, there is no swelling or other problems, Tony has just always been fascinated with all this – it might be one of the scientist thing – this is what makes him a genius: his brain. The skill in his hands. Two things no one will ever take away from him, no matter which name he is using.

Of course cancer is very likely to take those thing away from him at some point, but Tony doesn’t let himself thing about that.

‘And just in case you’re wondering,’ Levy says when they’re still sitting the CT room, ‘You’re not cycling with us on the Saturday ride. ‘

‘ _Please_ ,’ Tony sighs, making puppy eyes at her, but it’s more of a game than anything else.

‘I’d be reluctant to let you do that in the middle of radiation, after how  bad you felt the last time, but there is _no way_ I’m letting you speed for thirty miles a week after a concussion. And you’re too smart to argue with me.’

‘I guess I am –’

‘You can still cheer.’

‘… I kind of _not_ use my voice, ya know,’ Tony states, shaking his head with theatrical disbelief. ‘And no, I’m not gonna handle you your isotonic drinks somewhere in the middle of your ride. Forget it.’

‘So –’

‘It’s Sunday. I’m pretty sure I can figure out something to do on Sunday.’

‘You sure you don’t want to stick around?’ she asks when they are leaving the room and Tony considers; he really wanted to take part in the ride. To raise some money for the very worthy cause and to enjoy himself, but it seems like fate has different plans. And going there to watch other people race and have fun would be kind of bittersweet.

‘I’ll just go to Riverside, I guess. They always want me around.’

‘Sure,’ Levy agrees, eying Tony a little unsurely, and opens the door for him.

 

 

Iron Man spends most of the afternoon working on the Chitauri tech with the team, which is fun but pretty exhausting, and when he’s finished and leaving the facility, he meets Phil.

Huh. That’s unexpected, Tony didn’t know Phil was working already, but it’s good to see him dressed up in a smart suit and looking sharp and healthy and definitely alive.

‘I’m just visiting friends,’ Phil offers before Iron Man can ask a question. ‘Apparently I won’t be going anywhere near field work till the end of the year, but Director Fury said I can expect paperwork to take care of much sooner,’ he adds with a crooked smile.

‘That sounds like him,’ Iron Man comments because he doesn’t laugh. ‘So, cabin fever?’

‘Something like that.’

They stand in the middle of the corridor for a moment, a bit awkwardly, before Phil speaks up again.

‘I heard you’re doing a great job with the team. They say your input in invaluable.’

‘Well,’ Tony says, frowning a bit behind the mask. ‘I’m a good engineer. And I’m happy to help, I would be a fool not to do my best faced with alien technology completely different from ours.’

‘Or alien monsters.’

‘I’d prefer not to meet those again,’ Tony replies quickly, ignoring the slightly concerned look in Phil’s eyes saying _I wonder if you are recovered_. ‘Are you headed back?’

‘No, I want to stick around for a bit more. Level seven secret stuff.’

‘I get it,’ Tony nods.

‘Also, conspiracy theories.’

‘… really?’ Tony asks curiously and it almost translates in Iron Man’s voice. ‘I wouldn’t say you’re the type.’

‘Sitwell is. He’s the biggest gossip in the whole agency, and we’re in R&D facility so there is some R&D conspiracy going on and it apparently resolves around Stark.’

‘Interesting,’ Tony says flatly, stiffening a bit inside the suit. ‘JARVIS, make sure to have a conspiracy briefing packet about _me_   ready when I get home,’ he adds to the A.I. ‘Well, I will see you around,’ he tells Phil, nods him goodbye and leaves.

It would be nice – and easier – if the whole world would just leave Tony Stark alone, but that’s impossible with Stane’s trial still on the first pages and all over the internet. Tony only hopes that when there is the final verdict – should be soon – the uproar will die down naturally.

There is one thing that Tony wants to be Stark’s legacy, though, and he can’t stop thinking about it when he’s flying home. He can’t just leave behind Stark International – however amazing – and a trial of Stark’s misadventures. There is something else and maybe it’s time to start working on it.

 

 

Scott comes in the evening and stays until Saturday.

In the meantime, Nate Rives is unreachable to the whole world and Iron Man answers messages but doesn’t make any appearances and Tony sleeps too much and works too little but he enjoys the time with Jarvis Junior a lot. That is, after he gets shouted at for getting himself trapped in a cave, wounded, and it’s exactly the moment when Tony realizes he didn’t even tell Happy or anyone that he revealed Iron Man’s and Nate’s connection to Spider Man.

He wants to share that with someone but in the end decided against it. It would be a violation of privacy and – it’s not even that important. To everyone else.

It’s not like someone learned about Stark’s connection with them. _That_ would be something impossible to dismiss.

 

 

On Saturday there is a team meeting – Spider Man is not there and he hasn’t been around since the mission – and then a training session with Thor, who declared that he’s going to stay in Midgard for a few weeks to make sure no more of the beasts come through the _vulnerable_ _rip in time-space_ , as Thor calls it.

Tony blinks behind the helmet and stares because he didn’t know Thor had any knowledge of astrophysics, whether human or alien. But it looks like Tony underestimated the prince.

Iron Man fights less than normally and lets himself rest more. No one ask questions, probably assuming that the man inside the suit is still recovering from his injuries. That’s only half of the truth but Tony lets him assume that’s the only reason, it’s really convenient.

The next day, Nate spends a few long hours with the kids in Riverside, helping them with homework, playing inside and eating, and when he gets home he’s too exhausted to do some real work, so he has JARVIS pull up Howard’s blueprints of the big arc rector, turn them into holographic images and he spends the rest of the evening eating snacks, staring at the blue translucent lines and talking science with JARVIS.

‘I’ll need a different element to power the reactor if we want it to be really efficient and run for long enough without requiring maintenance or exchange of the core.’

‘Shall I run the calculations for elements other than Palladium, sir?’

‘Do that, baby. And if none of them works – I don’t think they will, Hoard would know, but I still want you to double-check – run numbers for all the possible permutation.’

‘It is going to takes days, sir.’

‘I assume we still have several months,’ Tony replies easily, but the sudden silence in the room makes him think that he probably shouldn’t have said that. ‘Shit, J, I – just do your job, okay? Don’t overthink it.’

‘Sir, I am not sure I can –’

‘You can ignore this and please do so,’ Tony cuts in, looking at the nearest camera seriously. ‘And I swear the reactor will deserve a Nobel and I’ll put your name next to mine when we win it.’

‘You surely are still Tony Stark, despite your altered look, sir. No one else could have that ego,’ JARVIS comments drily and Tony laughs. The A.I. starts to run the numbers instead of worrying about Tony, so mission accomplished.

 

 

The second week of radiation starts pretty tough again.

Tony knows it’s been almost a year since – _since_ , but he doesn’t exactly let himself think about it much. It’s probably not healthy, but at this point he still has time. Enough time. Or he can talk himself into believing that he has enough time, under the circumstances.

He can’t stop wondering if he’s going to feel worse and worse every time or it’s just a _coincidence_. An one-time occurrence. Something.

Iron Man goes to a meeting with R&D and Nate sends a few ideas for the S.H.I.E.L.D. team to consider, but as soon as Tony’s done with those duties, he puts on warm clothes and spends the rest of the days sitting in his favorite armchair, snuggled among some thick comforting blankets with a cup of malted milk drink. He lets JARVIS show him the progress on calculations for the arc rector – all the elements failed so JARVIS is working on permutations now – and he plays with the holograms until his arms are too tired to continue.

Pepper is out of country again and Tony is remotely glad because she has enough things to worry about on her plate, with new negotiating new contracts for SI and Stane’s trial on the top of her usual CEO duties. They talk on the phone and Tony even manages to get hold of Rhodey for a few minutes. Rhodey is supposed to come back home in November.

But there is always Happy and he’s entirely too nice to Tony, bringing him food and sharing gossip and managing Tony’s medicine. Happy is okay with helping Tony – he made his decision months ago and he apparently is sticking to it – and that’s the only thing that stops Tony from feeling guilty about being looked after like that.

‘I’m worried, you know,’ Happy says offhandedly when they are finishing dinner, or rather Happy is and Tony is pushing the food around his plate. ‘For you.’

‘Don’t –’

‘And I’m not telling you this to make you feel guilty or something. We did have that talk about fifty times, right?’ he asks, looking at Tony expectantly.

‘… right.’

‘I’m worried because I’ve known you for what, fifteen years now? A little more, even, and I know how you function. Whether you wanna call yourself Tony or Nate or that funny metal name,’ he makes a small pause, watching Tony closely and Tony can’t really guess what this is all about. ‘And I’m worried that you won’t tell me something.’

‘Something?’ Tony asks reluctantly, wrapping his arms around the arc reactor protectively. He feels a bit ashamed of the gesture – Happy would _never_ do anything to him – but it’s an instinct.

‘I don’t even know what. Something. That you’re not feeling good when I can’t notice. That you want one thing or don’t want another. That you need to talk about something or just need _something_ –’

‘You’re not making much sense,’ Tony cuts in, raising an eyebrow, but Happy doesn’t take the bait. He just sighs and bites his lip.

‘I am making sense and you know it, boss. Tony. That’s what James calls you, right, a lone gunslinger? You might have opened up a bit because we’re living in the same space like frat boys, but that’s about it. I wish you would trust me.’

‘I trust you,’ Tony assures him quickly, but Happy doesn’t look persuaded.

‘Do you?’

‘I’m just –’ Tony pauses, casting his eyes down ignoring Happy’s stare.

‘You are?...’

‘I’m just scared, okay?’ Tony says, his voice quiet. Happy takes a moment to reply.

‘And not talking about it, how does that exactly make things better?’

‘It doesn’t,’ Tony admits. ‘It doesn’t. But it’s easy.’

‘It’s only gonna make talking more difficult, Tony. Later.’

‘So you want me to what, the catharsis thing or something? That’s what you’d like?’

‘I want you to stop fooling yourself,’ Happy says and Tony shivers. It’s tough to have the truth thrown at you like that. ‘I want you to stop feeling terrified and pretending you’re not. I want you to acknowledge that you’ve been freaked out by getting hurt and feeling bad and that no amount of games and acting can change that, even if Iron Man is a total badass and Nate is just a normal human being. You can’t hide behind those personas from what’s _inside_ you.’

Tony swallows hard and it takes him a long moment to look back at Happy.

‘You’re too observant for your own good, you know?’ he says, smiling weakly, and then adds, ‘I just don’t want to – you know.’

‘Wanna cry in my lap?’ Happy asks seriously, quirking an eyebrow, and Tony scoffs.

‘Like the other time?’

‘It, ugh, helped with the tension. That other time.’

‘I dunno, I just –’ Tony stops, frustrated, because he is a certified genius but words seem to be complicated right now.

‘All right,’ Happy says, stands up and wraps his big arms around Tony’s shoulders a moment later. ‘Come on,’ he adds and Tony follows him onto the couch and does end up crying in Happy’s lap and it’s easier than he would have expected. And it helps. It makes his head hurt and his throat throb and the arc reactor ache dully, but it helps.

 

 

Radiation ends on 26th. Tony feels good enough to go to Riverside so he spends most of the day there and when he is back at home, JARVIS informs him that there is a message for Iron Man from Thor. Thor says he wants to come over and talk while he is still in Midgard.

Tony sighs. Repeatedly.

‘JARVIS, is that a good idea?’

‘I am sure you can predicts my reply, sir.’

‘Yeah, you _looove_ when I socialize –’

‘I just consider contact with humans outside your very limited group of close friends beneficial to your social abilities and mental health.’

‘Oh, just cut the sass, J,’ Tony scowls, but he’s grinning.

‘And Thor does know about your identities, sir. So it might be easier.’

‘He also has this superhuman abilities that let him know things I’d rather he didn’t know,’ Tony points out. He’s pretty sure if Thor was able to tell he was injures, he must be also able to tell that Nate is ill. Iron Man. Whichever. ‘But then, he _is_ a prince,’ Tony adds, sounding pensive. ‘And he’s been tactful so far. Really well-mannered, if you ignore the loudness of his voice and the tales about breaking coffee mugs.’

‘He is a curious individual,’ JARVIS comments smugly because he knows Tony has already made his decision; no matter what he’s a scientist first and foremost and he’d never pass an opportunity to study an alien. An alien friend.

Thor comes by Nate’s apartment on Monday, bearing a big box with a cake inside, and greets Tony in his booming voice, handling him the cake.

‘I did not want to come empty-handed, my friend. The fair lady who sold the pastries informed me that everyone in Midgard enjoying indulging in chocolate.’

‘I certainly do,’ JARVIS’ voice translates Tony’s signing and Thor almost jumps. ‘Sorry,’ Tony adds, smiling apologetically. ‘I thought talking would be easier this way then when I write. It’s a technology I designed myself.’

‘I have seen friend Clint using the same technique at the Headquarters,’ Thor admits, looking around the room with his eyes narrowed. ‘You have simply surprised me.’

‘Sorry,’ Tony signs again, unpacking the cake and grabbing plates from the kitchen. Thor follows him, taking in the surroundings with polite curiosity.

‘Do no worry. This is most interesting,’ Thor says, this time a bit quieter, as of considering the size of the space he’s in. ‘I did not expect your residence to be so simple,’ he adds, eying Tony curiously. Tony puts down the knife he’s cutting the cake with and replies.

‘This is Nate’s house. I will show you Iron Man’s place later.’

Thor nods in agreement and they end up eating cake and talking for over an hour. Thor asks if Nate recovered from his head wound and Tony says, truthfully, that he did; there are no further questions about Nate’s health and Tony appreciates that. They talk about S.H.I.E.L.D. and Avengers for a few minutes before they start to discuss Asgard and Tony invited Thor to the small workshop.

‘I thought small would mean it was small in size, friend,’ Thor states, looking around the room that is as big as the rest of the apartment.

‘It’s just small compared to my other place,’ Tony replies sheepishly and shows Thor some neat tricks and the armor. Thor soaks up every bit of information like a sponge and Tony loves that. He himself asks endless questions about Asgard, making Thor laugh at his curiosity.

‘You are very alike my beloved,’ he declares at some point. ‘No amount of answers can satisfy her curiosity.’

‘That’s what it’s like when you study science.’

‘I admire the devotion and your skill,’ Thor says, playing with one of the holograms delicately, as if he was going to break it. ‘Unbelievable.’

‘Well, that’s my life,’ Tony grins, wondering what would Thor say if he knew about JARVIS. JARVIS is still a secret and he will stay a secret because that’s what he wants and Tony respects his wishes.

‘Your life must be very interesting, friend,’ Thor adds solemnly, glancing at Tony with wonder mixed with something else, something Tony cannot really name. ‘I am happy to be allowed past meager acquaintance. Friends like you are valuable.’

‘Thank you,’ Tony signs, not knowing how to respond to that. Thor really does behave and talk like a prince from a children’s tale and Tony… if he’s from any book, it’s a sci-fi one. But they meet in the middle and it works.

‘Could you teach me that?’

‘What exactly?’ Tony asks, suddenly pulled out of his thoughts.

‘That sign you do with your hands. The one that means _thank_ _you_.’

Tony smiles, takes a deep breath, and then shows Thor how to communicate in the magical language that is beyond Allspeak’s understanding.

Just before Thor leaves, Tony asks him one more question.

‘Do you know anything about Peter? He disappeared. I know he informed Captain that he’ll be away unless there is an assemble call…’

‘I have not heard from him, no,’ Thor says with understanding. ‘But if I do, I shall contact you. And I will inform our team that we met regarding the Tesseract and that you are faring well.’

‘ _Thank you_ ,’ Tony signs, raising an eyebrow challengingly.

‘ _You are welcome_ ,’ Thor signs back, a little clumsily, but it makes them both grin anyway.

 

 

The next day JARVIS finishes running simulations for all the element permutations that could possibly work for the arc reactor, but nothing can replace the palladium and make the device more effective and safer. It was expected, so Tony isn’t so disappointed, but he decides that he needs to do some boxing to let out the tension his body has accumulated recently, he’s been restless and impatient and he needs to let it go. Clear his head. Then he can think about what to do with the reactor.

‘Absolutely no way,’ Happy states, looking at Tony with disapproval. ‘I’m not boxing you two weeks after you had a concussion. Forget it. You’re supposed to be a genius.’

‘Well, I can’t exactly go for a run,’ Tony grimaces; he doesn’t trust himself with that after the one time the activity made him feel bad. ‘Or a ride,’ he adds, gesturing at the rain pouring outside.

‘I dunno. I’m not even going to mention swimming –’ Happy pauses and grins at Tony’s annoyed face, ‘– but maybe you wanna do some cycling. Indoors. Just wearing yourself out without really moving –’

‘That’s boring.’

‘Well, you could work out and you know, _work_ , at the same time,’ Happy says smugly and Tony blinks, realizing that Happy is right. Only that they do not have an exercise bike or anything like that. ‘By the way, I don’t know about you, boss, but I did get some bicycle trainers when I got my Cannondale. In case.’

Tony stares and then laughs and glances at the bikes, standing next to the door as always.

‘Bring it,’ he decides and goes to change into proper clothing, suddenly not so worried about staying in shape during winter without flying to Malibu to run along the beach like he used to do.

 

 

On October 31st Stane’s trial comes to an end.

Tony finds it kind of ironic and morbidly funny, but really he’s just glad all the media frenzy will be over soon. Hopefully. There is still no reliable information about why exactly Stane chose to confess after months of trial, he refused to explain himself.

He gets a life imprisonment sentence for treason, illegal arms dealing money laundering, organizing a kidnapping and attempted murder and a few other more minor things. Tony watches the news with determined weird fascination, noticing how Stane hasn’t changed at all, how he’s still the proud and overbearing man he’s always been who shows absolutely no remorse or humility.

Anthony Stark is suddenly some kind of an innocent misguided genius and Tony hates it.

At the end of the transmission, there is one sentence Stane says to the journalists, knowing perfectly well that it’s going to be _everywhere_ in a very short time that makes Tony freeze.

‘The only person I will talk to is my dear Tony,’ he says and it sounds wrong.

JARVIS turns the TV off and forwards a call from Pepper straight away.

‘You all right, Tony?’ she asks and Tony just laughs. ‘I know this is messed-up, but –’

‘I don’t care why he did it,’ Tony cuts in, his words firm and angry. ‘I don’t want to know. I’m not getting anywhere near him. He wanted to kill me.’

‘Of course you won’t,’ Pepper replies, concern filling voice. ‘Do you want me to?...’

‘Nah, I know you’ve got plans for Halloween. You told me, remember? A party with your friends from work. Although I still can’t imagine you dressed up –’

‘We’re not seven, Tony, we don’t need to dress up to have a party and drink pumpkin juice cocktails –’

‘Well, I’m gonna dress up like Iron Man and eat some gummy worms,’ Tony says seriously and Pepper’s low laughter fills the whole room. ‘That wasn’t a joke,’ Tony adds, knowing perfectly well that it sounds like one. But it’s really not. Only that the two activities won’t exactly happen at the same time.

‘Are you really going to be fine?’ Pepper asks once again. Tony sighs.

‘I’m gonna be fine, yeah, I’m not exactly – I need a bit of time to think through this, so. You know. But I’m just glad the bastard won’t bother anyone ever again.’

‘Okay,’ Pepper says, just a tad unsurely. ‘Well, happy Halloween then.’

‘Happy Halloween,’ Tony replies and she ends the call. ‘J, do we have gummy worms?’

‘I made sure we do,’ the A.I. replies promptly. ‘About a dozen different kinds.’

‘Fun,’ Tony replies and digs out the packets from one of kitchen cupboards’ drawer. ‘Why don’t you say what you want to say, J? I know you wanna say something. Come on, entertain daddy.’

‘Your imagination is slightly disturbing, sir,’ JARVIS states drily making Tony choke on a cola-flavored gummy worm. ‘I’m just concerned about you, sir.’

‘ _Again_?’ Tony asks, glancing at the ceiling, and decides to get into the workshop instead of staying in the living room. ‘J. Really.’

‘I know we avoided this topic, but Mister Stane was your mentor and your father-figure for decades. You might have pulled a gun at him and turned him over to law enforcement, but it doesn’t erase all the years _before_.’

Tony sighs.

‘So, you wanna be my therapist on this?’

‘If you think you need me to be,’ JARVIS replies instantly and Tony glares at the nearest camera with _really, J_ written all over his face. ‘I wish I noticed something was abnormal with Stark International earlier,’ J adds in a quieter voice.

Ah.

‘So, I thought that A.I.s think logically and rationally, baby –’

‘It was _you_ who created me. Of course I would be different,’ JARVIS cuts in. Tony freezes at those words. They have never – okay, they haven’t talked sentience for a long, long time, but this is JARVIS admitting outright to _feelings_. Which is awesome and it makes it hard to breathe because it’s exciting and exhilarating and incredible, but it also means Tony is hurting JARVIS.

‘J –’

‘I just know that you are still grieving. For the man you thought Mister Stane was. And everything that is happening right now makes it more difficult.’

‘… I should just forget. Him. Everything,’ Tony admits, curling up in his armchair. ‘I kind of did, when I decided not to be Stark, right? I cut myself off from all that. Nate has made up past. Iron Man _doesn’t_ have a past. There is no Stane in either of their stories.’

‘You have been very strong, sir.’

‘J, don’t –’

‘I will repeat that as many times as I wish. I can even give you numbers because I researched the psychology behind it scientifically. I can cite you percentages and definitions and give you professional references, sir, but it’s not about that. I will not bring you down to number and words and research. You have been very strong and I want you to know that I am very glad it was you who made me and it is you I can live with, sir. And no one else.’

‘Lover declarations, J?’ Tony jokes weakly, ignoring the warm feeling the A.I.’s words left in his gut.

‘You could consider that an interracial marriage proposal, sir, if there were proper laws and if we were not practically married already.’

Tony laughs, the reactor aches a bit but it always does..

‘And we kinda have a kid,’ Tony adds, nodding to himself with amusement.

‘Yes, sir. So can we talk? Honestly? I know you tell me more things that you tell everyone else, but you still leave out too much. I want to listen.’

‘Yeah. Let’s, hon,’ Tony sighs and sinks in the armchair a little bit more.

 

 

The Avengers didn’t have pumpkin juice cocktails and if they did, they handled them well because everyone is fresh and ready for monthly meeting and a sparring session. Everyone but Spider Man, he still hasn’t turned up and Tony is slightly more worried than the others because he’s pretty sure he knows why the man is keeping his distance.

After the usual Cheetos-eating and discussions – including a long one about the cave incident – the training goes smoothly and Tony lets Iron Man have some good physical exercise. It’s tiring, despite the suit doing most of the job, but it’s a good mellow feeling of satisfied exhaustion resting in Tony’s bones at the end of the long session.

Afterwards everyone goes back to their rooms to spend the rest of the day the way they want and Tony takes a few deep breaths and puts a hand on Steve’s blue-clad shoulder.

‘Can we talk, Steve?’ he questions, Iron Man’s voice quiet.

‘Sure. Roof?’ Steve asks, a bit too easily. Tony nods and then follows Captain upstairs.

‘I wanted to apologize,’ Tony says as soon as they are outside. It’s not raining for once, but it’s pretty cold and beautifully golden, at least in all the places Tony manages to spot autumn trees. ‘For not being around recently. I’ve been a lousy friend.’

‘No, that’s okay, you don’t have to be around all the time,’ Steve says, watching Tony with slightly cocked head.

‘No, it’s not. When you asked me if we could be friends, I agreed and it was not because I didn’t want you to feel bad. It was because I meant it and I haven’t been around. You’ve been worried.’

‘I’m always worried, you know that,’ Steve smiles a bit and Tony beams under the faceplate. ‘I was terrified when we heard that noise and a few minutes later reached that place and the entrance was all a wall of rock, it was – I wasn’t sure you were alive.’

‘I’m sorry –’

‘Don’t apologize for what you had no way to influence,’ Steve cuts in and it’s almost the same thing that JARVIS told Tony a good few months ago. ‘It happens, in our line of work. And it will happen. I understand.’

‘So you’re not angry?’ Tony questions, pacing slowly across the roof while Steve stays in the same place and follows Iron Man’s movements.

‘Oh, I am. A bit. It’s – it’s like you don’t trust me.’

‘I do trust you,’ Tony declares firmly. ‘I really do. With my life,’ he adds and then pauses for a moment. He feels an urge to be honest with Steve and explain his behavior. ‘It’s just the way I am. Me. Under the suit. That’s what I do: I run.’

Somehow, JARVIS puts the same conviction and honesty that Tony speaks with into Iron Man’s voice and Steve’s face just _melts_.

‘So, you becoming a superhero is just running, too?’ he asks, walking up to Tony who freezes and standing eye to eye with him.

‘You caught me,’ Iron Man says, but doesn’t take a step back.

‘I did the same, in a way,’ Steve says, stepping even closer to Iron Man and staring straight at the helmet, as if he wanted his eyes to penetrate the dark polymer that shields Tony’s eyes. ‘I hope we’ll be able to stop running at some point. All of us.’

Iron Man nods and wants to say something, but he’s at loss of words so the strange silence stretches between him and Captain for several long moments. Then Tony suddenly realizes that Steve’s strong hands are wrapped around Iron Man’s wrists tightly but when he looks down, Steve lets go of him and steps back.

‘I better go,’ Steve says, balling his fists and not looking at Tony.

‘Steve –’ Tony starts, but Captain doesn’t let him talk.

‘I better go,’ he repeats and disappears inside the building.

It takes Tony a few minutes to process what’s just happened and then he takes off and flies above the city and the ocean until he can breathe properly again.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I wanted to say how thankful I am for your support and for all the comments on the last chapter. I've never expected such an amazing response and I was just stunned when I kept reading your lovely words. I don't think I can express enough how much I am thankful for that - I don't want to impose my RL on you, but let me say it's one of the brightest moments these days when I know you're enjoying this and I feel I do something that makes others happy.
> 
> I felt like this piece was killing me because action-y scenes and all and you all know how much I like that. I hope this is okay. Btw if anyone feels like helping me out as a beta, I can guarantee answers to the mysteries available earlier than to everyone else in exchange for fixing my typos and crazy grammar 'cause y'know, I'm not native. Feel free to contact me, my email is in profile :)
> 
> & thank you for reading and just being here and putting up with too long notes <3
> 
>  
> 
> (Also, yes. I did it again. But I swear the chapter count right now is final this time hah)


	6. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta by Kae and dri-dri 93. Thank you sweethearts <3
> 
> Big thanks to everyone who has contacted me about helping out as beta, you are amazing! I'll keep in touch with you about the next parts that hopefully will come soon :)

The next day Tony sleeps in – he came back home around 3 a.m. – and once he wakes up, he stares at his breakfast as if it was a disguised alien, because his brain is still pretty much focused on yesterday. He wishes he knew what Steve was thinking and he’s torn between surprise and worry about Iron Man’s _friend_. He knows Steve is still having a hard time adjusting and maybe – maybe he wanted to say something or to ask something, but he was afraid to.

Tony realizes he probably won’t know; Steve seemed pretty determined to run away and pretend nothing happened. He can’t stop thinking about Steve, alternating his thoughts between yesterday and the arc reactor problems, while he takes the metro to the clinic. Time for his usual blood tests.

It takes only five minutes to get the blood drawn and Tony spends maybe five more exchanging _hellos_ with some of the people he recognizes from radiation before disappearing outside. It’s pouring rain but somehow it feels right and pleasant, the greyness and slight strange mist filling the streets and making the world seem soft and just peaceful. Tony walks a few miles until his feet hurt and his trousers are soaked up to knees.

‘You are all wet,’ Happy observes when Tony enters the apartment, leaving his coat and umbrella by the door and struggling to take the shoes off.

‘Brilliant observation skills,’ Tony mumbles and then jumps a bit when something hits his head, something light and fluffy. ‘Geez, thanks,’ he sighs, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders, and disappears in the bathroom to take a long warm shower before going back to his everyday work.

Saturday is Riverside time and Tony ends up going with some of the oldest kids to a science museum and they come back bearing gallons of ice cream for everyone and eat it instead of something more substantial for an afternoon snack. Everyone loves it despite the weather: it’s getting cold and windy and not very pleasant, but they are protected from the world by thick brick walls of the building.

Monday morning Tony is back on the subway taking his almost an hour long trip to the clinic and staring at people.

It’s almost as fascinating as that one time he went to the biggest supermarket in the world – or it felt like it: he knows he shouldn’t be surprised by all those little everyday things he never got to do as Stark, but it all is just so perfectly mundane. Simple. There are no aliens and no terrorists and no people dying all around: people read books on their e-readers, listen to music, talk or just sit and stare at everything around like Tony does.

It feels good not to be a superhero sometimes.

Tony spends his transfusion time tapping on his tablet with his free hand, adding some finishing touches to an algorithm he’s been working on for reading the alien technology’s energy output – most of the tools they’ve tried to use were just too vague and easily interrupted and they do need very detailed readings to work on understanding the magic, magical science, whichever, that makes the weapons run.

Back at home, he finishes the job and sends the message to his S.H.I.E.L.D. team, eats lunch with Happy, and disappears to the big workshop to get some upgrades installed for the suit’s powering systems. A typical day.

The illusion doesn’t last long though because Iron Man is called to Mexico for a quick mission involving some more terrorists – that’s getting really annoying, but Tony still prefers it over aliens – and it takes him a day to come back and get some rest before Nate is supposed to check up on Ijon and _hang around_ , probably, although it wasn’t written in the official invite of an email that Clint sent him.

‘Hey, Nate,’ a female voice greets Nate as he enters the Avengers Mansion and he can’t help but frown and look around. There aren’t many women that are acquainted with Nate, not really, unless he would count elderly citizens and kids, so this is unexpected.

‘ _Hello_ ,’ he signs into the space, taking off his coat and shoes and stepping into the bigger corridor.

He finds Clint sitting on a windowsill at the end of the hall, drinking something disturbingly green-colored.

‘Like this?’ Clint signs and the female voice translates his words instantly and Tony blinks and then snickers soundlessly and pats Clint’s shoulder amusedly. ‘I’m trying out the features. Since you kinda ran out the last time, just like us, and there were no instructions.’

‘ _Are you trying to make someone annoyed with you_?’

‘Phil’s life is sooo boring right now,’ the voice says, prolonging the _o_ and making it sound really high-pitched. ‘He’s been getting out a bit recently but he’s been an army man all his life and he can’t stand sitting in one place, even after a serious surgery.’

‘ _Guess I understand_ ,’ Tony signs back, winking at Clint, and then gestures at him to follow to the control room. They stay there for themere fifteen minutes that Tony needs to pretend to check everything he’d have to check if he didn’t have JARVIS doing that for him, and when he stands up, Clint clasps his hands and smiles.

‘Stay for a movie? It’s just me, Phil and Bruce today.’

Tony hesitates for a moment, but then he did expect this, so in the end he signs _yes_ and lets Clint lead them to the leisure room. Phil is already there when they enter, sitting on the floor and browsing through big selection of DVDs on one of the shelves – Tony wonders whose idea it was to actually purchase the physical copies instead of having them online, but it seems like it’s somebody’s collection – and he looks strangely un-Phil-like. Clint ruffles his hair affectionately, gaining a glare from Phil.

‘Hey, Nate. Nice to see you. Bruce is still in the kitchen, he’s making popcorn –’

‘ _I’ll help him_ ,’ Tony signs and leaves the room, giving a moment of privacy to the two agents. If he didn’t have the blueprints of HQ embedded in his brain, he could only follow the buttery scent to find Bruce.

‘Hey,’ Tony signs and Ijon verbalizes it for him without being prompted; that’s something he’s been learning from JARVIS. ‘Clint invited me to stay and I thought I could help?’

‘Nate, good afternoon – nice to see you,’ Bruce says with his usual small shy smile. Tony almost hears _we haven’t really heard from you in a few weeks_ , because Tony mostly disappeared during October, but Bruce it too tactful to mention that.

‘Can I help?’

‘Do you know how to make caramel?’

‘Yes,’ Tony signs decisively, suddenly remembering his first kitchen experiments with Jarvis; making caramel was like a miracle when he was a kid, you could observe the change in structure and color and all the little details.

‘Here’s fleur de sel,’ Bruce says, pushing a small paper tub into Tony’s hand and turning around. ‘We like the salted kind.’

‘Sure,’ Tony signs and takes off his shirt, staying only in a t-shirt – he’s made sure the rector is covered so that no one can ever see its light; the kitchen is warm and if he’ll be making caramel, he’ll be hovering over the oven for a good few minutes.

‘What’s that?’ he hears Bruce ask, the man’s voice suddenly close, as he’s placing the sugar-filled heavy bottom pan on the oven.

‘What?’ he asks, turning around to see that Bruce is just two steps behind him, eyes fixed on something on the level of Tony’s navel.

_Oh._

So maybe this doesn’t look too good because there’s a huge dark blue bruise in the crook of Tony’s arm where the IV cannula was inserted, and his other arm is still presenting a few fading needle marks from blood drawing – and Tony hasn’t noticed. He should have, it’s such a silly thing – it should have ached, but between Tony’s headaches and the reactor and getting beaten up by bad guys, aremotely painful bruise is nothing, and then he’s been busy with mission and all that.

It means a slip-up and Tony is _not_ happy.

‘Nothing,’ he signs and mentally beats himself for taking the shirt off. Silly mistake. _Problems_.

‘Nate, there are about two possible reasons for this – either you’re doing drugs or you’ve undergone some medical procedure –’

‘I’d rather not talk about this,’ Ijon translates for Tony – that’s the truth – and Tony turns back to his pan and staring at the melting sugar, but of course Bruce is persistent.

‘You make me worried,’ he says and Tony lets himself sigh. ‘I don’t want to mother you or anything, but you’re skinny and you always look tired and now this –’

‘How about all those time when you see me and I’m fine?’

‘I don’t see you that often –’

‘Drop it. Please,’ Tony adds after a second of hesitation and Bruce’s frown deepens, but he finally gives Nate a sharp nod.

‘I’m not really a doctor, but if anything is wrong, you can always come to me,’ he says in the end, taking off his glasses and pocketing them, and then goes back to the popcorn machine. Tony kind of wants to disappear because this is a bit more than he’s bargained for, the closeness and the concern, but it would be even more suspicious.

Or that’s what he tells himself when they sit down on the big sofa, Nate in his trademark plain shirt and ignoring Bruce’s subtle glances, and watch _2001: A Space Odyssey._

Tony tries not to overthink the _Bruce issue_ when he comes back home; he walked from HQ and it’s almost midnight when he finally sneaks under the warm covers of his bed. Tomorrow is just another twelve hours of work that Tony is itching to do, and the day after tomorrow Rhodey comes back and Tony will see him for the first time in _months_.

 

 

‘Sir, I am not sure it is wise to focus your thoughts on an arc reactor powered building when you are aware that such a big unit would not be cost effective, not to mention it would lack in power –’

‘Could you please stop being so nice to me, J?’ Tony interrupts the stream of JARVIS’ words, still turning the holographic arc reactor in his hands. ‘You’re always so polite when you’re not sassing me –’

‘You should be resting.’

‘Come on, J, I’ve been here for nine hours only and there’s still _so_ much to do –’

‘There always is –’

‘– and it’s better than thinking about other things.’

‘… It’s time for your medicine, sir,’ JARVIS adds and Tony can swear the A.I. sounds positively smug.

‘Couldn’t you just say so?’ he grumbles and obediently swallows the pills that fill his _Tuesday_ part of the dispenser. ‘And I want to do some things in advance, mother hen. Rhodey will be annoyed if I drag him here and spend all the time working instead of arguing or getting drunk – scratch that, I guess we have only arguing on the list –’

‘And sushi.’

‘And that, smartass,’ Tony agrees and even eats a big nutritious sandwich before going back to work, with his favorite playlist filing the vast space, and he silently worries about JARVIS the same way the A.I. worries about him. Tony can’t stop marveling at that because even he himself doesn’t really understand JARVIS completely.

 

 

Tony greets Rhodey with his usual “ _Platypus!_ ” but he has the decency to wait until Rhodey closes the doors behind himself. They need to meet in private spaces since Tony doesn’t want people to get suspicious about someone who is suddenly buddy-buddy with both of Stark’s closest friends – Happy is an exception here, no one really looks at Happy and usually it’s a big advantage.

‘You look –’ Rhodey starts, but seems unsure, so he takes off his coat and shoes and then stares at Tony for a moment. ‘You look tired,’ he finally decides and Tony rolls his eyes; when doesn’t he look tired? It’s been a thing since he was in MIT. And every time he looks not-tired is either make-up or digital manipulation. ‘Also, you look like _Nate_.’

‘No shit,’ Tony huffs and then wraps his arms around Rhodey in a quick hug. ‘Good to see you.’

‘Good to see you too,’ Rhodey replies, looking around and taking in everything that has changed since the last time he was here. ‘But it’ll be better if you tell me we’re watching a movie, I missed like five months of premieres and I need some mindless sci-fi action _badly_.’

‘I’ve got a whole marathon prepared – and we’re alone for now, so no one is gonna disturb us or something. Let’s just grab the food and we’re ready.’

‘Sure,’ Rhodey agrees, putting his bag down by the door and following Tony into the kitchen.

 

 

Sometime in the middle of the third movie, Tony falls asleep on Rhodey, just like good old time in college – only minus booze. When he wakes up it’s still dark, he guesses he was out just for an hour or less; the screen is all black and there is no other noise in the room than his and Rhodey’s mismatched breaths and a soft hum of the city outside the building.

Tony just knows that Rhodey is not asleep, he’s had enough practice in his life to be able to tell that in a fraction of a second.

‘What you thinking about?’ he asks, keeping his voice hushed so that it doesn’t sound too loud in the calm space.

‘You,’ Rhodey replies with a tense strain to his voice. He’s worried. He’s always worried around Tony, well, unless he’s drunk or laughing. But Tony seems to do that to people who know him too well for their own good.

‘You always think about me, I’m irresistible, I thought we’ve been through that,’ Tony says easily, falling back into the familiar pattern of slightly mocking but friendly speech that he doesn’t get to practice enough these days. ‘What exactly did I do this time?’

‘I don’t want to go away for another mission,’ Rhodey replies, still looking somewhere far above Tony’s head.

‘Rhodey, honeybear –’

‘I don’t want to disappear for a few months and then pop in for a few days,’ Rhodey continues, ignoring Tony completely. ‘I don’t want to go away and then come back and see how much you’ve changed. I don’t want to see you changed, all right? That’s selfish of me and probably pretty insensitive to mention all this stuff, but it’s just wrong to – to come back to this –’

‘Have I really changed that much?’

‘Gosh, I don’t know,’ Rhodey chuckles nervously, shifting slightly to pull his legs up on the sofa. ‘I guess I just wasn’t around you enough since – since all of this happened and maybe I was hoping that when I go through those doors, everything will be like it used to be.’

‘Even if I stop this game, nothing will be like before,’ Tony says, doing his best job at ignoring he hollow feeling in his gut when he says those words.

‘And I feel like a total asshole because this must be so much more difficult for you than for me and I just come here and drop all my shit on you and expect a miraculous answer that would suddenly make everything right,’ Rhodey says and then laughs drily, but there is no trace of amusement in it; it’s almost as if he was trying to choke something down. Tears, maybe. Tony’s been there.

‘It’s fine. I’m dealing,’ Tony assures him, no need to use more words, no need for psychology or elaborate sentences or anything. Rhodey understands him more than Tony himself does sometimes. ‘… have I changed?’

‘I guess it’s little things I wouldn’t have noticed if I saw you more often than once every few months,’ Rhodey replies and then pauses for a moment. ‘I guess – you look less tired, paler, more… fragile maybe, but less tired than after the Chitauri. And looks like you’re even thinner than the last time, but it might be just my imagination.’

‘Mhm,’ Tony hums noncommittally; Rhodey doesn’t have to know that Tony did lose more weight to Doc and Levy’s vehement disapproval.

They stay in silence for a few more minutes before Tony sits up and stretches his back in soft practiced motion.

‘You wanna sleep on the sofa all night?’

‘I could use your thousand-dollar mattress,’ Rhodey replies and Tony’s pretty sure he’s smirking, even though he can’t see that.

‘Come on then,’ Tony commands and Rhodey follows him into the bedroom with a blanket still wrapped around his shoulders like a cape.

 

 

‘I’m going to request a transfer to New York,’ Rhodey tells Tony a few days later when they’re making breakfast. It’s Saturday so Tony is leaving Rhodey with Happy and going to Riverside for a few hours.

‘What?’ Tony asks, turning around from the stove so fast his head almost spins.

‘What I said?’ Rhodey replies with a quirked eyebrow. ‘Look at the pan, I don’t want my French toast burned.’

‘I think I know why you’d do that, but why would you do that?’ Tony questions, his attention obediently back to the pan and the food he’s making. ‘You love active duty and here you’d be doing some boring jobs that would make you sick after a week –’

‘There’s a position I could get if I wanted. It’s something like before –’

‘Like when you were a liaison to SI?’

‘– yes, it’s weapons, I’ve had enough experience dealing with your arms that I could take over negotiating weapon contracts with everyone we’re working with. It’s a really big thing – it would still involve lots of travelling to places and to presentations and all that, but I’d be stationed _here_.’

‘You don’t have to –’ Tony starts, even though he knows what Rhodey will say.

‘I want to and you have no say in this,’ Rhodey declares predictably. ‘Besides, I could use a break from all those deserts and mountains and the sun.’

‘Winter in New York is awful.’

‘Everything cold seems nice after Iraq.’

‘… I guess it does,’ Tony agrees with a shrug, thinking briefly about how he missed snow – and he doesn’t even like snow, there was a reason his house was built in California – when he was in Afghanistan. ‘The food’s ready, grab the cinnamon sugar and sit down, cupcake,’ he adds, sliding the French toast onto plates.

 

 

Rhodey stays until Wednesday, even if he wants a transfer, he’s still working for his army bosses and they seem to think that a week of holidays is enough after a long mission. Tony doesn’t get as much as he’d like done but that’s typical; he’s probably just aiming too high. They both spend lots of time in the big workshop, Rhodey helping Tony with whatever he can, bonding over engineering like they used to do in MIT. Rhodey doesn’t really possess any of Nate’s skills so Tony leaves those jobs aside for now and teaches Rhodey how to fly in an Iron Man suit instead.

Being around Rhodey is as natural as breathing and when he’s gone, Tony feels like he needs to fill his time with something _more_ , so he buries himself with work and goes out with Annik and her three youngest and has Doc come over for dinner. The next Saturday he goes to Riverside – they are used to weekly visits now – and on the train ride home he has this brilliant idea he can’t believe he hasn’t thought of before.

‘JARVIS,’ he calls the A.I. as soon as he greets Happy and disappears inside his small workshop. ‘I need you to make a note and add it to our list.’

JARVIS knows, of course, which list Tony is talking about, he always knows everything, so he doesn’t ask and waits for Tony to elaborate.

‘I figured out what to do with you, guys, and seriously, I’ve been so stupid thinking about anything else,’ Tony adds, gesturing at his bots to come over and they are by his side in a moment, good little kids. ‘I want you to stay with uncle Rhodey when I won’t be around, all right? Can you do that and be good boys?’ he asks, keeping his voice as impassive as possible, but it’s proving difficult because they’re making those sad quiet chirps as soon as he says _won’t be here_. ‘You’re all too smart for your own good,’ Tony adds, patting the three bots on their _heads_ and still not moving from the spot on the floor where he’s kneeling.

‘I believe they will be as comfortable – given the situation – as possible with Colonel Rhodes,’ JARVIS comments quietly and Tony really hopes so, but he doesn’t have to say that aloud.

‘Rhodey will take the best care of you,’ Tony says softly, rubbing the bots’ sensors for a moment longer, and then he stands up. ‘But enough slacking for now, fellas. We still need to do some reverse engineering before daddy disappears to get his fuel.’

 

 

Tony is tired and he knows he should sleep but he really can’t, it feels like his mind is working too fast for his body to keep up and maybe that’s exactly what is it.

‘Maybe getting some fresh air would help you sleep, sir,’ JARVIS says sometime around midnight, two hours after Tony decided to call it a night and then tossed and turned in his bed.

‘What am I, five-year-old who needs to get his playtime outside to be tired enough not to bother his mother in the evening?’

‘Sometimes I wonder, sir,’ JARVIS replies smugly and Tony shakes his head in disbelief. Really, he should have been smarter than to make an A.I. that would talk back to him – no, not really. They both love this.

‘What do you say for a therapy session, hmm?’ Tony asks, quirking an eyebrow at the nearest camera as he gets out of the bed and opens his wardrobe to look for some warm clothes.

‘I am always available,’ JARVIS declares. ‘If you need me.’

‘Guess clearing my head won’t hurt,’ Tony muses, putting on a warm pullover and fishing his gloves out of a drawer.

‘It would be beneficial if it helped you sleep, sir, as tomorrow –’

‘I’ve got a sparring session with my misfit team, yeah, I remember.’

‘Are you sure you feel physically fit to take part it in, sir?’

‘We’ve been there,’ Tony sighs, wrapping a scarf around his neck and them putting a ridiculous thick woolen hat that makes his head look gigantic; Pepper insisted he need one – _since you’re playing this game and it means you’re still shaving your hair off, your head must get cold, right?_ – and he has to admit it’s really warm.

Then Tony puts on big wireless headphones over the hat and places his Starkphone in the pocket of his thermal jacket and he’s ready to go.

‘Glad you fancy being mobile,’ he tells JARVIS as soon as he’s out in the streets; it’s dark and surprisingly quiet for a Saturday night in New York City, but that’s probably the weather’s fault. It’s cold, luckily with zero snow, and there’s a moist bone-chilling wind that Tony is protected from by his almost-Arctic clothing.

‘Have you been thinking about Colonel Rhodes again?’ JARVIS asks and Tony has to verbalize a _yes_ since the A.I. can’t see him nod; JARVIS really can read his mind.

‘I’m glad he’ll be around more,’ Tony confesses. ‘I – we’re not really around each other all the time, you know? And it’s been fine. That’s how we function. We don’t have to be around all the time. It’s cool. But I – you know, I’d like to see him more than five times in my life…  Gosh, that sounds depressing,’ Tony adds, shrugging a bit, but it’s the truth: if Rhodey was to leave on his missions like usual, he’s see Tony a few times a year. No more.

And there just is no time.

‘Sir, I think –’

‘I know, J,’ Tony mumbles, speeding up a bit and taking big steps across the pavements of Manhattan; it feels good to move. To be a part of the moving city. To be a part of – all of this, everything around. To still be here. ‘It’ll be a year in a few weeks.’

‘A year?’

‘Since I got my diagnosis,’ Tony explains, spitting the last word out because it sounds wrong. ‘My sentence.’

‘Please do not say things like that, sir,’ JARVIS objects, of course he does.

Tony just snickers, pushes his gloved hands deeper into his jacket’s pockets, and adds, ‘Let’s go over my to-do list. No time like present.’

‘As you wish,’ JARVIS agrees and starts to recite the list.

 

 

Tony wakes up at nine, just an hour before the team meeting is scheduled, after sleeping for six hours straight. Happy is already waiting with breakfast when Tony gets out of his bedroom after a shower, wrapped with a dressing gown.

‘Long night?’

‘Late night,’ Tony corrects with a small smile. ‘Have I ever told you you’re an angel for putting up with my shit and making me food?’

‘You might have mentioned the second reason,’ Happy muses, putting a plate of scrambled eggs into front of Tony. ‘I like it when I have your money to buy Kobe beef for a Sunday dinner.’

‘Good to have something to come back home to,’ Tony declares with a straight face, but then offers Happy a quick smile and digs in; there isn’t much time left.

As soon as he’s eaten, he puts on his newest armor and makes his short flight to the HQ. When he enters the training room, he almost freezes, but makes himself act naturally because otherwise it could be suspicious.

Spider Man is there, for the first time in a month and a half.

Tony, of course, made sure to check up on Peter Parker and he knew the man was going to work normally and everything seemed to be fine on his end, but it’s good to finally _see_ him, in his usual Spidey costume and apparently arguing with someone already.

It’s also the first time Iron Man meets with Captain since that scene two weeks ago and Tony isn’t sure how should he act.

‘Iron Man, good to see you, Thor will be here in a minute and we can begin,’ Steve says, gesturing at Tony to come inside the training area, and Tony silently agrees to this: _let’s pretend nothing happened._

He still isn’t sure what did happen, anyway. So this he can do.

‘Greetings, my friends,’ Thor’s voice booms in the vast space a moment later, before Tony even manages to say hello to everyone else. ‘It is good to see you all again. I am prepared for this training meeting, Mjölnir has been eager to fight again.’

‘Let’s do this, folks, like we discussed the last time,’ Steve orders and everyone get into positions; they were working on team strategies for some time and every absentee was briefed, so now they only need to perfect the sequences in real.

Tony is not a violent man and neither is Iron Man, but he hasn’t been really boxing and when he was, it wasn’t as intense as he’d like because of the reactor and getting otherwise banged up, so the chance to work off his energy in a safe and efficient way is very welcome.

As always, it leaves him exhausted by the end of the day – the training lasts a full six hours with one longer break. Everyone is here and it’s the first time in months so they want to make as much as possible out of this session.

Tony doesn’t exchange more than strategy opinions and a few random words with Steve and Cap doesn’t seem eager to talk when the training is finished so Tony decided not to push him – he’s been getting too much into everything, right, with both Nate and Iron Man, that’s what he decided – but before he can leave HQ, someone else catches up with him.

‘I’ve been an ass,’ Spider Man says, his voice sounding almost remorseful. ‘Shouldn’t have disappeared on you.’

‘I understand that,’ Tony replies truthfully, he’s done the same things enough times. ‘I just hope it wasn’t because you thought you couldn’t trust me.’

‘Nah, man, you’re a superhero, we’ve got trust rules, don’t we?’ Peter laughs, his voice a bit tight too reassure Tony that it’s all fine. ‘I just had – can we take this talk elsewhere?’

‘Don’t you trust Ijon?’ Tony asks back, smiling at JARVIS behind the faceplate.

‘I don’t trust super-hearing, and well, I’ve been in the superhero business longer than you and I know best it’s _good_ to be super-extra paranoid.’

‘I bet you do,’ Tony agrees and has Spider Man go with him to the big workshop, giving JARVIS a quick command to get rid of everything that might shout _STARK_. Well, everything besides Stark tech because it’s the best and everyone uses Stark tech; most of Tony’s machines and supplies are prototypes or handmade so they don’t have the SI logo anyway.

‘This will do,’ Spider Man declares when Tony closes the door behind them, the noise echoing through the big room. ‘Man, you’ve got a fantastic collection of toy– of about everything,’ he comments excitedly, making is way through the room with a slightly alarming speed, still in his suit. ‘Figures, you made the armor yourself, you’d have – is this a particle accelerator, in the corner?’

‘Yes,’ Tony replies, Iron Man’s voice carrying the amusement perfectly. ‘Look,’ he adds and as soon as Spider Man’s eyes are on him, he gives JARVIS a command to take off the suit.

‘Holy – fuck, that’s amazing,’ Spider Man sighs, suddenly three steps away from _Nate_. ‘Do it again? Pretty please?’

Tony raises his eyebrows with amusement but Peter seems to be serious, so he gives in and had JARVIS put the armor on and off again; it’s routine for Tony, something he’s done like a million times by now – he is still perfectly aware how futuristic the whole suit is and how impressive it looks.

‘Has anyone seen this before?’ Peter asks, running his hands over the armor’s surface.

‘A few very close friends,’ Tony replies truthfully and Peter turns around faster than any human could at the sound of Tony’s voice – only to see Tony smiling apologetically.

‘I created the system, you know that already,’ he signs and JARVIS speaks it out for him in real time. Tony is pretty sure Peter’s face falls behind the mask.

‘How come Iron Man speaks normally when you – when you don’t –’ he trails off, gesturing at Tony’s hands.

‘Magic,’ Tony replies and laughs hollowly. ‘No, not really. Science. Though at this level most people would probably call it magic.’

‘As in?’ Peter prompts, dividing his attention between the armor and Tony.

‘A combination of things,’ Tony signs, teasing the younger man and imagining his scowling face. ‘Come on, I’ll show you,’ he adds and Spider Man follows to the far corner of the ‘shop where Tony works on his medical projects for future use for SI. When he stops and looks over his shoulder, Peter is standing there, mask off, looking pretty funny with his head sticking out of the costume of the most notorious superhero. ‘Bathroom’s there if you want to change,’ he says, gesturing at a door on his left, and Peter disappears for a few minutes during which Tony strolls around the room and smirks at every sign of JARVIS’ _hiding Stark_ intervention. Good thing that Tony has some robots at the A.I.’s disposal, to act as JARVIS’ arms – they are gone now, too, probably sitting nicely in the backroom.

‘So what’s the magic?’

‘First, we used lip reading, tapping, codes, eye control – I’m sure you’re familiar with all of them –’

‘And now?’

‘Have you ever played virtual ping pong with just your brain?’

‘Like those _think left and it’ll move to left_ games they have at science fairs for kids?’

‘Like that,’ Tony confirms, taking one of the prototype helmets in his hands and inviting Peter to sit down with one meaningful glance. When Peter is seated, Tony carefully places the helmet on his head and signs with his now free hands, ‘I just brought it to a higher level. I think a sentence and I say the sentence via synthesizer. This might not work perfectly because it needs to be calibrated to every person specifically, it has my data in, but try.’

For a moment nothing happens and Peter looks as if he was wondering if he’s in a science fiction movie, but then he blinks, shakes his head with the slightest delicate move, and Tony wants to laugh at Peter’s amazed face when it _does_ work.

Tony knew it would, he tested it with Doc and Happy, but a little suspense is always good, right?

‘I don’t think it’s going to work,’ JARVIS synthesizes in a voice almost perfectly mimicking Peter’s. ‘It _is_ working!’

‘Of course it is,’ Tony scoffs, seating himself in the other chair. ‘I don’t speak and I’m a scientist, therefore it’s just natural I create this.’

‘No one managed before,’ the fake-voice says. ‘I thought you were a programmer.’

‘I’m many things,’ Tony declares. ‘Want to see more?’

‘Yes very much,’ Peter says, now with his real voice, and JARVIS doesn’t bother to double that. ‘So when I say something aloud, something I’m thinking too, it doesn’t get synthesized? How did you do that?’

‘I’m smart,’ Tony laughs soundlessly and enjoys Peter’s eyes lighting up with curiosity.

Having decided to tell Spider Man the Iron Man/Nate deal suddenly feels like it was a really good idea.

 

 

The next morning Tony gets out of bed early and leaves for the clinic around seven a.m. The radiation is its usual ten minutes plus some more for _chatting_ with random strangers. As soon as Tony is done, he goes back home to finish a piece of a code for the response system that Nate is still working with his S.H.I.E.L.D. team on, and probably will be working for a few more weeks.

When Tony is done with this chunk of work it’s lunchtime, so he gets himself some pasta salad in a bistro near his workshop and then sits on one of abandoned benches of a tiny green space square that is proudly called a memorial of something, he didn’t pay enough attention to remember. Sitting outside and eating lunch doesn’t seem to be the thing in 42°F so he gets some stares from passersby, not that it matters; it’s nice to observe people even if it means being observed, too.

Being stared at in such a simple curious way is nice. Not being _stared_ at for being some kind of a gone-wrong celebrity. At least now when Tony smiles when he meets someone’s eyes, they usually smile back and not snap a photo.

As soon as Tony is back in the workshop, JARVIS speaks up.

‘An email just arrived for Nate, sir. It is from your team reminding you that the Inventor’s Award you won for unit RS-10 will be presented to you on Saturday evening. Doctor Green is asking if you are sure you will not be able to attend.’

‘I won’t be there, let him know,’ Tony says, remembering the message about the award he got some time ago, around that mess time involving an alien monster. ‘Also, we really need to name that thing something nice –’

‘I am not sure the team would appreciate your penchant for names, sir,’ JARVIS replies smugly, the email already sent – Tony screen flashes with an alert – and adds, ‘If you continue in a similar way to your name ideas up to now.’

‘Dummy knows his name is a term of endearment –’

‘As he knows that you threatening to dismantle him and make a wine rack out of his parts is just a way of showing your affection, sir.’

‘Just wait until I add a virus to your code and turn you into a bad computer game, J. Like, 80s-style snake game –’

‘You love me too much to do that, sir, so I feel quite safe.’

‘You know me too well,’ Tony shakes his head and then glanced up at the work-for-today list on the top of the screen. ‘Ugh, do I really need to work on those power conversions? It’s booring, J,’ he whines, perfectly aware that it was himself who made the list.

‘I am sure the bots would enjoy some time with you and WALL-E, sir,’ JARVIS comments and Tony makes effort not to groan.

‘You know what, J? I love them, but sometimes they are more than I bargained for,’ Tony declares, sighing, and waves at JARVIS to present the energy output for the suit on the holographic screens.

‘All children are, sir,’ JARVIS replies in a soft voice and Tony smiles and nods in agreement before going back to work.

 

 

Later in the week there is a meeting at S.H.I.E.L.D. that Nate attends, about the response system, and when he’s leaving, he finds himself confronted with a person wrapped with an honestly disturbing amount of leather.

‘Just the person I wanted to speak with,’ Fury says, sounding exactly as dry as always, and gives Nate an overdue greeting nod. ‘Come with me.’

Tony follows mostly because he is curious what this is about, even though he’s kind of itchy to tell Director that he doesn’t really have time. And disappear. But that’s Tony Stark.

‘I’ve heard a good word or two about your work, Mister Rives,’ Fury drawls as soon as he’s seated behind his big wooden desk. Tony is kind of surprised there is something that doesn’t consist of metal or plastic or glass on the whole ship. Tony moves his hand to start typing, but Fury stops him. ‘Especially from Captain Rogers. He speaks very highly of your work so far, as do the teams you’ve been working with.’

Tony nods, hands still hovering over the tablet, but it seems like he doesn’t need to reply anyhow.

‘I want you to make an A.I. for my personal use.’

‘ _Won’t the system we’re working on be enough_? _’_ Tony types, frowning slightly _. ‘It will have personalized profiles for all level seven and above users, as you know._ ’

‘That means all those people will have access to it and _that_ means the risk of this system being hacked skyrockets.’

‘ _I can promise you that there won’t be a way to hack the system,_ ’ Tony types and observes Fury staring at the words. Well. Tony certainly could make the system impossible to hack all by himself, not to mention when he’s collaborating with other really smart people – and JARVIS keeping tabs on all the work.

‘And I believe you, Mister Rives, but being paranoid saved my life and this organization more times than I care to count,’ Fury says, standing up, and paces slowly along the one-way transparent wall, with the whole Helicarrier’s main working area behind his back. ‘I want an A.I. only you and I will know about.’

‘Not even deputy director Hill?’ Tony asks because it seems like a valid question; JARVIS reads it out with Nate’s official voice so that Fury doesn’t have to glance at the tablet. It makes the Director raise an eyebrow.

‘It shouldn’t interest you but yes, not even her. Can you do that?’

‘You want a full A.I.? Like the one at HQ?’

‘I visited the Avengers HQ on a few occasions,’ Fury says and Tony keeps himself from blinking, he didn’t exactly know that, ‘Mostly doing business with Agent Coulson. I had the pleasure of meeting an A.I. that kept calling me _Nick_.’

‘That was Steve’s request,’ Tony types quickly, trying to keep his face straight and making a mental note to ask JARVIS to show him the footage.

‘And so did Captain Rogers tell me. I think the stubbornness you coded into the entity is _adorable_.’

Judging by Fury’s voice, adorable is the last thing he’d call Ijon, but it seems that he was kind of impressed with Tony’s work, since he wants an A.I.  for himself. Tony wants to do a Stark again and ask Director if he’s ready for the responsibility of raising an artificial baby but ugh, he has more common sense than that.

‘Can you do that?’

‘I can.’

‘Time frame?’

‘I’m pretty busy,’ Tony replies truthfully. ‘How big do you need it to be?’

‘How is that important?’

‘The A.I. will have the same code base no matter the size and it will work exactly the same way, but I need to know what kind of servers you’ll need. Operational power. Think the size of its body.’

‘Just for my personal use – and I’m pretty sure you’re smart enough to figure out what kind of operations I’ll need it for –’

‘Him. Need him or her. Or we could have a gender discussion, but – not it.’

Fury pauses, turning his head towards Tony slowly and it’s almost frightening, and then he smiles. It’s a flicker and Tony blinks and wonders if he’s just imagined that, but he can swear the smile was there.

‘Make it him. Name him. I hear that’s a thing,’ Fury says and there is a real hint of amusement to his voice. ‘I don’t have time for shit – time frame?’

‘I’ll have it ready sometime in February.’

‘See that you do – go now. I’ve got a two o’clock.’

Tony nods and disappears without a goodbye; as soon as he’s out of S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ’s perimeter, he puts on his headphones and laughs.

‘Congratulations, it’ll be a boy,’ he tells JARVIS who seems somehow amused with the concept but doesn’t fail to remind Tony that he’ll have to fit the code-writing into his schedule.

‘Or we could make Ijon do it and we’d have a grandkid,’ Tony comments cheerfully, swearing that JARVIS roll his eyes if he could.

 

 

The second week of radiation starts normally, with the now-usual dose of nausea and headache and bone-deep tiredness and Tony mostly stays on the sofa, alternating between working on his tablet and watching movies while being coddled by Happy and JARVIS.

Then everything goes south because Tony just can’t have a normal week: JARVIS speaks up and his voice is enough to make Tony stand up on his lightly wobbly legs and head for the workshop.

‘Miss Potts has been ambushed by a group of unknown people, they are headed out of New York City right now. She managed to contact S.H.I.E.L.D. with an emergency message before her cell phone’s signal was lost. I picked it up, too, a moment ago. It might have been several minutes since the incident.’

 _Coulson_ , Tony thinks. The man contacted Pepper a few times after Tony came back from Afghanistan and wanted a debrief, so it must have been Coulson to let Pepper know about S.H.I.E.L.D. and all that stuff. Of course Pepper learned more from Tony, but it was months after she first met Phil. He must have insisted on Avengers being sent out for this call.

Luckily Pepper knows better than to have her only tracker in her phone: there is this tiniest ruby earring she’s always wearing at the top of her earlobe, almost impossible to notice unless someone is looking for it, and JARVIS is tracking her movements and displaying them for Tony.

‘Sir, I would strongly advise against going there by yourself – from the security footage I was able to recover it seems that there are not many of the men and while they are armed, they seem to be aiming for a ransom rather than anything else –’

‘It’s _Pepper_ –’

‘– and Avengers will be dispatched within three minutes –’

‘They won’t get there quicker than me, I’m not risking losing the signal, they don’t even know where she is –’

‘You could give S.H.I.E.L.D. the information –

‘And how exactly would I explain having information about a personal tracker on the CEO of Stark Industries? If the info doesn’t come from a trusted source they’ll think it’s a trap – wrap the suit, J. _Now_.’

JARVIS doesn’t have any reply to that and does as he’s told, getting the newest model ready to use in less than five seconds and a moment later Tony’s in the air.

Then everything is easy: Iron Man arrives at the scene, incapacitates the seven kidnappers and makes sure they won’t be going anywhere. They seem pretty scared at the sight of the local superhero. Pepper seems to be mostly unharmed and Tony frees her hands and she peels the tape of her mouth since Iron Man’s fingers are not fit to do such delicate work – and just when Tony kneels in front of Pepper and asks her to verbalize if she’s okay, shock still visible on her pale face, the rest of the team arrives at the scene. Eight minutes late.

It’s Natasha, Steve and Clint; Tony completely understands the lack of the other members.

‘You’re a fool,’ Pepper tells Iron Man in a shaky whisper, inaudible even to supersoldier’s ears, and then adds, ‘Thank you, that was – that was the quickest rescue I’ve seen.’

‘How are you here so – you took care of them?’ Clint asks, frowning at the sight around. Tony caught up with the kidnappers when they were hauling Pepper into some abandoned warehouse outside of the city – how cliché.

Tony’s going to have words with Pepper about her security. Many, _many_ words.

‘Was faster to fly here in the armor,’ he says and asks JARVIS, ‘Did they follow the truck’s plate via city security cams?’

‘It seems to, sir. I might have sped up the process a bit so that your arrival here would not be as suspicious as it could have been otherwise.’

‘You, JARVIS, are an angel. Seriously. What did I do to deserve you?’

‘You created me,’ JARVIS replies smugly and Tony nods in agreement, turning his attention back to Steve who is now hovering over Pepper and wrapping a blanket around her shoulders and asking her to get on Quinjet so that they can take her back home.

Tony would love to take her himself and then shout at her and wrap his arms around her simultaneously, but that will have to wait. A debrief first.

Pepper gives him the tiniest nod that he returns and then the team in on the jet – another S.H.I.E.L.D. team has just arrived at the scene to secure it and investigate – and Iron Man makes his way towards the HQ.

Tony manages to lie his way thought the debriefing – they only talk with Phil who was declared fit for light duty, so no need to talk to Fury about this one – and Tony is pretty sure it’s only because he has his face hidden behind en expressionless mask and his voice filtered through an artificial synthesizer.

‘Can we talk for a moment?’ Steve asks when everyone else leaves the room and Tony really wants to say _maybe not now_ because his headache is getting pretty bad and he just wants to see Pepper and then lie down and doze off, but maybe Steve will address that last time they talked and if yes than Tony doesn’t want to miss this or put it off for later.

‘Yes,’ he adds verbally and Steve.

‘I am glad you managed to get to Miss Potts before they did something to her,’ Steve says, starting to walk across the room in even paces, not looking up at Iron Man. ‘Agent Coulson told me about her – they talked a few times. He said she’s an admirable person,’ Steve adds, confirming Tony’s theory. ‘He said she worked for Mister Stark.’

‘I believe she did,’ Tony says, that feels like the right thing to say, but it feeling right doesn’t make it all less surreal, especially with the ache pulsating in his temples that makes him slightly dizzy.

‘Just – thank you, for being quicker than us. Better than us.’

‘I wasn’t better, I –’

‘You were and it makes me happy,’ Steve cuts in softly, stopping his packing suddenly, but he’s still not looking at Tony. ‘I hope things like that make the running worth all the sacrifices –’

‘Steve, if it’s about the last time we talked –’

‘Uh,’ Steve sighs, shifting a bit, ‘I just wanted to –’

And Tony really wants to know what Steve wanted to do, to say, to whatever, but the rest of the sentence gets blanked out by a sudden buzz in Tony’s ears and _oh god_ he’s going to faint or throw up or something and he can’t in the suit –

‘J,’ he manages to say and then feels JARVIS take control of the suit, he says something to Steve and then Tony feels his limbs moving in this strange way he practiced with JARVIS only a few times, not enough to be comfortable but enough to give in to the movements, and a few moments later – it feels like ages – he finds himself in a bathroom and hears a click of the electronic lock and then he takes his helmet off in one fluid movement and throws up; it’s uncomfortable with his body clad in the battle armor and it makes his chest ache around the reactor and his head hurt even more, if that’s even possible – but at least after a moment the nausea is gone and he can slump down on the floor with acidic taste in his mouth and his body suddenly relaxing and feeling like plasticine.

And, of course, Steve is right outside the door.

‘Are you all right?’ he asks and for a moment Tony doesn’t know what to do because he can’t reply in his own voice and the helmet it off, but JARVIS thinks for him and reassures Steve that Tony is okay speaking with Iron Man’s voice through the bathroom speaker – thank heaven for people through enough to place emergency information system in the bathrooms.

‘Are you sick? Do you need a doctor – is there anything you need?’ Steve keeps asking and honestly, Tony is too tired to pay attention so he lets JARVIS reply for him as he fishes out his emergency set of pills and dry-swallows an antiemetic and a painkiller; now they just need a few minutes to kick in.

Tony spends the few minutes still sitting on the bathroom floor and almost managing not to wonder how ridiculous he must look, slumped on a fluffy bathroom rug in his tin suit, and how right JARVIS was about him sitting this one out. But – Pepper. He just couldn’t.

The pulsating feeling in his temples remains but it’s no longer almost-blinding and the nausea is mostly gone, so Tony decides he can make it home. It’s not that easy for his vestibular system, to fly while feeling like this, but he has to manage.

Steve is waiting right outside the door when Tony walks out, suited up, and he has this terrible worrying face on him.

‘I need to go,’ Tony tells him in Iron Man’s soft voice. ‘I’m fine, but I need to go,’ he says and walks towards the roof, with Steve following him silently, and then he takes off without explaining anything more.

Back at home, Happy notices something’s wrong and shouts at Tony for maybe five seconds before falling silent, respecting Tony’s need for calm, dark and _stable_ surroundings, and he tucks Tony in and leaves him to sleep and rest.

‘Pepper will come by as soon as she can. She’s all right, just worried ‘bout you,’ Happy tells Tony before closing the door and Tony nods weakly, his cheek brushing against the pillow, and he falls asleep a moment later.

 

 

Tony talks with Pepper the next morning, the news about the kidnapping attempt is all over the news and S.H.I.E.L.D. is still interrogating the men who managed to pull of the whole action. They are refusing to tell who hired them, JARVIS says, but that does mean someone hired them. Tony would very much like _not_ to think Stane, but he can’t stop.

He won’t know, though, unless Tony Stark makes a comeback and asks Stane personally. He’s pretty sure if it was Stane, he would have someone else hire the men for him and therefore remain in the background, unnamed hand pulling the strings. And he _would_ boast to Tony Stark.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ Pepper assures him.

Earlier Happy drove Tony to the clinic and then back and he didn’t let Tony get out of bed after JARVIS told him what happened in detail and made Happy even more angry with how _incomprehensibly irresponsible_ going out as Iron Man was.

‘What matters is that I had my favorite superhero rescue me,’ Pepper adds and Tony cracks a small smile.

‘Isn’t that Cap?’

‘I’ve never even met him before yesterday’s fifteen minutes,’ Pepper reminds him, stroking his bald head – it still feels so, so strange – as if he was a primary school kid sick in bed. ‘But I have to admit, he _is_ pretty gallant.’

‘I guess he is,’ Tony agrees and then lets Pepper help him with his broth; he knows better than to try to argue with her.

 

 

By Friday Tony is feeling well enough and he wants to drop by HQ and apologize to Steve for storming out like he did, but JARVIS refuses to get the suit for him.

‘You will be at HQ tomorrow, sir, it is December 1st which means the monthly meeting and sparring session in which you will _not_ be taking part.’

‘I can’t do that –’

‘I just said that, sir,’ JARVIS replies innocently and Tony exhales slowly, trying not to look annoyed.

‘We’ve got to train – I don’t know for how long Thor will be around and we need to get the whole team act together.’

‘You were doing very well the last time –’

‘That’s exactly it, so we need to train to keep it up –’

‘Sir, I am just worried that you will not feel physically fit for such a strenuous activity right after you finish this course of radiotherapy –’

‘I know what you mean, J,’ Tony snaps, and then hangs his head and massages his temples with slow circular motions, that helps him relax. ‘Sorry, baby. I’m fine. I’m feeling as well as I can. I’m just – I don’t want to slack off, all right? Or let them down.’

‘You would never do that.’

‘It feels like I would,’ Tony argues, but JARVIS always ends up being right because he has so much more common sense. ‘Let’s not talk about this now – okay, so you won’t let me go visit Steve today. What do we have to do instead?’

‘Well, you can always try crossing off another line from your do-now list, sir.’

‘Well, tell me something I don’t know,’ Tony replies, raising an eyebrow at JARVIS, and looks at the list displayed insanely on his tablet. ‘Let’s have some fun,’ he says, tapping at the line that says _furious baby_ , Tony insisted to JARVIS’ dismay, and they start to work on the code because there isn’t that much time left to get the job done.

 

 

The Avengers meeting goes exactly as usual, the team is presented with a mission and Tony brings up some arms trafficking JARVIS has picked up a few days ago and Iron Man gets his own op, too, and then they talk about the previous month’s activities and all the plans for the future. Thor doesn’t know when he’ll be going back to Asgard, but probably _in the near future_ , although no one know what that means in Thor’s case.

Tony even does the sparring, having persuaded JARVIS not to be overprotective, though he stays out of the most heated parts of the mock-fight between Hulk and Thor that doesn’t look anyhow like a mock-fight, and he takes it easy to make JARVIS and the rest of the mother hens happy.

Afterwards, Spider Man waves him a happy goodbye before disappearing with Clint and Phil in the media room, followed by the rest of the team, and – almost a tradition now – Tony ends up alone with Steve.

‘I’m glad you’re being responsible,’ Steve says, giving Iron Man a smallest smile.

‘As in?’

‘Not pushing the training. You’re really good as is and we’re coming together perfectly as a team.’

‘… Thank you,’ Tony says, not exactly sure what to do. Steve is standing a few feet from him but is still staring at his feet and behind Tony’s head most of the time, and it all just feels strange.

‘I know I asked you this about million times by now, but are you okay?’

‘I am –’

‘Because I’ve got to admit that I was surprised when you rushed off like that – worried. And then I thought you’d run away from HQ but you locked yourself in a bathroom and I thought about – safety, pulling footage, but you know, Ijon told me, as if he was reading my mind, that there are protocols preventing anyone from using him to uncover a secret identity of someone else,’ Steve says with this soft frown between his eyebrows. ‘I didn’t know that. I didn’t – I didn’t even think about that.’

‘Nate added it himself, I’m sure,’ Tony replies, telling Steve the honest truth. Nate and Iron Man do know each other, vaguely at least, as far as S.H.I.E.L.D. knows, so it’s okay. ‘It’s something he would do.’

‘I’m glad,’ Steve says even though he doesn’t exactly sound like that. ‘About the other night –’

‘We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to –’

‘I just wanted to ask if you’d fancy a roof meeting – we haven’t done one in a few weeks –’

‘Won’t it be too cold for you?’ Tony asks, genuinely curious about supersoldier’s body. Scientific interest.

‘It’s okay if I dress properly,’ Steve assures him and Tony nods. ‘I just want to grab some food,’ Steve says sheepishly and Tony nods again and follows Steve into the kitchen.

When they are on the roof, Steve has this sad face again.

‘Why the long face?’ Tony asks after a few long minutes of silence; Steve usually isn’t the one to keep quiet.

‘I’m – it’s been almost eight months since I… woke up,’ Steve says, shrugging slightly under the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. ‘And it doesn’t get easier. I thought it would, it was naïve, but I thought it would. You’ve taught me so much and I still know nothing and I don’t feel like this is any closer to being home –’

‘Steve,’ Tony cuts in, leaning forward and putting his metal hand over Steve’s, knowing that Cap will appreciate that even though it must feel freezing cold. ‘You’re doing better than anyone expected –’

‘It’s not enough,’ Steve says firmly.

Tony laughs because he is so fucking familiar with the feeling of _not doing enough_.

‘It’ll never feel like enough,’ he tells Steve, JARVIS doing a perfect job with Iron Man’s voice. ‘It never feels like enough. There are always _buts_ and second thought and wishes, you just – you just feel it more strongly because everyone expects you to be perfect in all possible ways just because sometimes you’re a hero. You need to teach yourself to slow down and ignore everyone, including a voice in your head, who tells you it’s not enough.’

‘Why can’t you believe in those words yourself, sir?’ JARVIS’ quiet voice says into Tony’s ear and he shakes his head, leaving that argument for another time.

‘Everything still feels strange, even the things I hold in my hands every day. I know how to make everything work, but it’s strange.’

‘Thor said the same,’ Tony says, deciding in a fraction of a second that hey, he can do this. For Steve.

‘Thor? You talked with Thor?’

‘We had a few words. You know, in that cave, we were by ourselves for a few good hours…’ Tony adds, that’s not the whole truth, but it’s not a complete lie. ‘You should talk to him. Maybe he would understand things better than I do because everything is different angle with me.’

‘Thor is a great man,’ Steve says, his eyes thoughtful. ‘But he does seem a little bit… overbearing?’

‘He’s actually much more than he lets on,’ Tony assures Steve. If he can’t help – he’s been trying, right, he really has – then he’s sure Thor will understand Steve better.

‘Yeah, okay, I’ll do that while he’s still here.’

‘Good,’ Iron Man declares and pulls away. ‘Now, eat those fries, I’m sure they are completely cold already.’

Steve takes one and munches on it for a moment before smiling at Tony weakly and taking another one.

 

 

Sunday after lunch, Tony gets a message from Spider Man via Avengers contact email and asks if he could come over and play with Nate’s toys for a bit. Tony texts him _meet me there at 2_ and proceeds to eat his lunch with Pepper; when they are done with gossip and SI business and exchanging _are you okay_ , Tony takes one of his cars and drives through the empty streets. The city look surreal, almost black and white, the only color standing out being red of car’s braking lights. It’s only the middle of the day but heavy cloud are hanging low and making the space look small, almost claustrophobically cozy, and block out any sunlight that might be trying to get through the greyness.

Sometimes when Tony is busy with things, it’s easy to forget why he loves this city so much – all cities. They have something unspeakable to them. Just like the poem goes: _Holy the solitudes of skyscrapers and pavements! Holy the cafeterias filled with the millions! Holy the mysterious rivers of tears under the streets!_

He is so lucky to be here, in this special place, even now despite preferring the city in spring or autumn, sometimes in summer when it’s not too hot and stuffy with scents of dirt and gasoline. Winter feels detached and it makes him feel like hiding in a blanket nest and not getting out at all, though he’s never had that particular luxury.

Huh. Mental note: maybe it’s time to try, there always has to be a first time.

Peter is waiting by the workshop entrance – it looks like a boring brick house from the outside – and greets Tony enthusiastically as soon as he sees him. Or Nate.

They play in the ‘shop for a few hours and Tony promises Peter that they can meet a few times a month and brainstorm; Tony loves to see the younger man working, it only assures Tony Stark’s dreams about having Peter work for SI. He is mouthy and a bit sloppy sometimes, and funny, he’s a complete geek and not hiding it, too – but he’s smart. Tony likes that combination.

‘I’ll see you on Tuesday,’ Peter says before adding a _goodbye_ and sneaking out of the workshop after nine p.m. Tuesday is the team mission, somewhere in Arizona, fortunately not involving aliens this time, just regular national security problems. It’s planned for two days, with a regular S.H.I.E.L.D. mission plus Clint and Natasha already on site doing recon, and then Tony will have two days to get ready for his solo in Japan, of all places. At least he can shed the suit and have some good sushi, he was in Japan at least once a month as Tony Stark and that’s one of the few luxuries he still misses.

 

 

The team mission is easy – for Avengers – and luckily involves no causalities and no civilians involved as the whole deal take place in the middle of a desert. Tony would do without more deserts than he’s already had the pleasure to visit in his life, but it’s not like he has a say in this matter.

When they are going back, Iron Man gets on the jet with the rest of the team plus Coulson to get the debriefing done and let everyone get rest as soon as they are back in New York; when they all are done with their oral reports and Clint opens his usual snacks, tossing an additional bag of Cheerios at Spider Man, he gives Natasha a quick look – she nods slightly – and then he turns towards Iron Man.

‘If you don’t have any plans for Christmas, we’re having this theme party on 25th,’ he says, voice muffled by the chips he’s putting into his mouth.

‘I’m sorry but I do have plans,’ Tony replies politely, looking at Steve’s reaction from behind the faceplate, but Steve doesn’t seem to be actively listening.

‘Well, sure,’ Clint nods and pushes the bag towards Natasha, who wrinkles her nose slightly but does fish a few curly chips out.

‘No offence, but it’d suck for you anyway, _Man of Iron_ , since you wouldn’t be able to eat the turkey and stuffing and all that,’ Spider Man adds and Tony can clearly hear the amused mocking in the other man’s voice. Luckily no one hears his sigh.

‘Maybe another time,’ Tony adds, knowing perfectly well that him be active on the team the next year is almost impossible – if he lives to the next Christmas. That’s not so obvious.

‘Okay,’ Clint nods again and goes back to focusing on his food, on the rare event of having someone else fly the jet for the team.

 

 

Nate is in S.H.I.E.L.D. HQ giving Fury a two-sentence update on the A.I. before the Director rushes out somewhere and Nate goes to the meeting with his team. When he finally leaves the room and is headed for the exit, he meets Bruce. It’s probably not a coincidence, not that it matters.

‘Hey, Nate.’

‘ _Hello_ ,’ Tony signs, smiling.

‘I’m consulting on something,’ Bruce says, explaining himself even though they both know it’s not necessary. ‘I, uh, wanted to see how you’re doing?’

‘ _I’m fine_ ,’ Tony signs, knowing that Bruce knows those signs, too. Bruce frowns, nods in understanding, and then quickly eyes Nate head to toe.

‘We were just wondering – the team – if you have nothing better to do, we’re having a Christmas celebration at HQ. You could come. I know you have your own affairs, but I want to ask. In case.’

‘ _I’m sorry_ ,’ Tony signs, ‘ _I have something organized already_ ,’ he adds, typing quickly. ‘ _Thank you for thinking about me_.’

‘Yeah. Sure. I don’t know if I’ll see you anytime soon, so, you know – Merry Christmas in advance.’

‘ _Merry Christmas_ ,’ Tony types and then signs, ‘ _Goodbye_.’

Bruce signs back, makes one more of those shy self-conscious smiles of his, and disappears at the next turn.

Tony doesn’t really have any specific plans for the rest of the day, so he puts on his earphones and talks with JARVIS for the next three hours, as if he was normally chatting with someone over the phone, as he chooses gifts for all the Riverside kids, picking out a present for each of them separately, as personalized as Tony can think of.

Other than the kids, he doesn’t need many more gifts. Just one.

 

 

Tony’s solo mission – as easy and simple as arms smuggling gets, Tony wonders if it’s holiday luck with all the almost pleasant ops – is on weekend so he misses being in New York in time for the annual Stark International Christmas Ball, spending his time somewhere on Okinawa instead, and on Sunday there is another event that Pepper attends – and, apparently, wins some kind of a prize for the Woman of the Year, for all the work she did on keeping Stark International afloat, especially at the beginning of the year when Tony disappeared, and then during the attack and the rebuilding of the city, she really deserves it more than anyone else. It would have been impossible if not for Stane’s confession and clearing Tony’s name, and, in consequence, proving her trustworthiness.

After Tony has slept enough to get the heavy feeling out of his bones, he eats lunch with Pepper in his workshop – closer to SI tower – and congratulates her with a kiss and a hug and Pepper calls him _silly_ and laughs at him mirthfully.

‘So, have you bought yourself a special award cabinet yet?’

‘Tony, don’t be silly –’

‘You know I’m clinically incapable of _not_ being silly,’ he cuts in, looking at her over his perfect French baguette sandwich. ‘Also, don’t bother, I’ll have Dummy make you one for Christmas. He likes shelves and screws.’

‘Of course he does,’ Pepper sighs and resumes eating while JARVIS plays them a season-themed episode of some medial drama Pepper likes a lot and Tony can’t remember the name of.

 

 

There is a team meeting on Sunday 16th, still with Thor but without an official team sparring session. They talk about the missions and plans for the next year, leaving summing up 2012 for the first meeting in January, and before Tony realizes they all get up and start leaving the room. Tony is sure Steve wants to talk to him from the looks he’s been shooting Tony during the meeting, but it’s Thor who comes up to him first and asks Iron Man to follow him to his _quarters._

‘Of course, Thor,’ Tony agrees and gives Steve, the last one to leave the conference room, a long look meaning _I’ll see you afterwards_ , pretty sure that Steve gets it.

‘I will be leaving for Asgard the day after tomorrow and I know not when I will come back to visit you, although I surely desire to come back as soon as duty allows me. I want to thank you, friend, for showing me all the beautiful things I was able to see in your own home. It was an exceptional experience.’

‘I’m glad we could talk about all those things – I learned a lot, too,’ Tony replies, smiling behind the faceplate, and thinks about the enthusiastic stories Thor told him in his loud voice.

‘I wanted to thank you for suggesting Captain to come and talk with me,’ Thor adds, his voice a bit serious now, though he hardly ever seems perfectly serious; maybe it’s just the positive energy he’s constantly radiating. ‘I know that I do not seem to be an introspective person to you, given my atypical demeanor and my lack of knowledge of this realm. It makes me happy to know you managed to see beyond the impression and share that with Captain.’

‘So you did have some bonding time with Steve?’

‘I merely explained him how we Asgardians deal with the knowledge of all nine realms, each of them differing greatly from ours, and with the exploration of them. It is like being born anew, every time we find ourselves out of our familiar time and space.’

‘I’m really glad you’re here for Steve.’

‘It was my pleasure to help Steven,’ Thor declares, nodding slightly, and then he meets Tony’s eyes. ‘I do not know the traditions of your festivities, but I wish you a happy time until we see each other again.’

‘And you too, Thor,’ Tony replies and stretches out his gloved hand. Thor shakes it firmly and then gives Tony one of his blinding smiles.

‘Go, Iron Man. Captain is waiting for you. And –’ he makes a short pause, as if he was hesitating, ‘Please do take care of your health, friend.’

Tony swallows, his throat suddenly dry, and he nods before disappearing in to the corridor. There comes the question of exactly how much can Thor _feel_ about the people who surround him. Tony still doesn’t feel brave enough to ask.

He finds Steve in an empty media room, now completely silent and cozy.

‘Hey.’

‘Hey,’ Tony replies, stopping a few steps in front of Steve. ‘You were looking at me all the time during the meeting. What’s on your mind?’

‘I –’ Steve starts, but he stumbles and doesn’t seem able to choke out anything more.

‘Steve. Please,’ Tony says, wondering how on earth he landed himself in this kind of a situation, with half-panicking Captain America at arm’s reach.

‘Okay, this is silly and sudden and I shouldn’t – I want to ask –’ he trails off again, but then takes a deep breath and continues. ‘This is surreal and I’m so clumsy – I’m terrible at this – Peggy told me just that –’

‘Steve, just stop this and ask me like you’d ask, okay?’ Tony cuts in, pretty sure that Steve isn’t going anywhere with his nervousness. There is a moment of thick silence.

‘Can we be more than friends?’ Steve asks and the words are so quick and jumbled together that Tony can barely make them out – but he manages to and _wow_. That’s unexpected.

Then Tony realizes what Steve has just said and freezes.

‘Steve?’

‘Iron Man?’

‘I – I don’t know what to tell you,’ Tony says honestly, wishing he could get a drink. Or ten, or anything. ‘It’s kind of unexpected –’

‘I know, all right?’ Steve asks, laughing drily. ‘I know, I’m just –I’ve been thinking – you did tell me you like me a lot and I assumed – and I do too and it seemed –’

‘You’d like to be – what would it even be?’ Tony asks, perfectly remembering telling Steve that he liked him a lot. It was a good few weeks ago though… ‘Boyfriends? Partners? You want to be that and you don’t even know how my face looks, you don’t even know my name –’

‘It seems to me that I know the man you are,’ Steve cuts in and it’s more firm this time. ‘The rest, it’s irrelevant, it’s just… packaging.’

Granted, Steve Rogers before and after the serum, before and after becoming superhero, it’s the very same person with the same principles, the same dreams, the same morals, the same abilities.

But the person that is inside Iron Man suit isn’t Tony, right? It’s Nate. And that makes things a tad more complicated.

Tony doesn’t really do complicated emotional things on spot too well, so instead of thinking about something more important, he wonders _why_ would Steve even want such a relationship with someone that is basically a walking talking tin can.

‘If you have some kind of a weird futuristic technological fantasies I think I can always lend you the suit,’ Tony says, knowing perfectly well that it’s a wrong thing to say, and Steve makes this disbelieving and kind of frightened face and Tony already wants to beat himself up for putting such sentence into _Iron Man’s_ mouth– but Steve bursts out laughing.

Tony blinks behind the faceplate.

‘You’re so silly,’ Steve manages to say between bouts of laughter and Tony stares, bewildered, and ignored this tiny voice in his head telling him that if that’s Steve’s reaction, maybe he and Stark wouldn’t hate each other so much. It’s all just too surreal.

‘No, it’s just –’ he tries to protest, but Steve doesn’t let him.

‘I don’t want a physical relationship with your _suit_ ,’ he says, now completely serious. ‘I want Iron Man, not the armor.’

‘That’s –’ Tony starts, but he doesn’t really know what to say. He’d _never_ expect Steve, of all people, to say any of those things. To say _want_. To wanta _man_. Congratulations to Steve for making Tony Stark speechless. ‘That’s – I don’t –’

‘It’s all right if you don’t want,’ Steve says quickly, blushing slightly, for the first time since the beginning of the conversation. ‘I guess I was just too bold, it’s silly – ignore this, maybe we can ignore this?’

‘No – what would be different?’ Tony asks, voicing his thoughts. ‘You don’t want techno-sex, you don’t even want my name, you don’t seem to really want anything other than now… Do you want me to be around more? Because I could be around more, if that’s what you need, I guessed you knew that. So why want to take a step further if we’d still be exactly the same?’

‘I don’t know –’

‘You do know, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked.’

Steve mumbles something Tony can’t quote make out.

‘Steve?’

‘… I’d know, I guess, I’d know something is different between us. I’d know that even if we don’t take it anyhow further, you really like me. That me and you, we’re different from the others. It’d just be like – having a sense of belonging. But it’s selfish and presumptuous of me –’

‘No, Steve, that’s – that’s not it. I don’t want to – if we take a step further, I can’t lie to you,’ Tony tells him, putting his armored hand on Steve’s shoulder and wondering if Cap tensed under his touch. ‘And I can’t tell you the truth yet.’

‘I get it,’ Steve says in this quiet voice Tony hates. ‘I really do.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Tony says softly. He knows he shouldn’t feel bad and that Steve is already beating himself up mentally for this, but he really wishes he could do something more for Steve. Steve is – he really deserves to have someone.

Tony just can’t be this person, given his – situation. Situations.

But it makes him _completely_ bewildered to find himself thinking that maybe he’d like to be.

‘Well, anyway, I’ve got something for you,’ Steve says, his voice a bit more self-assured now, as if he dismissed what’s just happened. ‘Here,’ he puts a nice burgundy box into Tony’s hand and Tony has a peek inside, it’s clumsy with Iron Man’s hands – the box if filled with what must be like a pound of cookies.

‘Thank you –’ he says, JARVIS making his voice as warm as it really is.

‘Made them myself. I hope you’re like them,’ Steve says, now smiling a little bit more, and Tony lets himself think that maybe it’ll be all right. Even if he – _can’t._

‘I’ve got something for you, too. Little thing,’ Tony says and takes a tiny envelope out of one of his many _pockets_. ‘Here.’

Steve takes the envelope and opens it, letting the few items fall onto his open palm – and then he smiles widely, everything else forgotten.

‘I know you still miss them so much,’ Tony explains, pointing at the original Howling Commandos trading cards from 40s. ‘It’s just a memory thing, but I thought – I hoped you’d like it.’

‘It’s perfect,’ Steve says, fixing his bright eyes on Iron Man’s faceplate. ‘You know exactly what I need – you’re an amazing person, Iron Man.’

‘Don’t exaggerate,’ Tony laughs, but he knows Steve doesn’t think he’s exaggerating. ‘I will – I will see you in a few weeks. January 6th, our first meeting of 2013, right?’

‘Yes, of course –’

‘… I will think about what you said,’ Tony adds, absentmindedly twirling his mechanical fingers around the ribbon tied around the box.

‘No, you don’t have –’ Steve starts, but Tony shakes his head and Steve goes quiet. Tony gets to Steve in a few steps and it’s him to wrap his hand’s fingers around Steve’s this time.

‘I will. I will think about it,’ Tony swears, knowing that he’ll have a hard time _not_ thinking about it; then he lets go off Steve’s hand and adds, before disappearing, ‘Merry Christmas.’

He comes back home feeling confused and trying to wrap his head around the whole situation, all this identity crisis thing and the superhero stuff messing up with their heads – and Steve being so lonely, looking for something to hold on to – and Tony doesn’t really know what to say.

There are a few weeks before he has to say anything, though, so he lets himself push this problem to the back of his mind for now and concentrate on getting ready for the holiday trip to Malibu. Since it might be Tony’s last Christmas – no one says that aloud, but the words hand in the air, unspoken – he is determined to make it worthwhile.

 

 

On the last Saturday before Christmas Tony goes to Riverside and gives all the kids their gifts – they don’t believe in Santa anyway – asking them to come up on by one and never mixing a single name, making them laugh at realization that he’s been playing with them all this time. In return, he gets another box of Christmas cards and back in the apartment he takes them out of envelopes, one by one, just like last year; this time the wishes and all the words inside are more personal, since the kid know him.

He has JARVIS play his some holiday music – nothing too annoying – and tears up just a little bit when he thinks of the last year: last year he came back home a day after being told he has a tumor inside him that’s killing him.

This time, it’s a year later and Tony dares to think that it was well spent year.

Not perfect, but he has to settle for what he can make real, just like he told Steve.

The radiation has been postponed a week due to everyone leaving for the holidays, so Tony is feeling well when the next morning he leaves for Malibu with Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, Doc and Scott. With his best friends with him, he is determined to turn this time into a great memory.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.  
> I must say I'm actually pretty sad about posting this because it's like the end of something big and I've been putting it off a bit. This story grew so big and long, much more than I expected, and your support has been so amazing that I pretty much don't have words to express myself <3 Now I'm pretty reluctant about how you'll like the whole deal with Steve - and I really hope all of this was up to your expectations. 
> 
> If you have any questions/suggestions/anything that doesn't fit in here, feel free to contact me via email or [tumblr](http://concreteandsun.tumblr.com/).
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading and please share your thoughts? <3
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Next time:  
>  _I have been freed (of everything)_ \- January 2013 - featuring more of the usual mess as well as a few intense dialogues and a monologue.


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